Understanding son's peanut allergy?

My husband and I have an 18 month old son who is allergic to peanuts. How do I get our extended family to understand the severity of his allergy without hurting anyone's feelings? They all try to feed him and offer him fluids of different things w/out first having knowledge of the products ingredients, etc. We had it set that no one is to feed him but us, but at our sister's wedding everyone seemed to forget or ignore this. No one acts like they understand he could die from a reaction. Our Grandmother said she could pick noodles (w/unknown ingredients) out of a salad for him to eat. I was blown away for, I have told her many times of cross contamination. I am now terrified to ever leave him in anyone else's care. Please help

You have every right to be nervous. In this type of allergy even the fumes from peanuts, almonds or any nut can be fatal, an allergy is not dose dependant meaning it does not matter how much peanut but simply the presence of them. You have to do what you are doing and take charge because everyone else does not understand and that can be fatal. I hope you have all the antihistamines, and an Epi-pen on hand just in case he does eat peanuts. This will provide a window of time to get him to the ER. In time your son will be old enough to take care of himself, if others around you are so dense, then keep them away from your son. I heard a story about a kid who was extremely allergic and ate a piece of cake with no nuts, but the knife used to cut his cake was used on another cake that did have peanuts. He ate his cake and died, this is not joke a very serious condition. Take care and stand up to the idiots.

im lactose intollerant and even though my friends all know this i get "lets order pizza" constantly. people don't think and you really can't expect them to. do you know the severity of his allergies? i know some but not all have to book peanut free flights etc. i don't know how you get people to understand the severity of it. maybe holding class to explain you need to look extra hard at the ingredients for cross contamination etc or it could be his last meal. they do at least label things. i would assume the best bet would be finding things that aren't cross contaminated and make a list of foods and brands he is ok to eat and anyone taking care of him should pick from the list but anything not on the list would be forbidden. that way they are restricted but still have choices.

The least of your problems is hurting feelings. A peanut allergy is frequently life threatening. What you might do is send your family members a one page fact sheet that explains how serious the condition is and how they can help.
I hope you have an epi pen on hand

It very simple. You need to find documentation to give to your extended family, which explains the severity of this allergy.Do not try and 'soften' it, don't try and be polite. THIS IS YOUR CHILD.Not some doll or toy that can be replaced. Be straight forward, if they don't want to take it seriously, then they don't see your son. I wouldn't let anyone near my child if they weren't going to take his condition seriously. Maybe you can make a list of foods he can and can't have. You need to explain that they need to read the whole list of ingredients on everything that they buy for your son.
You can't worry about hurting their feelings, because God forbid, something happens to your son, you will be the one left with the feelings of not having done enough to try and prevent this, then you will end up resenting the extended family anyways..... There are websites about anaphylaxis that can help. You should tell your extended family to research his condition to better understand it. If they don't want too, then stop them from seeing your son.
Ask yourself what is more important: your extended family's feelings or your son's health? I think the answer is quite clear.
You need to make a big deal out of this. If you make a big deal out of it, maybe the family will realize it is a big deal. Don't sugar coat it. Tell them straight up: "Your thoughtlessness in this matter could very well kill my son." There is no other way of putting it. Be very blunt about your feelings. You can't worry about upsetting them, because I can sense that your upset because they are not taking this seriously. You gave them their chance, if they didn't take it, let your motherly instincts take over from here.

There are many great answers above. My 12 year old daughter has a peanut allergy and has had it since 18 months of age. She's been hospitalized multiple times and been on steroids way too long because of exposures at my ex-husband's house and school. For school, I finally had to pull her out. She now homeschools because last year, she was exposed three times to peanut products (butter, brittle, and candy bar). With the rest of the family, when she was very young, I showed them all at Christmas how to use the epi-pen should my daughter need it. Having this visual of needing to inject a small child with a painful needle helped bring the message home to all. Also, when candy-filled holidays come around, I remind my family to purchase all of the candy for my daughter from a designated list I've provided OR through Kellie's Nut Free Candy. http://www.nutfreecandy.com/ If they give her anything else, I simply ask when they'll be available to sit with my daughter in the hospital, because that's when I'll let her eat their candy. Yeah, it's a little sarcastic, but it gets the point across. No chance is small enough to take when it's your child.

Best of luck to you. It's going to be a long, but managable road ahead.

I soooo know where you're coming from. Both my children have severe food allergies. Sometimes I think the only way our families will get it is if the kids have a big reaction right in front of them (this has not happened thus far, and my eldest is 5). Other than that, we have to be extremely vigilant, and we give them articles on the subject (but they don't really help, I don't think, because "a little bread never hurt anyone" according to a grandmother). So we watch the kkids like hawks, and we mostly bring their food with us everywhere we go, to minimise the risks...

I feel your pain! My 3 year old is severly allergic to all nuts. I'm nice once,after that all bets are off. I explain at length the severity of her allergy and closely monitor what she eats especially around others. My mother-in-law who's in a nursing home (has all of her faculties) totally disregards my wishes. Luckily she's selfish and never offers my daughter any food,candy,etc. But she will eat candy with nuts in front of her after being told not to. (when my husband walks away,she gorges herself) She's is then forbidden any physical or close contact with my daughter. At restaurants,she will order desserts containing nuts after a lengthy discussion amongst us is held about what can and cannot be put on the table. Forgive me for saying this but I'm thankful she's in a home because if she weren't,she may have been in a position to care for my daughter. I think my child may not be here now if that were the case. My mother in law is very careless by nature.

So....you need to put your foot down and not let your son out of your sight when with people who do not understand or comply with his allergy precautions. Nobody is allowed to care for my daughter except for my parents who are almost as well versed as I am regarding her allergy. They also know how to use an EpiPen and keep a nut free home as well.

Good luck, the worrying never ends!