I'm extrememly fearful of sex! What can I do? Anyone out there like me?!?

For the longest time I figure I've waited to have sex because of the "waiting til marriage" thing but once in a while I figure I want to do it because I love him so much. But it terrifies me to get even close to doing it. It hurts so bad to have -anything- go in (tampon, finger, um, anything!). I think I suffer from a sexual disorder called "vaginismus" which is why I haven't even gone to a gyno yet for fear of having things inside me because it's painful. I'm 20-something and I just want to know if there's anyone else out there who has this problem or has had it and what they did to overcome it because I fear for my wedding night if it comes to me "waiting til marriage"!

Going to a gynecologist and explaining your fears will help. They will put your mind at ease. Ask around and see if you can find a doctor who is gently and understanding. Does your mother know of one? Most mother's are very understanding for their own daughter.

The fact that it has a name "vaginismus," means that there must be many others out there like you. Go see you gyno today. Sex can be fun.

Start playing with yourself a bit, I am sure you will enjoy it.

I think you might be scaring yourself out of it. It's normal to be scared of having sex your first time, I'm sure every woman has had that same fear. Your first time most likely won't be anything special but being scared isn't going to help. The more relaxed you are the easier things will be. And before you decide to have sex and after you should seek a Gyno just to check things out and make sure things are ok. And also get yourself on Birth Control, because Imagine a baby bigger than anything else coming back out of there!

I had a friend who actually couldn't physically put a tampon in because of her hymen being as tough as... and very restictive. It didn't scare her to try but penetration for me was impossible. So sex was obviously "difficult" pleasing ourselves on alternatives. She had a simple surgical procedure ultimately to have it removed.

If your "fear" is simply fear... you really ought to face your demon sooner rather than later. If you have a physical restriction like my friend.. the wedding night will not enable you to live that dream... so set things right and see your gyno.... before you go any further.. just make an appointment right now. Pick up the phone..... go on... pick it up.....

Sorry not to be able to help further.

Apparently you have done your research and I agree that it sounds exactly as though you have vaginismus. There is treatment out there. I would suggest you seek professional help as this can be something that is very difficult to deal with and can be long lasting. It is important that you seek treatment because without it it is unlikely that you could have a successful gynecological exam which is SO important for your health as a female. Not to mention the deteriorating effects if can have on you and other areas of your life. Sometimes seeking help is hard but I really hope you have the strength to get the right help, not from yahoo! answers... I wish you the best of luck.

no youll be ok it hurts at 1st but it gets better

Your story sounds very familiar, and I fear that vaginismus is exactly what you have.

Go to the website www.vaginismus.com. You can read loads of helpful information and order yourself a set of graduated dilators which you will need.

Also, try joining some support groups - yahoo has several. Talking with other women who are suffering or have overcome will be very comforting for you.

As a tip - when you are trying to insert something (anything) breathe out through your mouth while gently pressing in... it relaxes the muscle.

Mostly, go find yourself a doctor who knows what vaginismus is and how to "properly" treat it. By properly, I mean one who will not suggest surgery (just reaffirms pain in your mind), one who does not suggest porn, toys, masturbating, alcohol, kegels (omg - do NOT do kegels - that's the exercising of the PC muscle by squeezing (like stopping your flow of urine) and releasing - it totally makes vaginismus worse to overcome)...

Find a doctor who will guide and support you through dilator therapy. (You will have to be incredibly proactive in your overcoming of this disorder.)

Best of luck to you.