Rape ?????????????

my ex girlfriend was raped yesterday!!! i cant believe this, i was the first she called and she came to my place to talk and sleep last night but she didnt really want to talk about it, she just told me what happened and then went to sleep, i dont really know what to say . i told her to go to the police asap but she seem scared and she is the kind of person who keep everything inside you know. i am shocked!! i dont understand why someone would do that!!? why???!
first time it happen to someone close to me,we are still good friends but i dont know what to say or do except just be there if she need to talk. any advice?? its crazy

Shes scared thats why she went to you. Its a statistically higher chance she was raped by someone she knew and this would cause a lack of trust. She probally came to you as you were the last person she knew she could trust. In many cases the rape victim will not want to go to the police out of fear , this fear is of many things. It includes thinking the assault was her fault , making herself look bad in society , fear of being attacked again and fear of reliving the events when telling it to the police. Do not force her to go to the police . They can find seminal evidence of rape up to 5 days from when it happend but the sooner the better. They can also find evidence from her clothes as well. If she wont go tell her parents , guardians or other family members. My most important advice however is to be there for her , the road ahead is not easy.

You are doing exactly what she needs you to do. You need to be a strong support system for her and help her in any way you can. Talk to her about going to the Rape Crisis Center in your town because this could result in pregnancy or one of the STD's and she needs to be checked out by a doctor for her own protection.

I'm so sorry to hear that..
Rape is a horrible thing..
Just be there for her. She needs to talk about it..don't let her bottle it all up.
She may not talk about it with you..but maybe find some numbers for rape counsellors that she can speak with.

I think you should encourage her to talk to a professional and get the police involved. That may cause her psychologial trauma later on and she might shut down.

you are being a good friend to her and she expects that from you. Just hear her out whenever she decides to be open about it.

She really, really needs to go to the police, hospital or somewhere to be examined for physical evidence. It's unfortunate she didn't go immediately so they could have had a better chance of getting DNA evidence. Does she know her rapist? Was it a totally random thing by an unknown person? Was it date rape or maybe someone she met in a bar or something? No matter what the circumstances she is NOT at fault. Please emphasize that to her. Please encourage her to report it, as hard as it will be, so that he can't do it to another girl.

Just be there for her IF she needs you. Time is the best healer ... Give her a while to work things through in her mind and if there's no improvement she might like to see a counsellor?

Keep being there for her because its not good to keep everything inside. i kept everything inside and took it out on myself. just be strong for her.

Stay with her. Just hold her..if she'll let you. It's going to be a hard road for her..and for you . I don't know why the victims get punished more than the rapists...but it happens. Make her know that you're mad at the one who did it. (BUT DON'T GO AFTER HIM!!) Just make sure she knows that it matters and that SHE matters!The WORST thing is to doubt her..or let her think you doubt her.And don't tell her to "forgive and forget"!! ...It will take a long long long time before she can even possibly do that. I don't know what happens when you get raped...but I do know that it hurts your soul.That probably sounds strange. You feel like God allowed it to happen.Since God and angels are always supposed to be there with us...we wonder why they'd just stand there watching and not do anything to help. So she'll have to deal with the soul damage too. Hopefully it wasn't someone she looked up to. Hopefully it was a stranger.I think it's harder if you know the person..esp. if they were someone you loved and admired.She'll probably have PTSD and PANIC ATTACKS. I take a half mg. of risperdal and it helps.(not more because it will make her disfunctional.) They give it in small doses to Viet Nam Vets for PTSD. I tried everything else. This is the first thing I've found that helped. Don't let her go to a regular therapist..Make sure it's someone who deals with rape victims ...hopefully someone it has happened to. There's something called "secondary wounding (google it). That's when the people you tell about it don't believe you or say it's not a big deal or doesn't matter etc. That's like getting raped again. Don't go telling everybody. She'll feel there's a stigma on her because her body has been defiled. Whatever emotions she has..just accept them..even if she has NO emotions. Doesn't mean she's not screaming and grieving inside. Hope this helped some.

YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND NEEDS TO REPORT IT.

I am sorry for what happened, and I'm glad she reached out to her ex-boyfriend. But some women don't know how to deal with it.

It happened to me once, and I feared for my life so badly, I was afraid to report it. I regret not doing so, because it requires a lot of bravery to report someone. I was a coward, I feel, and took the coward's way out.

If you can talk to her about the importance of reporting it, please do so. I highly recommend it. Tell her you will be by her side the "entire way."

Good luck and God bless you both.

She may want to consider calling a "rape crisis" hot line. A nonjudgmental, trained, woman will listen and try to help her.

Also, you may want to call MAR (Men Against Rape) for some advise on how to help her.

These calls can be anonymous.