Why do i feel so insecure about my life & my future, a feeling like the bottom falling out my world ?

i feel a dread, an emptiness inside..like i don't have what it takes to manage my life....and i wont have what it takes to sort my life out and make it secure....which i dearly crave.

i want security, stability, a direction...to know that im going somewhere in life.....to feel like people love me and wont allow anything bad to happen to me.....and alot of the time and for alot of my life, ive never felt like that, i feel cold, alone, isolated and helpless.

its like i feel like a child in the way i would like someone to come along and takecare of me...sort my life out....make me feel secure, safe.

i feel like im gonna be flung outthere...on my own...lonely..in unfamiliar , unchartered waters...that i wont know how to help myself or get my life together...i crave the warmth...the light of others...i feel scared of life.

all my life ive felt like this...im 30 now...ive suffered greatly, bullying..assaults..mental abuse...victimization..time in a psychiatric hospital...sexual abuse etc

ive missed out so much in life, never been employed, never gained any qualifications....never built up any relationships at all with people...been on welfare benifits all my life.

i feel like ive left it to late to do anything about my life, i have BPD and PTSD...borderline personality disorder. i look older, ive aged.

i live in a small flat on welfare benifits, i dont own much except an old computer...i feel so desperatly alone...so insecure, trapped and stuck, like i want someone to save me and take me to a secure environment where things are done for me.

all my responsibilities are taken care of and i dont have to worry anymore..

ive never had a partner or girlfriend.....my only goal is to move back to europe or outside europe to start afresh somewhere else....i want to leave britain thats my top goal.

can anyone tell me how do i survive these horrible feelings ? and how to get over feeling like this ? and why im feeling like this ?

Aw :( I used to feel like that. It all comes down to self-esteem. When you don't feel good about yourself, when you don't love yourself it affects you in every aspect of your life. I used to feel like this. I even tried to kill myself. Now I have a huge scar on my forearm. Everytime I see it or everytime someone asks me how I got it I remember how much I regret it. I'm feeling better now and I'm rooting for you that you will too. No matter how many people have hurt you in the past it's really about you and only you.You are the only one that could decide TODAY that you will help yourself and you will no longer let those things that happened to you in the past affect your present and your future. And what everyone says or thinks about you doesn't matter. I wish you the best :) It's not going to be easy but it will happen little by little.

You have a problem with a very basic thing: taking responsibility for your life and your circumstance. I recommend working. Read a book about Zen Buddhism.

Honey u go find a job get off assistance meet people u do not know how much better u will feel n u also will be more secure with finances .Social services will send u for a ged or schooling take them up on it n get started with life

I know where you are coming from when you say you feel lost and alone. Like you want someone to take care of you..this exact same thing happen to me very recently after my dad died, and my mom wasn't there for me and so much more stuff was going on. I don't know if you're religious or anything, but what will help is praying..like when you're lonely pray for comfort. But also..it sounds like you a suffering from depression. Go to a psychologist and talk to them about all of these feeling (even if you feel like you don't need it, its great to have someone just to talk to..that listens to absolutely everything) It does take a while to find a good psychologist though, I went through a couple before I found the one that was right for me. Just know that you're NOT alone, and things can get better. Depression SUCKS, believe me..i have suffered horribly from it and medication did help..but you also need to make some changes yourself. Just a few months ago i went though a time where i decided there was no reason to get out of bed. But really that makes things worse. May i suggest exercise, like going for walks outside (that really helped me). And I'm serious when i say pray, it was the only thing that helped me when I had no one and wanted to end it all. And more importantly don't take anything for granted, there are SO many people that would want to be in your shoes that have things so much worse. Also if you like animals, get a cat..or dog..for company. Lots of people think moving and "starting fresh" will fix everything..but really what you need to do is fix the things before you move. There's so many people that will move and "start fresh" when things get bad..but unfortunately, it doesn't always work (not saying that it wont). Anyway, make yourself a plan right now. Write out the things that are bothering you, then write out how you can fix those things. And don't start tomorrow, start now! Whether its making a doctor appointment, or going for a walk. It will take time, but you can do it. Set goals..anyway i will pray for you. Sorry for the long answer.