Since i was 12 i've thought about suicide as a runaway door from overwhelming situations, situations that everyone else can overcome and i can't. I have hated those feelings all my life. I have hated myself 1 day and felt like the best thing on earth the next. Recently i took an online test about personality disorders, it's not that i actually thought i had one, but it resulted that i probably had BPD so i started to make some research about it. I have been trying to destroy myself for lots of years, i put myself in danger on purpose, drink & drive, have unprotected sex, binge eat and then purge... i just dont cut myself or do drugs.. yet. i just decided to change my career, i cant keep my jobs or relationships, im a dream come true and a nightmare... But still no one thinks i have a disorder, not even my family, to other people's eyes im just a spoiled 25 yrs old girl who doesnt apreciate what she has, and i dont. My life seems great to everyone else but me. Im alone. Most of us have some borderline elements in us, since it's part of the psychological development of every human being. Being 'diagnosed' with borderline personality disorder is really just a statement that according to the person making the diagnosis, the borderline elements are more dominant that in the average person and are causing the person's problems.
A more helpful way to look at it might be to think simply that there is something really difficult going on for you - suicidal thoughts, extreme risk-taking behaviour, changeability clearly indicate that something doesn't feel right. You seem not to value yourself very much except when you think you're great....
Feeling alone is always horrible and it's even worse when the people closest to you don't seem able to recognise what's going on and can't validate your experience. What would help, I think, is some good psychotherapy. Make sure you find someone properly qualified and a member of a professional body, thus abiding by a clear code of ethics. It won't be easy or quick, but you are still young and a couple of years of therapy now could make a huge difference to the rest of your life.
If you are keen to follow up the borderline issue, go to http://www.bpdworld.org/ and http://www.borderlineuk.co.uk/ for further information and support. im not sure about whether you have bipolar, but it sounds like you do. either way, you need to get some help. noone should feel like that. Please speak with your Family Doctor about a referral to a psychiatrist for an accurate diagnosis and treatment plan.
Self diagnosis of BPD needs to be followed up by a consultation with a mental health professional. Hey...take yourself to the nearest clinic,ask for help.Don't wait for offers,look out for yourself.There IS help available...even if you think there isn't.Maybe a change of environment and scenery is just what you need...along with guidance.Good luck. I would get help. The only person who knows what you need and how you feel is you. My younger brother has depression issues but my whole family wants to pretend its not there. Get help before you get hurt. Go to a psychologist and open up-they will tell you if you need to be there or not! Or even talk to your doctor they are trained in that aspect of life also. Good luck!! Im sorry sweetie.Its a bad thing when you feel that way and noone else can see it.I know!I suffered from anxiety since i was 13 and i hid from the world.Noone seem to see what was really going on.Please see a good dr and tell him everything thats going on inside of you and he will help you.You take care of yourself and the best of luck getting well. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_...
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bpd.cfm...
http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/bpd.h...
Borderline Personality Disorder (DSM-IV Personality Disorders 301.83) (BPD) is defined as a mental illness primarily characterized by emotional dysregulation, extreme "black and white" thinking, or "splitting", and chaotic relationships. The general profile of the disorder also typically includes a pervasive instability in (1) mood, (2) interpersonal relationships, (3) self-image, (4) identity, and (5) behavior, as well as a disturbance in the individual's sense of self this may also include impersonal manipulation. In extreme cases, this disturbance in the sense of self can lead to periods of dissociation.
The disturbances suffered by those with borderline personality disorder have a wide-ranging and pervasive negative impact on many or all of the psychosocial facets of life, including employability and relationships in work, home, and social settings. Comorbidity is common; borderline personality disorder frequently occurring with substance use disorders and affective disorders. Suicidality and completed suicide are possible outcomes without proper care and effective therapy.
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR), the widely-used American Psychiatric Association guide for clinicians seeking to diagnose mental illnesss, defines Borderline Personality Disorder ("B.P.D." or BPD) as: "a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, as well as marked impulsivity, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts."BPD is classed on "Axis II", as an underlying pervasive or personality condition, rather than "Axis I" for more circumscribed mental disorders. A DSM diagnosis of BPD requires any five out of nine listed criteria to be present for a significant period of time. There are thus 256 different combinations of symptoms that could result in a diagnosis, of which 136 have been found in practice in one study. The criteria are:
1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. [Not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5]
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, promiscuous sex, eating disorders, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). [Again, not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5]
5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-mutilating behavior.
6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.
8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.
--- from the DSM-IV-TR, 301.83. Hmm,
Honestly sounds like my life, and I was just diagnosed with: Antisocial, narcissitic, and borderline.
I'm a weird case though. You definetly sound like it just from the series of events but borderline doesnt just affect the big things in life, everyday I struggle with borderline along with the other two.
From what my counselor said. Always, always take your mental health above all...ecspecially if it is affecting you in bad ways. Best thing you can do now is find a place that can properly diagnose you, and do it with urgency.
Realize that this needs to be your number one focus, you may not even have a personality disorder..but don't be like me who just "guessed" what was wrong with me for years, the sooner you have that straight the easier life will get.
I have no regrets, I mean it was scary when I heard I had not one, or two but three personality disorders, my life just made sense...it was a sad reality for me seeing that nobody could find treatment for me but that really shouldn't be your case.
Just figure out what it is, and like I said do it urgently so that you can live a more stable life. pfft no you dont sound BPD to me....it sounds like your just self indulgent and perhaps a bit of an attention seeker. In those tests it says everyone is 'possibly BPD' unless you get a 'You certainly have BPD' but even then its pretty Bull. Just think, maybe you are just spoilt. |
