Do parents know?

do parents know when there are problems going on with their kid? like it seems like my parents are soo clueless about my life they no almost nothing. its so weird do other parents with teenage kids know that they drink,drugs,social life, personal issues? or are my parents normal for not knowing anything. but do they know whats going on and just not say anything?( i never tell them anything ) i would like to hear some views of parents! thanks.

Sometimes parents pick up on things, but a lot of the time they don't. Most parents don't want to believe there's anything wrong with the kids. If they're forced to see it, like their kid is arrested or overdoses on something, then they tend to grab on to all the things that were wrong as excuses, but until then they don't want to see it. Parents usually see their kids in the best possible light, as good kids who wouldn't ever do those things. It's rarely reality. Even for "good kids" who aren't going out doing drugs every night or whatever, they almost always have some sort of issues their parents don't know about, whether it's that they're depressed, or they aren't happy with their social life, or whatever else, there's almost always something. No kid is as perfect as their parents would like to think they are.

I was never in trouble for anything, and I never took drugs, or even got drunk as a teenager, and I got pretty good grades in school. But I started cutting myself when I was 16, and my parents never knew about it. They always thought (and still do think) that I was really happy and stable. And my mom's even a psychologist and she still didn't notice. She simply wasn't looking for it. So I'd have to say that most parents probably don't notice these things.

I would guess that most parents probably do have some idea what's going on with their kids, like if they go to a lot of parties then they'll probably guess that they're drinking a little or whatever, but most don't know the full extent of the "bad" things their kids do. Partly because they don't want to see it, and partly because kids tend to hide things from their parents, which then makes it easier for them parents not to see it.

BTW, I put "good" and "bad" in quotes for a reason. In moderation, I don't consider drugs or alcohol inherently bad. And the reason I never used them as a kid was pretty much that I wasn't invited to any parties where those kinds of things went on, rather than that I would have refused to try them if someone had offered. So the point is I'm not judging you or anything.

I never know what is going on with my 3 teenage kids because I chose to be oblivious. That definitely is not the right thing to do but I get so busy that I don't care like I should. They always blow me off when I want to talk to them but they all went to a Catholic High School and I know the kids there are always partying. I do make them come into the bedroom when they get home to wake me so I know when they get home and if they have been drinking. I could be alot better parent, I do trust them somewhat.

I'm not a parent, but I know that my parents never knew about me because I have talked to my mom about it and when I was younger she never knew that I was depressed or anything that I did. It's not all parents, but I think there are a lot of parents who have no idea what is going on with their kids.

It's hard...and it really depends on the family. If you don't tell them anything...and they don't do anything like snoop in your room and listen in on phone calls - then how can they know anything? They probably have a feeling or just know that there's something wrong..but probably don't know what.

Well, mine are 10, 9, 8, and 6. I PRAY they will tell me things like that when they are your age.
Why do they not know? Do you have an open relationship with them? What do they think you are doing, do you think? Are there times where you want them to know, or do you keep things from them on purpose?
When I was 15, I hid a lot from them, but looking back, they probably knew more than they let on....Drugs, though....that's scary. I can only imagine the grief my parents would have felt if one time it had of killed me. I hope and pray my kids won't experiment with all the bad s hit out there.

If the parents trully care about their kids, the will know when their kids are upset or going through stuff. I am a busey parent too, but I know my kids because I choose to be attentive to them. If a perent doesn't care, they will not pay atention. these people should'nt have kids.

I think most people are too busy with trying to keep a roof over their children's heads and food on the table. A lot of people trust in their children too much and can not fathom that trust being being betrayed and abused by their children. They live in the imaginary world that if they are patient and show restraint that their that every thing will end up a bunch of rainbows and sunshine. Never mind that the odds that it will are bad.
Then there are the parents who just don't give a sh*t.

Bottom line: A lot of parents are scared of knowing thinking that if they ignore it the situation will go away, they have to get back to work to pay for it all. They where young once and was able to get by just fine. Only little do they know that the world has changed and even suburbs are littered with victims of vices.

Hi Sara M.,

There are some great parent out there and there are those parents who do their best to keep their families going but are so wrapped up in their work and own issues that unless you communicate to them what is going on they will not know how to help you. You also sadly, have the parents in this world that have no business being parent in the first place. These type of parents could care less about their children to say the least and there's a lot of dysfunction in the family unit as far as A LACK OF communication, care, over all safety and well being for the children. Sometimes there are also drug, alcohol and physical abuse issues in theses families.

Sara, I would hope and pray that you have the type of parents who truly love and care about you and your well being. Like I stated above, unless you talk to your parents and tell them what is going on in your life sometimes they have know way of knowing. The majority of parents want to be able to help and be there for their children, but the child or children have to take pat of the responsibility to communicate. If you can't talk to your parents I strongly suggest talking with a school counsellor, or a professional counsellor outside the school setting in order to help you work though the different issues or problems you may be facing. I wish you all the best!



Sincerely,

Alice H.