For over 18s only...i am newly single after a horrendous union, (violence,kidnapping,the works)...?

I am feeling better every day, and i know this happens to everybody around the world...so does anyone have any good suggestions of what i could do to distract myself from thinking about him? please, no nasty replies, i really dont need them, i just got rid of a confidence sapper...thanks.

i am glad that you are feeling better everyday. but what you went through was very traumatic and it takes time to get through these things and learn to trust people again. what you might want to do is see a therapist or go down to a local abuse shelter. they have people there that you can just talk to and they can help you find some support groups and womens empowerment groups and those can help too. when you start to think about him maybe call one of your friends or watch something light on tv. but keep up the good work and i hope that some of this helps. what you have done is very brave,

painting!!! or any art for that matter.

first, burn all his clothings that are still in your house, pictures and his favorite stuffs. or have them on a garage sale. then spent most of your time with close friends and relatives and with mother nature. watch lots of movies and don't forget the internet.

You sound like a very strong person. Obviously, even this^%$# couldn't get you down. Get out of the house, go to places that you don't associate with him. Check the library, movies, get involved with organizations that help people, do all the stuff you ever wanted to do, but couldn't before. Just from what you have stated here, I can see that YOU can do ANYTHING!

If I was you I would find something that You really belive in and try to volunteer there a couple of times a week. It will help you to keep your mind off of the person you don't want to think about and it would help you to help others who need it. Sometimes helping others is the best way to help ourselves.

See PTSD, at http://www.ezy-build.net. (.net.nz/~shaneris) on page 33. www.drdrew.com has a section on abuse: I have more links, if sexual abuse was involved, so feel free to email me, through my profile, and some of the websites on page 20 relate to adults, as well, or provide links. Mention these things to your BPD therapist. One of the steps in healing is to learn to forgive (but you don't have to forget: memories fade, with passing years).

Congratulations! You need to focus on yourself and prioritise on things that will help you move away from the horrendous situation you've been. Indulge in things that build your confidence and independence such as martial arts and join a team sport or social group where you can meet people with similar values.

I also suggest you take whatever security measures you need to keep him out of your new life and feel secure such as restraining orders, changing locks, security windows etc. Your safety and peace of mind are important, so don't place yourself in situations where you are vulnerable and then you can move on with freedom and security in your mind. Good luck.