my whole life i have had a mom with mental problems, depression and a thyriod condision. my dads a pot head, alchaholic also with depression. who's house doesnt even have a working toilet... it is beyond extrodinarily trashed.
all my childhood, my mom hit me atleast once a day for 5 years... i was constantly being called fat, weird, stupid, rejected. etc by the kids at school... i never had solid friends and therefor was always being kicked between different people and groups...
now im in yr 9 and last year i was abused mentally and physically by my ex gf (yes im bi), diagnosed with depression and i started cutting, aftr a month it got "too much" for my friends and they abandoned me (this was a new lot btw)
i have been to over 5 different councilers in 3 years, sent to hospital twice last year and reffered to 3 different mental hospitals.
i went to my dads this weekend anf there was a circus there... once there i found a few friends (one whos 22 and the other is 19) the 22 year old (lets call her Nia) she had really bad teenage years aswell so me and her are really close and me and the other girl are fairly good friends aswell...
Nia is the only friend i feel i can trust...
my dads in a fairly small town (Karridale) so the circus wasnt too busy and me Nia and the other freind had several drinks and Nia didnt leave my side the whole night... she let me drink alchahole cause she couls remember what it was like... she is so awesome.
anyway, i was so scared to go back home with my dad caus he didnt know i was getting drunk, i did anyway... i said i had one drink when he asked (even though i had about 4... really strong ones)
but thats getting off track...
what im saying is... i wake up in the morning and i think "WTF?! WHY am i getting up?! WHY do i bother to eat, WHY do i bother to do anything..." i cant describe it but... i feel numb... i feel dead... i cannot see any reason for ANYTHING anymore...
is there anyone else who feels like this... what can i do??
i cant even think anymore, like i cant daydream caus no pictures, no sounds, not even a slite color will come into my mind... its pitch black and has been for months now...
im so confused... v_v but now "Nia" is not going to be at the only place that i ever see her anymore... at the tavern where my dad is every day and i sued to work there so i can go out the back and catch up with her... but she is leaving on monday... i really think i need to keep in contact with her... and for my mom, she dusnt hit me anymore cause i hit her back a few years ago and now she is scared of me... but whenever anything happens in MY life!! its ALWAYS about how it affected HER!! Call the public health department and ask about referrals for counseling based upon income and ask about free and low cost doctor clinics where you might get some anti-depressants to help you.
Also try AA meetings..they are free..
http://alcoholism.about.com/od/meetaa/AA...
If you are feeling sad, call the Suicide Hotline in the phone book and talk to them and see what they think can help you. Sometimes it helps just to talk to someone.
If you are being abused, you should call social services and report it. I think it is listed under county Job and Family Services in the U.S.....I might be wrong about that..not sure..
Here are some links for help with self-mutilation (cutting)...
Self-Mutilation (cutting, etc) Disorder Help
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self_mutila...
http://www.teenline.ws/self_mutilation.h...
http://wso.williams.edu/~atimofey/self_m... (definition)
http://wso.williams.edu/~atimofey/self_m... (motivation)
http://wso.williams.edu/~atimofey/self_m... (treatment)
http://www.healthatoz.com/healthatoz/Ato...
http://www.focusas.com/SelfInjury.html
http://www.athealth.com/Consumer/disorde...
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/a...
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/ment... (2 page article)
http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injur...
http://www.mirror-mirror.org/selfinj.htm hey, whatever happen.. just live your life.. ok??
there is reason why all this things happen..
just life your live... ok??? Its going to be alright I went through the same thing I cut myself for years I'm 22 now I still get depressed But not to the point of wanting to kill myself theres a diff. between wanting to kill yourself and wanting to die. U have to find good people to chill with people who are not going to bring u down Alochol will only make it worse believe me I used to get drunk with my mother every night and we would fight and I would cut. she would sleep with my friends...... And so on.. sometimes Meds are the only way when I was put on med for the first time I didnt like it cause being depressed felt so good I mean depression was the only thing i'd known for years but after a while u get used to it and laughing feels awesome It takes a while sometimes but its ok. i've been in hospitals quite a few times also depression does take over peoples lives u just have to help yourself and think that if u better your life, things will be ok.. not perfect but better its a tough thing to battle but people get through it people do love you u just havent met them yet :) Its going to be ok u dont know it yet but it will ....
AIM- TattooedTonya24 visit this website www.befrienders.org/
you can also e-mail to jo@samaritans.org
Be happy!!! good luck and all the best to you What Do You Think.....?????? I have answered your previous question already, but I am very concerned for you. I'd like to respond your new comment about your mother.
Don't even think about killing yourself! If your friend is switching job and moving away, keep it touch with her by phone and letter. She has to provide for herself, right...
It's good that your mother stopped hitting you. At least, that's progress. Obviously, you two have a dysfunctional relationship, and you know what, that's entirely her fault. Judging by the tone of your posting, I think you know that! She is the parent, it is HER responsability to take care of you, not the opposite. Does she say "what about me" a lot? I have heard that refrain before.
I will soon be of working age, so don't despair. Right now, you feel lonely, and it is hard for a young person like you to feel like you have the strength to solve all those problems. When we are teenagers, we don't have any perspective, and it creates some sort of tunnel vision where we can't see how things can get any better. (I know.) However, it really can get better. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and one day, you'll be there. That's real courage: getting up in the morning, and making little steps, even though it's hard.
Many social workers and counselors are involved with your family already. Can any one of them help you? Could you live with another family member, like an aunt or a grand-mother? Just tell them your parents are not taking care of you, and are driving you crazy!
Another way to fight this loneliness would be to find ways to stay out of the house as much as possible and making new contacts. Find a weekend job, join after-school activities, find some nice girls who don't have many friends either, and ask them if they want to hang out. What about a nerd? (I hope that makes you laugh, but ya, I'm serious.) Some kids get picked on and rejected because they have big ears, because they are fat, or some other silly meaningless flaw, and they are lonely too, you know. Look around the cafeteria at lunch time, and introduce yourself to a small group. They'll welcome the interest. People thrive on attention: make them feel important, and they won't want to give that up! ;-) |
