Feel societys cold towards me, shutting me out, feel branded, labelled like i have a stigma, what should i do?

im 30 now, ive had one hell of a past, abuse bullying...sexual abuse....assaults and injuries my street gangs....i was bullied throughout high school.
all this happened to me growing up....i never got an education, never been employed...never formed friendships or relationships with people...dropped out of high school..
spent 18 months in a mental hospital.
know i feel left behind in life....uncared about, isolated and alone...know one to turn to.
i feel bad and guilty because of my past....i used to have rage outbursts in public, lash out...shout..have anger outburst...it caused people to look and laugh or be attacked by people....im ashamed of this past..
before i went in hospital, i exaggerated the problems i had grossly, made myself out to be a monster so they would pay attention to my needs and i would get the help and treatment i wasnt getting in the community...i said horrific things & lied thinking it would get me help.....not thinking at the time it would go in

my mental health notes... i was 20 at the time.

now m 3o with borderline personality disorder...i live
lonely, isolated life...battling for goals and ambitions
i have...of a happy life, a partner, friends, a good job,
my own home....emigration from the uk...fresh start.

all the things ive never had.
but i feel societys branded me. like ive been labelled,
like i have a stigama.....like people know about my past
and are holding it against me.....like being demonized..

ive been tagged as a person to avoid a danger because
of past outbursts and through what i said to psychiatrists
to get help....because i wasnt recieving jelp in the community.

and if this has happened ill never have a happy life and
achieve my dreams because i need people to give me a chance.

Society does cheat everyone-even people who have money or are from well to do families are labeled as "having a silver spoon" or "having it easy". Labels help keep us in slavery.

There is only one source for your help-God. Medication can help, but, don't ever rely on people-we are humans! Humans fail, humans are judgmental, arrogant, stupid. God is merciful, He has already forgiven you for your past-He blots it out, He doesn't remember it. Take a clue from Him-don't remember it yourself anymore either! Guilt is only a tool to keep you in bondage, the bondage to believe that you can't change, that you can't make things better, that you will never have a "normal life". Guess what-nobody has a normal life!

Please recognize that you are lying to yourself, and you are believing a lie-you are cared about-God cares about each one of us-and He cares about YOU. You need to confess, ask for healing, bring Him into the picture. People will judge you, repeatedly. Understand that you are not bound to be what they think you are. You don't have to stay in isolation, you are NOT alone.

Go to your local unemployment office, apply to get your GED. Make some goals for yourself, and actually take steps to achieve those goals. Start small-make one goal that you promise yourself that you will not use circumstances-past or present-to be excuses for not doing good things for yourself. Start with one thing-and stay with it until it happens. Another goal-Smile at people when you walk by. This may sound corny, but if you start small, you will see changes.

Decide that you are going to change your life-Ask God to help you to do it, and then take the first step.

Watch fight club, it might change your perspective of life. One thing is for sure, whatever you are doing now change it because its not working.

Step one is to stop feeling sorry for yourself; you can't change the past... Go TRY to get a job, or at the least, get a hobby. It will make you feel better

Rise above it and help yourself. "What have you done today to make you feel proud"? (Heather Small)

The stigma is there, you are the only one who can change peoples perception of you.

Read also my answer to your earlier question.

Move and start fresh. Don't tell a soul about your past. Start new. Don't dwell on the past, it is over.
Try to stay in the moment by meditating, exercise, so you feel better, and try to enjoy the little things.
Dwell on what you DO have-you are alive and healthy. Someone loves you. Call them.
Good luck honey

You need to get out in the world and lose yourself in the service of others. Get involved in good causes. Volunteer to work with the elderly, a hospital, a political campaign, and so on. Lose yourself in someone elses problems!

Take care of yourself. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables. Avoid meat and dairy products- especially dairy products. Exercise or at least walk a lot.

Stay away from antidepressants. I wouldn't go near someone whose personality depends upon drugs.

Don't smoke, drink, or do drugs. Be real!

Go to church! Develop your relationship with your Heavenly Father. He knows your problems and provided a Savior for you. He is the Master Healer.

Hi. There are ALWAYS people who care, even if they are hard to find. Most of this is self-image related and only you can change what you think. And do NOT worry about what other people think because it will almost always be wrong. Find another good therapist, forget about the past - you can not change it - and find a purpose in life. Good luck!

Realizing that you want to make a change in your life is the best, first step to finding a way out of the dark places you have been. All the things that you have been through, and done, are a part of your past. You cannot go back and change yesterday, but you can start today and make a new tomorrow. Accept that the things in your past have made you who you are - the good an the bad - you would not be who you are without every one of those experiences. In this life, there is no one to pick us up and help us walk forward but ourselves and the people around us who care enough to notice and reach out. If you do not have that support system, find it. Find a church, and join their men's group. Join a bowling league. Or find a club or team that does something that you are interested in. I know it may sound cheesy, but finding healthy people who like the same things that you do is a great way to meet people who will grow to care about you. And, even if you are not a 'churchy' person, the people that you would meet there are likely to offer the kind of caring community that you are looking for. Christian, Catholic, Buddhist, Taoist, Muslim, whatever you feel comfortable with.

There are people out there who will care about you, and the you that you are trying to become. You just need to find those healthy connections. I would bet that making some of those connections will lead you to great things. Then you can think about going back to school, or learning a trade, that will finially launch you out of that lonely place that you have been lost in. Just keep looking up, every day is a new day to make a positive difference in someone's life.

Good luck, it is a long road, but you are not walking it alone.

One thing to learn from the past is not lie or exaagerate your disorder because now if you feel it's branded you, you'll know not to do that again.

Or . . . it's paranoia you're suffering from. When you say personality disorder, do you mean multiple personality? It's unlikely a person with that kind of disorder would know they even have it.

Worry less about other people. You can't change them. You can only change yourself and do things to make yourself feel good. Worry about yourself.

I'm not a shrink, but I think I'd start with something small. I'd start reading on subjects that interest me...are you interested in auto mechanics, computers, building???

I'd work on getting my GED and, in the process, see about "job shadowing" [e.g. check with a business that you may have an interest in learing about and see if they'll let you watch and observe what the business is about and, if you understand and are capable of doing that work, maybe they'll let you take on some of the small jobs.] You don't get paid for job shadowing [usually], but what you learn is a wealth of information.

I would hope that by understanding that you do have a problem handling your anger and that you recognize that the way you handle that anger is wrong, that you find some other way of venting that doesn't hurt anyone, or yourself... go for a run, get a punching bag, exercise almost always cools down the anger.

Start putting some action into the things you never got to do. No one's stopping you, but you. Don't pay attention to what other people think or say, don't even acknowledge them. The best thing you can do is to prove them wrong by taking care of the things you know you want to do.