HELP ME... SOMEONE! (social anxiety problems)...tragedy!?

i have social phobia.i will be in the 8th grade this fall. i will graduate. i have a big social phobia. social anxiety,top that with panic attacks. how can i get better, i try to avoid people as much as i can! but people just judge me right ahead before meeting me. everytime other family members, or guests come over to my house. i say hello. then runaway upstairs,in my room,in the basement, or under a tree outside. i cant eat infront of people, not even my dad. just my siblings,my friends,and my mom. i know this sounds stupid, but i always cry myself to sleep, i always cry for help, but it seems like no one is out there to save me. my school conceler knows, she said she would take me back, ahem ahem, its been like A MONTH BY NOW WHICH SHE NEVER TOOK ME BACK! i cant handle presentations, and are therapist expensive? my mother told me they just collect the money and help you little by little. i want to be an actress or model when i grow up,i dont have the confidence. i cant embarrase me.

Perhaps your biggest issue is that you believe people are judging you before they even meet you. If you worry constantly about what others think of you then you'll never be happy with yourself. Eventually you'll need to just stay around people. You will never gain a level of trust in people unless you allow yourself to be around people. In the end, it feels like you have trust issues, but more importantly you don't have self confidence. Once you stop worrying about how others view you and start believing in yourself your life will get better... but you need to put yourself in social situations to at least deal with your fears.

I am a 37 year old female who has had the same problem as you ever since I was a very young child. I have seen therapist for years and taken meds for this "disorder" for years also. I have found out that simply put NO ONE is as critical of me as I am of myself. That may sound a little complicated but if you really think about it, you will realize that it's the truth and the answer to your question.

This is very sad...you are only, what? thirteen or fourteen? Teens and young adults are under tremendous pressure these days; it is no wonder you feel such anxiety and fear...and the worst thing about it, is that a very great deal of it is not 'you' but due to "outside factors"! Sounds like you got a problem with your DAD, too! Why do you suppose it is you feel so 'self-conscious' around your dad? A certain amount of shyness is normal, of course, but it IS possible to get a grip; I was there too, once, and I did it! Unfortunately, it is difficult to find a good therapist, and yes, therapy IS expensive! And there is NO guarantee that your school counselor will be able to help you, either. So, What do you do?

You have to learn to HELP YOURSELF. You must realize for yourself that a very great deal of what you currently fear is IMAGINARY.You are torturing yourself with fears of being "judged". I will tell you that a very great deal of this pressure you are feeling comes from OUTSIDE INFLUENCES ; it is , in fact the MEDIA which is responsible for this. You will notice that advertising is everywhere, right? Well the method of advertising is to FOSTER feelings of insecurity about yourself, so that you will buy their products! With advertising all around telling you constantly that you are never beautiful enough, never thin enough, never ANYTHING enough, OF COURSE you are eventually going to feel the psychic pressure as a sort of general "judgement" that you are "not good enough" on ANY level! This is what is known as "brainwashing" on a grand scale, and I can ASSURE YOU , you are NOT ALONE in feeling this pressure!. It is up to you to realize this for yourself, because hardly anyone else realizes any of this, not even grownups! We are only now starting to realize what a BAD effect too much media has on children (AND adults, too!)

So, what to do about it? The best remedy is STOP WATCHING TV. Develop your OWN interests; spend more time drawing, writing and being creative. Learn to dance. Learn to SEW or COOK or PLAY A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT The less you expose yourself to the invidious influence of the media, the better off you will be. BTW, writing your feelings down is one of the very best ways to blow off steam; it has a definite therapeutic effect, and is often a strategy recommended by therapists.

I can also recommend a book; I do not know if it is published any more, but you might be able to find it in a second-hand bookstore, or maybe you can find it online. It is by a man called Dale Carnegie, and the title is "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living". I first read it when I was 9, and the methods in this book have helped me all my life. It's certainly worth a try, anyway.

I was the same way when I was in school. I avoided social situations, hid when people came over to our house, and would even turn red if someone so much as called my name. It just got worse and worse each year, until I was physically sick every day I had to go to school, or somewhere else I knew I would be faced with people.

It wasn鈥檛 until after I finished high school that I realized that avoiding people and hiding all the time was only making the problem WORSE, not better. So I actually tried forcing myself to be around people. Some days were okay, and others were not. I felt a little better, but at the same time, I was still incredibly uncomfortable and nervous. I couldn鈥檛 understand why it seemed so easy for everyone else.

Eventually, I realized something. I was being my own worst enemy! I was always afraid that people would judge me before they even talked to me, like I had some sign on my forehead that said, 鈥淚鈥檓 a loser that doesn鈥檛 deserve your friendship鈥? Well, I came to realize that people are actually quite perceptive that way - if you think you have a sign on your forehead, your actions and body language will reflect that sign and people will actually be able to pick up on it. Ever notice how some people can walk into a room and just command attention? I was doing the exact opposite of everything they did.

As I worked on re-writing my inner sign, I came to another fundamental realization 鈥?probably the most important of all 鈥?not everyone is going to like everyone else. It鈥檚 just human nature. Even if the sign on my forehead said, 鈥淚鈥檓 confidant and fun and a great person to talk to鈥? that doesn鈥檛 mean that everyone will agree. But鈥?SO WHAT?? If 鈥淏ob鈥?doesn鈥檛 like me, does that mean that I am faulted somehow? Of course not!!! What makes Bob so special that he would have that much power over me? I know that I鈥檓 a good person, and if Bob doesn鈥檛 want to be my friend, well too bad for Bob!

I realized that my social anxiety was a result of two sides of the same thing 鈥?first, that I was afraid I wasn鈥檛 鈥済ood enough鈥?for other people to like me; and second, that I actually thought everyone had to like me! Well, I鈥檓 good enough for me, and who gives a crap what anyone else thinks!

Hi! I鈥檓 so sorry to hear you are feeling bad 鈥?you have an anxiety disorder. In reality no one is judging you - you're just feeling insecure. Here are some fab tips on how to get rid of your panic attacks and social anxiety. They are simple and free! They just take a bit of work.

1. (You probably know this but鈥? If you control your breathing, you control panic. As soon as you notice the first signs of anxiety, check your breathing: breathe in slowly through your nose pushing your tummy out (to the count of 5 or so). Breathe out slowly and for a bit longer (to the count of 7 or so) through your mouth. Do not breathe rapidly or shallowly (in the chest area). This will soon restore the balance of oxygen and you will feel a lot better.

2. Try Cognitive Behavioural Therapy! CBT is proven to be the most effective thing for panic attacks and anxiety. It takes a bit of work, but it is super effective. (After 15 years of panic attacks, mine stopped completely). You can take a course for free online at: http://www.livinglifetothefull.com/ It has been funded by NHS Scotland and has had great results thus far.

3. Try relaxation exercise tapes (progressive muscular relaxation). They really help if you practise often enough. This site has instructions on how to do it without the tapes (and other useful info): http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resource...

If you find all this info overwhelming, get a parent to help you go through it. Follow these steps and I鈥檓 sure you鈥檒l be feeling a lot better. Best of luck to you.