I have been married to a suspected adhd,bipolar, and obsessive compulsive. Am I wrong for wanting to help?

I divorced him because he broke my nose in front of my daughter and it wasn't the first time. He cheated on me several times with people he met on the internet as well as out. HE lied to me consistently. But when I was with him alone we were the best. He used me financially and now that he's on felony probation for something he did before we met...I had him set up to be held until the other state could come get him once the dom violence conviction was set. I know he has serious issues but had missed a mental health appointment. The jail he's in now won't let him see the doctor. THe jail he was in was about to get an evaluation on him. NOw he is sitting awaiting a judges decision without an evaluation for the third motion to revoke (all due to dom violence) Just wondering why is it that I keep wanting him to change so bad. I do still love him...I just don't know why. He is an electrician by trade and I lost my brother 5 yrs ago..also an electrician about the same age...maybe???

He was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and then taken off of the medication. Wondering if medication, couseling, and treatment will help. I didn't divorce him because I didn't love him. I divorced him because I wanted to help him get over his or help to get him help for his mental problems. Will there be any relief in the future? I really want this man in my life and want to remarry him. But only if he is treated for this suspected illness. I don't want to be a babysitter or another mom to a big kid. I want an equal and a partner in life who is responsible.

I think that if you REALLY love somebody, you will always love them, even if they do horrible things to you. The thing is, you have to love YOURSELF and your daughter enough to say enough is enough. I am sure that there are good things about the man in question, and those are the things you love. He's a good guy, when he isn't freaking out, right? I can't really speak for anybody but myself, but that was how it was for me. I loved how he would call me from work to say he was glad I was working so hard, or bring home dinner if he knew it was a hard day for me. But then, if he came home some morning and I was cooking eggs, he might freak out and say he didn't want any (*^(&%ing eggs and throw the pan against the wall. I didn't love that. Again, I can only speak for me, but if you're like me, you probably love some things about him, maybe even love them enough to keep hope alive that the "good" man will take control of the "bad" man and maybe he'll be all "good" someday. I hope that helps.

Simiple answer is you just "think" you Need him. You cannot get something to make you whole from outside of you. It must come from inside. The best thing you could do is be alone long enough to love yourself. Then you might understand that to love someone is to give to them. Without getting in return.

If you really can still feel compassion for the man after all you've been through, it says a lot about your fortitude. However, perhaps it is time to let him feel some of the consequences he needs to feel in order to get a grip on himself. And certainly you do not want to endanger your daughter or yourself, at least for your daughter's sake, if not your own.

So be his friend, write to him, don't let him feel completely alone, but let him go to those who are hired to deal with his being out of control of himself. Whether prison authorities or medical personnel, the man clearly needs someone to exert the control he will not, perhaps cannot, exert himself.

Let him go, God bless him. Let him deal with his needs, and have a friend who writes nice letters and gives him hope for his future. But don't commit your own life to his needs.

I can give you two reasons why you can't let go of this man. Number one, you feel guilty about the charges that resulted from his assault on you. It's common for victims to blame themselves and it's one of the reasons why so many women return to a violent partner.

Number two, women still learn, from babyhood on, to take care of their loved ones and to support and nurture them any way they can. Every marital relationship contains a mixture of lover/friend/mother. When the caretaking role becomes the biggest part of a relationship, it is much harder for a woman to leave a man. It's almost like abandoning a child.

Your ex might not be fully responsible for his actions (he hasn't been evaluated yet), but that matters little when it comes to taking a look at the big picture. There are no magic pills or special diets that will cure him and keep him in that special mode that allows you to relate so well.

The bottom line here is your daughter. She needs a safe and happy home to grow-up in, and this man cannot (for whatever reason) supply her with that. Don't wait until she becomes part of the cycle of violence. Cut yourself loose now, or one day YOU will be watching him break HER nose.

Yes it is that simple. We all have regrets over failed relationships. Try not to let them run your life. Move on.
Best of luck for a happier future for you and your daughter.