I long to achieve happiness and have my needs met, but i think its uphill all the way?

when i was young and i used to watch tv with my mum and dad, theyd watch, old programs like, 'the golden girls', films like poltergeist, where id watch and long to live in such a lovely street and nayboorhood with a lovely family, secure and safe, and even though i battle mental illness today, with high anxiety, racing thoughts, low self esteem, inner anger, in my mind im trying to search, for that sort of security fairy land magic, its like i dont want to face up to the real world, i wanna escape to a utopia. i wanna live in a street and neighboor hood like the one in the film poltergeist. right now in my life all i really have for support is my mum and dad. and i really am trying to work through my mental illness, but it is hard goin out into the real world. i wish i was a kid again where i felt secure again with my mum and dad watching 'cheers'. but instead i live on my own in a crummy flat on welfare, battling mental health probs, and tryin to move out cos of antisocial teens

Real life IS an uphill battle. That's why you appreciate it more when you do find happiness. I don't want to sound as though I think your ? is trifling, or I'm dismissing your fears, but you need to accept that what you saw on TV all those years ago was fantasy. Today TV programs may be about divorced men/women raising children on their own, but they don't show the struggles of real life. REBA, LIVING WITH FRAN, for example, have gorgeous homes, lots of money, never seem to work, etc., but TV producers make them like that because TV is supposed to be an escape from real life. If people wanted dreary and dismal, they'd look at their own places.

Utopia is out there--but you have to go out and find it yourself. Maybe it's getting a job--any kind of job--but approach it that you are going to do the best you can at that job. Maybe it's doing volunteer work--shelving books at a library, reading to kids in the pediatric ward at the hospital, going to nursing homes and listening to old people reminisce or writing letters for them. You may never have the kind of house you want. You have to face that. It's not that I don't sympathize, I do. I was just like you--and still am to some degree. I have a mental illness, too, and I let it control my life for so long that opportunities passed me by that I can't regain.

Is your apartment really that bad, or is just that you want it to be something else? Take some time to fix it up and make it yours. Maybe your landlord would paint it for you, or if you and some friends did it, he would knock off some of the rent. Go to the thrift stores and find unusual baskets that you can put magazines in instead of putting them on tables. You might find curtains there that would cheer the flat up. Make your own--measure your window(s) and go to a fabric store or a Wal-Mart or Hobby Shop that sells fabric and ask how much material you would need. Hem the sides and bottom. At the top make a "pocket" where a rod will fit through--you won't need pleats.

Get a hobby. Hobby shops & some rec centers offer classes. You might be really good at crocheting or knitting and end up selling your finished goods during the holidays. Do you play an instrument? If you do, look into groups that need extra players. Being around other people will get you out of yourself.

Have you thought about writing? People with mental illnesses are sometimes the most creative. Turn your fantasy life into characters on a page. Go to a bookstore and browse to see what's selling. You have to believe in yourself.

I don't know what to say about the teens. Part of that is their own age hang-ups. Sometimes, though, when they seem antisocial, it's because they are afraid to let anyone new into their group who might see their own insecurities. Talk to you welfare contact and see what can be done.

You don't say if you are seeing a mental health professional. It's important that you do. Talk to your welfare representative about getting you into a group or seeing a doctor for at least medication.

Good luck. Don't give up on yourself--if you do, so will everyone else. I may have sounded harsh, but it's what all mentall ill people face.