How come whenever iam extremely low, everyone i look at looks fruitfully happy & contented in life ?

i'm a bpd sufferer, have endured a painful , traumatic life, never had normalcy, normal things didnt happen to me like : being employed - never happened, getting qualifications & studying - never happened, making friends being in relationships with the opposite sex - never happened.

ive never lived sadly only suffered.

tragic things like sexual abuse when i was a kid, bullying throughout high school...assaults, muggings, head injuries...homeless for 9 months.

i feel angry & ashamed ive had life so hard, very bitter.

i live alone and because ive never built up any social contact ever iam isolated and lonely everyday, never go out because of anxiety & ptsd symptoms...plus i have difficulty controling anger sometimes.

but the cruel & hideous twist is that most days i deal with extreme low moods...feeling dead & empty to the world.

and on those days, everyone i look at outside, on myspace other sites looks very happy and contented, huge grins on their faces, fruitfully enjoying their

lives, and i feel jealous seeing this, because i want all that but are painfully aware ive missed out in life big time.

how can i deal with this ?

You are what you think about all day long. And as I already told you recovery from bpd is entirely possible, in fact within two years. I had a shrink that had over 35 years experience tell me that and he had worked with bpd and multiple personality disorders. your moods are dependent upon your environment and you are not treating you as you. BPD is a diagnosis used for sufferers of long term PTSD that interfered with their normal psychological development, nothing more, nothing less. Your emotions are out of control its time to come to the middle ground instead of black or white. Some suggestions would be start reading on the subject and get into therapy that's all I can tell you. But you wont change until you are ready
Take care

Step out of your comfort zone.It's time to live.

Can I assume you are seeing a therapist and taking medications? If not, I really hope you waste no time in making a doctor's appointment. There are treatments for all of your symptoms, but you need to be properly diagnosed and monitored closely by an MD, psychiatrist, and/or therapist.

If lack of coverage is keeping you from those appointments, know that every state has free and sliding scale mental health out-patient clinics. Call your local emergency room to get the phone number.

Hopefully you have been receiving treatment since the beginnings of all this. Even if that is true, it doesn't seem that you are receiving appropriate treatment. I would really ask for a second opinion and/or a different therapist and/or different (or a different doseage of) medications.

A lot of the people who look happy are also suffering - they just put on a face for the outside world.

Try joining a depression support group. You may meet some people who are also going through difficult times. You could try meditation or techniques like nlp. I realise they are expensive, so perhaps you could talk to your doctor about possible schemes on the NHS.

Finally, try to focus on the things in your life that have improved - for example, you are no longer homeless, but have somewhere to live, and you obviously have access to a computer. Try to go out for walks. The exercise will help. When you are at home, stay occupied. Go to the library and get some books out.

lemme guess you feel like you have no hope...
well ok read a book called "the secret" it will help
trust me
oh and by the way "keep your chin up"
because a bad mood attracts more misery
fight it tooth and nail and don't be down i know it sounds "easier said than done" but it is true i was suicidal but i started thinking positive and and life got positive don't be down.