How do I deal with the death of my daughter?

It will be a year in February since my ex took our 5 month old daughter for his first overnight visit, the next day when he was bringing her home he drove his explorer 84 feet into the side of a semi at 75mph...she had shaken baby syndrome and was not buckled into her car seat. she was on life support for 3 days before she was completly brain dead so I decided to donate her organs. I have been going to court with her father over this but the DA has offered him a gravy plea..everyone says it gets better with time but it seems to be getting worse. Any advice?

You need to go see someone. I'm sure you have a lot of anger toward your ex and you are grieving over the loss of your daughter. You might also see if there is a grief support group. Sometimes, if a city is large enough there can be a support group for parents who lose children. I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds horrendous.

Just pray to God and he'll help you. He will guide you through the way of life.

Know she's in a much better place, and that everything happens for a reason. None of it is your fault because it was meant to happen.

its like you have 2 daughters now.
she was in your heart
now shes also in heaven
at the same time

*offers the biggest cyber hug one can give* oh my gosh.... wow... I don't know what to say. that is just awful. He should get live in prison without parole. He murdered his child. Fight and fight.... some how he has to get more than just some gravy plea.....

I don't know if you are religious at all, but I am. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that, whether you can understand it or not, God had a good reason for what happened. I can't imagine what that reason could be. I know several people who have lost children and other loved ones, and it's obviously one of the most difficult experiences a parent can have. I suggest talking to God. Ask him questions. He is always here for us. If you are offended by my answer, I am deeply sorry. I just want to help. If you want to talk about it more, I would be more than happy to listen. I'll pray for you.

I am really sorry for her death. Remember, time heals. Time helps hide the sadness like smiles hide the tears.

Just remember, a poem a day keeps the heartache away.

I have a book full of poems just for this situation.If you want you can email me and I will send you every single one. They make you feel better.

PLEASE NOTE:

GOD ONLY TAKES THE BEST.

oh, i am so terribly sorry i know what it is like to loose someone you love deeply,
i recently lost my BEST friend form cancer and im only 13
actully it was new years eve....its been REALLY hard, especially because his funeral was today..
it hurts to say but it is the truth, time will heal all......hopefully
god bless

first off let me say im so sorry to hear that.
do you have a support group in your area?
check your local hospital they might have one.
good luck and sorry about your loss.

the hardest thing is too lose a child. I saw my kid brother die from cancer and I was the one who was taking care of him but when the time came I knew he was in a better place because he wasn't suffering. you have to remember the good times and try to move on. when you relaize that she's in a better place and not suffering then you won't feel as bad. it will take some time. hope this helps.

Are you in any kind of individual therapy? If not, you probably should be. Loss of a child is probably the single most difficult thing to face in life. I am a trauma therapist and I have a bit of a different philosphy than most counselors. I think it's ok to be sad...feel awful sometimes...cry, kick, scream, throw things (ice cubes into the bathtub are great - sounds like you're really destroying things but it just melts and goes down the drain - no clean up!). To feel horrible at an anniversary is also quite normal.

The idea that it gets better as time goes by is true...however, the amount of time is different from person to person. One year is NOTHING in recovery from such a thing. I would tell someone that it would be at least 2 years before they start to see the sunlight. I sound awful - I know it...but the truth is, I'm trying to honestly validate where you are and not feed you the "get over it" or "it'll get better (suck up your feelings)" stuff that most people say.

There are stages in grief: sadness, anger, bargaining, denial and acceptance. Not in any order - and you can bounce back and forth. I don't worry when people are in any stage...it's normal. You just want to watch for warning signs such as: more than two weeks at a time of lethargia, crying all day, can't get up, can't go to work, severe isolation...you'll want to watch for negative thoughts that lead you downward - ESPECIALLY erroneous beliefs (such as, "If I had been a better mother, this wouldn't have happened" or "if I had just kept her home that weekend, this wouldn't have happened"). These are erroneous because there is no way to prove they are true...and so watch out for those.

What is the point of the court battle? Just curious. It may be difficult to keep reliving it in court...so if it's not necessary, I'd let that go...winning some court battle won't bring her back. Just a thought.

Advice: let yourself take the time you need. surround yourself with people who are encouraging but also allow you to be where you are. Listen to them if they feel you are stuck, they will tell you. Get into therapy. Don't base everything on this board...smile. Best wishes to you. It's a hard road, but you can get through it and there is some light a little farther down the road...take care.

oh my word honey thats horrible, absolutely horrible I'm sure it might seem like it's getting worse but it is getting a little better or you wouldn't be on here now asking for help on how to greave. Honestly i don't have a cut & dry answer for u cause we are all different & eveyone of us does things different. I do want to commend your choice to donate her other vital organs so that hopefully there will be1 les person to feel your pain & torment!! I know this don't sound like much right now but I want u to remember how wonderful she was how beautiful u felt during your pregnancy!! How wonderful it felt the 1st time you felt her move inside you !! How you would talk to her before she came & God blessed you w/her to love & cherish yes it's sad you only had that privelage for 5 short months & it's not fair not by a long shot but you got that wonderful gem for 5 blessed months!! For those few months you felt love like you had never felt it before but you can fill that love again sometime right now it's still your time to mourn your wonderful daughter & also thank God for allowing this pleasure even if was only 5 months it was a very beautiful & important 5 nonths that no ones knows like you so stop & take notes of her when u think of the cute & sweet times make a memory book of her that noone else knows about that is until your ready to share that part of your life . You will be in my thoughts.

It will never get better. The pain will never go away, but it may seem more dull. Cling to the memories you made with your daughter in the 5 months you had wth her. Don't try to forget her or her life or even her death. It is part of you. By remembering her you will be able to move forward in your life. Never forgetting her, honoring her memory, but still moving forward. I pray that you have a lot of friends and family for support. I am so very sorry for your loss.

Jazmin's answer is the best one.Just watch out for depression or post traumatic stress dissorder.Your EX was completely neglegent in not buckleing her into the car seat.But I am sure he is feeling pretty damn awful too!! As for dropping any charges this is not your choice.The courts will make the decision.You do not have to attend the court sessions unless you have to testify, in some cases just your signed statement is needed.If it is revenge you want be very careful as this can eat you alive.Keep your friends and family members close to you so they can watch over you.This is a terrible thing to happen to you and yes time will heal the tears.The memories will last forever(the good ones)Maybe do something very special in her honor.Live your life hon. the dead are taken care of in God's loving arms.And it is completely normal to cry a lot.This too will fade with time.My heart goes out to you hon. All I wanted for christmas this year was Julie back.It didn't come true.But I am enjoying my life anyway.

Your experiences are built largely on your belief-system, whatever that is made of.

You've assigned meanings to many things, and those meanings interact with your beliefs, giving you experiences.

Most everyone you talk to will relate to this issue based on THEIR experiences and meanings and beliefs - note the religion-based responses you've gotten. This can contribute to the feelings of isolation that some people have relating to such experiences.

There's no right answer for everyone. Sometimes classical therapy is useful. There are support groups for parents who have lost children and sometimes that's useful.

The ultimate goal for most is to learn to assign meanings for the physical disappearance of their loved one, and the subsequent experiences - such that their continuing experiences of life can be happy and fulfilling.

This is not something you'll likely resolve via e-mail, but I see several therapists of various backgrounds posting here. From the mix, you'll find a good next step toward your own future.

I would say not to place stock in generalizations about time-frames, methods, etc. You are an individual, and once you discover the "right place for things" your realization of your own resilience and stability - and that you will be OK - will likely come at once.

You're welcome to e-mail.

I feel really sorry for you but to get over the death of your baby try thinking having a new one