Vaginismus question.....?

I have just been diagnosed with secondary vaginismus. For a VERY long time, I thought there was something wrong with me. I have been married for 12 years and my husband and I have two great kids, but since the delivery of our 2nd child, I have been unable to have sex. It was painful and near impossible for my husband to penetrate me. This, of course, has led to misunderstandings about my feelings for him. I love him more now than ever and I WANT to have sex, but my body just won't allow it! Has anyone else out there been diagnosed with this and how do you overcome it???? Thanks in advance for your SERIOUS answers!

Been there, done that. So sorry you are experiencing this disorder. Worse comes to worse, you will need dilator therapy to overcome this, but in the meantime, here are my "tricks of the trade" that you can try.

1. You be on top. That way, you have all control of penetration levels. Once he is in, and you are comfortable, then you can flip around and be acrobatic if need be.

2. When you are first attempting penetration, you breathe out hard while pushing him in. If at any time it starts to hurt or burn, just stop where you are, breathe in and go again.

Finally (this has been my lifesaver) when you are in the act and it gets uncomfortable, match your breathing to your husbands. Not only does it get him more excited, but it gives you something else to concentrate on until the pain sensation passes.

I wish you the best of luck and swift recovery.

I agree - it totally sucks. Just as a word of caution with the dilators... only work with one at a time. Start with the smallest one and put the others away. If you keep staring at that biggest sucker, you'll be discouraged before you even begin. Work with #1 until you are comfortable. Report It

I would get to a doctor and find out whats wrong. Dont wait any longer, get to a doctor and see whats wrong. That isn't normal so find out. Good luck.

It seems people never heard of this, or dont have it. I am sorry you have to deal with this, but maybe you shouldlook online or get in touch with your doctor and ask for a conseling type thing. Thats the best advice i can give .

First, go to your doctor and get checked out to ensure you don't have any gynaecological infections; these can enhance the vaginismus. You could also talk to the doctor about other possible causes of the vaginismus and get referrals for counselling/teaching exercises to help fix the problem or so on.

Second, was the delivery of your second baby difficult or traumatic? Do you have sexual abuse or anything similarly upsetting in your history? Sometimes vaginismus develops as a stress reaction to difficult circumstances-even years after the fact. If this is the case, counselling may help you work through the difficulties and help reduce the muscle spasms.

After you've done the above, there are some things you can try to help treat the problem:

For a little while, forgo intercourse, but enjoy your husband in other ways-touching, kissing, snuggling, oral sex, etc.

Try this exercise to work on relaxing the muscles responsible for vaginismus-take one finger, well lubricated with saliva or water-based lubricant. Gently insert the finger into your vagina. If the muscles of your vagina tighten, stop and gently breathe and try to relax the muscles.

As the muscles relax (this may not happen the first time, but might take several tries over different sessions), continue to gently insert your finger until it is in 1-2 inches, then move the finger around, getting used to the feeling inside you.

Try again with two fingers, then three fingers. When you're able to do this with minimal discomfort, then you can either try a vibrator or dildo or have your husband gently insert his fingers (again, clean and lubricated) into your vagina.

Talk with him beforehand and agree that if it starts to become painful, then he will stop immediately. Remember to breathe gently and let your muscles relax as much as possible. After you can have him insert two or three fingers inside you, then you can again try gentle intercourse, with lots of foreplay first, to help increase your natural lubrication, coupled with lots of water-based lubricants, to keep friction to an absolute minimum.

Some women like to use dilators instead of fingers to help reduce the muscle spasms in their vagina; these dilators start at a very small, tampon-like size and increase in size until they are about as long as a male penis, although not quite as wide. They can be used in the same way as your fingers to help you work at relaxing the muscles around your vagina. I've also seen websites recommend using clean carrots (yes, I'm being serious), but I personally would recommend dilators over produce (link to one type of dilator below)

Some people will also use hypnosis to help treat the vaginismus. If you explore this route, ensure the person is well trained and is properly certified.

It is often recommended that partners look at couple's counselling when vaginismus is at play, to give both members a chance to discuss frustrations about not being able to have intercourse. If you sense there is stress between you and your husband because of this, or even if you're feeling guilty about not being able to have sex, it's okay to ask for help from a counsellor with training in sexual issues.

Good luck and best wishes.