Need a "professional" on steriods?

I have a project due and i need to interview someone whose profession deals with Performance-Enhancing Drugs. If your not a "professional" you can lie just be convincing.
1)whats your name?
2)whats your profession?
3)are you aware of the issue of (PED)?
4)what are some (PED)?
5)which, if any, (PED) are legal?
6)where can (PED) be bought?
7)what is the price range of (PED)?
8)is there an age requirement to take a (PED)?
9)how can (PED) be taken?
10)what are the positve results of (PED)?
11)what are the short-term negitive results of (PED)?
12)what are the long-term negitive results of (PED)?
13)do you feel (PED) are worth the risk?
14)who, if anyone, would you recomend (PED) to?
15)are there any safe alternitives?
16)could caffein be considered a (PED)?
17)could (PED) effect your sleep?
18)do you think (PED) make you a better hitter?
19)should Mark McGuire be kept out of the hall of fame?
20)does creatine accually make you stronger?

1) Barry Bonds
2) Baseball Player
3)Yes
4)Horse steroids,
5)None
6)Mexico i buy them in Tijuana
7)around 500 pesos
8)no not if you buy them in mexico
9)pills or injected
10) I Become a homerun hitting Monsta, i become superman
11)I get roid rage and pimples in my back
12)my penis shrinks.....oh and so do my testicles
13)yes its so worth it
14)no one because it gave me an infant penis
15)work hard at what you do......
16)no
17)no, i love STEROIDS!!!
18)No but it makes me alot more powerful
19)No because then you would have to keep me out, and Sammy Sosa, Jason Giambi, Jose Conseco, Rafael Palmeiro, and all the cheating greats.
20)try it you'll find out.