My parents have rejected me, what's next...?

I have a family of my own, but through-out my life both my parents reject me, take me back, then reject me again. I have always tried to be a good daughter (no matter what age) but they demand perfection 100 percent of the time, 24/7. They are divorced & it makes it all the worse. They are both verbally abusive & love to assualt with words. No, I don't think it's mental as they laugh and say I'm only playing. Has anyone been here? The pain is almost unbearable as I can't beg for their acceptance anymore and I feel worthless. The only reason I feel like being around is for my child and husband. I'm so ashamed & today was so hard to get through knowing your parents threw you away after you have tried everything.

You obviously have some very good qualities - at least your husband must think so, and your child will think you are the greatest mom in the world. You were raised by rotten parents. Now you are an adult and as difficult as it might be, you must try to put their abuse behind you so it does not keep interfering with your life. Children want the love and approval of their parents. Some parents enjoy torturing children by withholding both. Learn from that experience, but don't follow that example. If you haven't put your parents out of your life, now might be a good time. Do not allow them to abuse you further. The next thing they might do is start the same crap with your child. You have a new family and a new beginning. Devote yourself to that and put the past in the trash.

ya I know

I am sorry for this pain. But the hole in your heart can only be healed by God. People will always fail us. Turn this over to God, and forgive your parents. That will heal you.

Try to be self sufficient

Wow

There must be more details.

Im so sorry.

This has nothing to do with you, if you havent done anything but live.

They seem to have problems. I wonder what THEIR childhoods were like.

hmmmmmmmmm

I used to have that problem with my mother.
It was hard for me to do, but eventually I just gave up on trying and moved on with my life.
She soon realized that our realtionship was falling apart and changed her ways
But if you have a family you are accepted by someone and are needed especially since you have a child.
The best thing to do is not put your child through that and move past what happened with your parents as hard as it is to do

Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life (Paperback) by Susan Forward, Craig Buck

When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life by Victoria Secunda

Move as far away from them as possible and cut off communication completely. You don't want your child picking up their habits or yelling at you just because your parents did. And who knows how they will treat the child. Your best option is to keep them out of your life if they want you out of theirs.

Get into therapy as quickly as possible. Avoid all contact with your parents. They are poison and will kill you if you let them. My parents were losers too, but not nearly as bad. I moved 2500 miles away and therapy helped me immensly. Until therapy I had low self esteem and screwed everything up.

You have a loving husband and a child. What your parents did to your is unexcusable but you need to heal. Your family comes first and the thought that you have someone presently who loves and care for you is the begining of the step.
Unfortunately I have never being in your situation. My parents are over loving.

You are a special person no matter what people around you say and do... You should start by accepting the fact that you may never earn the love and respect that your parents were obliged to give you. Look for love elsewhere. I know there are others who are more that willing to shower you with so much love and affection. Your resentment over what your parents have done will only keep you from experiencing the love others were bound to give you. Have faith in yourself. Move on.

God bless you...

You were lucky enough to find someone to marry, and have a child with. You have your own family, now. You a all grown up. If your parents still torment you, I presume you either live nearby, or with them. I suggest you move your family far away, and only contact your parents once in a long while. And, by phone or letter. They will miss YOU.

stop trying, they arent worth it, your world now is your husband and child, you dont need your parents. its like why do women stay with abusive men, because they are used to the abuse, its scary but something you know. well you are too used to getting trashed by your parents, as soon as my mother died i cut dad out of my life, i wont put up with that crap anymore, so what if im old fat and dont drive. im far from perfect but i wont take the abuse anymore.

A lot of people have been there, it only makes you stronger...when they are old and feeble they will wonder where you are. You are not worthless. You have your own family and thats what matters. Parents are there to be the disapproving eye on their children.. They shouldnt but they are. Just stay focused on your own family.. send cards on holidays.. Be there when they are old and feeble.. thats it.

Stay away from both parents - don't call them or answer their calls either. Maybe they'll get the hint if you ditch them for a while. I know someone with parents like that - and it worked for them. Sorry about the situation.

Does your child and husband really want them around? Are you sure?
If they are causing you that much pain, it's time to step away for awhile. YOu don't owe them anything.
Take care of yourself and nurture yourself and find positive people to uplift you.
Do you really want to be around people that make you feel bad?

i know what you mean. At least you have a child and a husband that love you, and they wouldn't be too happy if you rejected them,s o hand around for your child, unlike your parents did for you.

sorry fr ur pain but now u hav a family of ur own spend quality time with ur husband and child and stop asking fr ur parents acceptance u hav tried enough move on i know it is easier said than done but u must.

say it with me honey.

T-H-E-R-A-P-Y. it's ok to talk to a professional about this. if you have a family of your own, then it's time to turn to them for support. lean on your husband, hug your child, tell your family that you love them. if your parents are going to act like CHILDREN, that is THEIR problem. obviously they are just jealous of you and the fact that YOU have kept a beautiful family TOGETHER and YOU are able to live a HAPPY life. why do you need their acceptance so bad? you DON'T. YOU are NOT worthless. your husband and your child NEED you. their divorce has caused them to lash out at you because you are stable and happy, it is NOT your fault. tell them that you refuse to speak to them and they are not allowed to see their grandchild until they can respect you and your family. you are an adult and you deserve to be treated with respect and love. if they can't handle that, then it won't be the first time in history that grandparents are removed from the picture. you need to respect your family and remedy this situation as quickly and as healthily as you can so you can be the wonderful mother and wife that i know you are.

good luck. e-mail me if you want, let me know how it goes.
fizzywater_311@yahoo.com

((big hug))

fizzy

dear No body can forcefully beg for love from anyone.You have to act in such a way that other loves you without any condition.May be your parents were divorced that's why they are treating you like this.If you know from the bottom of your heart that you are correct then leave this to christ.He know's the situation and sooner or later you will be accepted by your parents.
wishing you good luck.

Yeah, honey, this does sound tough, but I don't think you can do much with your parents. It's unlikely they will change. So have as little contact with them as possible, maybe they will get the hint.
But please, don't take it out on your child or husband. Focus all your love and attention on them, and try to make a happy family. They are the ones who depend on you, and they love you, so be there for them. Don't dwell so much on your parents, just try not to be like them.

Oh darling dats how im feeling now. Im 15 and my parents only love me becoz im the only one that will keep there business going. Nowing i can only achieve my parents love by working for them is ****. My parents laugh in my face wen i try to talk to them. And say im too young for everything. Like you there is only one thing that keeps me going and that is my brother. I will never leave him and i am going to make sure i bring him up, and not deprive him of love or anything else like my parents have to done to me. Sorry you asked the question and im here blabing on about my problems.
If your married why cant you leave them? Maybe not talk to them for a while. They might come to you? Since i am very young and dont have much experience for myself i dont know wat else i can say.
But one thing dat always works for me is:
Hakuna Matata! Such a wondeful phrase....
Hakuna Matata means no worries for the rest of your days....
; )

They sound very controlling and abusive. Try looking up 'serial bullies' on yahoo search. Try to stay away from them entirely. They will drag you through the rocks every time and take you by surprise at other times. Now really go to yahoo and do a search for serial bullies. This will explain a lot of things to you. You are their victim! p.s. mine did the same to me. now with one gone the other is even worse! if you want to talk I am on yahoo messenger by the name of sun_ny2
another search you can look for is for abusive personalities.

i'm only 12 and i am going through that.i feel like there is nothing left to live for.my mom always reject me because i have freinds that r guys.she says that i need to get a real life.i havent seen my dad in 9 years so its not excactly my dream family.i always want my mom to accept me for who i am but she wants a perfect daughter and i cant be that.so she just pays attention to my older sister.i know ur the one who asked the question but i realy need someone to talk to who knows what im going through so could u please e mail me. i could use some reassurense in my life for a first.

Trust me, Lindsay, your parents love you. All parents love their children, there are no exeptions. It is the harsh way that your parents show their love. You must remain strong and accept what happened. But never forget that life is beautiful and no matter what happens - it remains such. Everything changes for the better.

i understand 100%. my father has always (and still does) expected so much out of me. he thinks that everyone should be perfect like him. "i went to school full time and worked full time...ive had the same job for over 25 years...even if im sick i continue on and do what needs to be done." he has always been to demanding and condocending. everything he says makes you feel like crap. why cant you be more like so-and-so? its not that hard. i did it, why cant you? sound familiar? ive known it all too well for all too long. granted i dont have a family of my own, i have grown up not knowing much different that playing mom and caring for other people. my parents divorced when i was 7 or 8. my father moved away, and my mother had custody of my brother and i. she pretty much had a breakdown, and mental problems. my brother was a terror child growing up, and i had to take care of the both of them. i never knew much other than that life. i still to this day dont know whats its like to have a childhood. i was always keeping up the house, cooking, cleaning, etc. i was only 8. so to have a father who repremanded me and expected much more out of me than he saw, killed me. it still eats away at me. i feel like nothing i do is right. i feel like a failure in his eyes. like im just a burden more than anything. im only 20 now, but feel as though i have the soul of a much older person who has seen it all. i cant change what has happened in the past, as cant you, but you can try to move on and be strong. prove to yourself that you are the good person you know you are. a lot of how you feel can be changed my mentally psyching yourself out. if you even pretend to put on front, a happy face, a confident attitude, youll begin to believe it for yourself. i know its a lot easier said than done, but give it a try. you would be suprised at might happen. you obviously have other people in your life who care very much about you (you have a family of your own, right?), so why not try and focus on the positive aspects of your life, and how you make others happy, rather than dwelling on the things in life that make you sad. i could go on for days here, but ill stop for now. please, please feel free to email me any time if youd like to talk. its nice to share and know that there are other people out there like me. good luck :)

I don't know about you, but if it were me, I'd give my parents an ultimatum: "I'm sick of you making me feel bad and not being able to accept me for who I am, you can take me or stay away from me but whatever it is, it will be the last thing you'll do."

Now, you may think that is a bit harsh, but I just don't take that kind of thing, even more so from my family. You say that you stay around because of your child and husband, I will actually stay away because of my child and husband (well, technically I don't have a child and husband, but we're talking hypothetically here). I would be thinking, how is all these bad emotions and the way my parents treats me will affect my child's view of how a family relationship should be?

It's like asking yourself the question, should you get a divorce to spare your child from all the fights and trauma or should you stay together for your child so they don't have to choose?

My parents used to fight all the time and mud slinging each other like crazy, one day I just can't take it anymore and start analysing the words they said to each other. At first they were amused, eventually they get angry at me and told me to shut up. I told them that they're the ones that should shut up and stop saying things to each other that they don't mean just to flame the heat. They fight less around me after that, but ah well... you take what you can get.

I am saying that in my experience in dealing with my family, honesty of what you feel works best. You have to be able to feel good in life because like it or not, you actually affect others. If you are not happy, your husband and child will feel it too. Confront your parents about their treatment of you and not drag you into their problems/issues. Sometimes they don't see what they're doing to other people around them who loves them and you have to knock their heads and make them see past their pride/anger. Parents are like children sometimes.

Be grateful for your husband and child and get counseling to deal with the rejection of your parents. Whether or not they accept you is not your fault but I've found this problem is more prevelant that I would have thought and it can be devastating.

Sometimes we just have to accept that the situation is not our fault, we can do nothing to change it and by all means not let it rob us of the joy of loving those who love us.

Your family does not have to be the family you were born into.

Please get some professional help. You sound like too good a person to be unhappy about something that is not your fault and you cannot change it. Once you've done your best you can do no more!

my mom is like that ..I cant imagine having both parents like that. I remember coming home one day tellin my mom I ranked 1st on something in school, and she looked at me and said "too bad its worthless ... ur still fat" ...btw I was 10, weighin 80 lbs and a competitive gymnast. now I just ignore her ... and its amazing how much she tries to get my attention (to insult me of course) but I dont let her and I treat her like she treated me (I also go to my dad for everything, which drives her crazy .. but u cant do that .. unless u find some other "parental" figures like ur in-laws and get chummy with them). u have a better life going on ... and btw they do wat they do because they're jealous (YES JEALOUS ,, scientifically proven). get ur love and comfort from that husband who lives for u and that baby who lights up everytime u walk in the room... and put them out of ur life. I know its easier said than done ... but for ur sake, it needs to happen now. u've dealt with this too long and its time for it to end.

You have to tell them how it makes you feel, otherwise when you get older you'r just going to burst at some important moment and shock everyone.

Hi, you can't change them but if you are happy in your life you will have achieved success. If you have time right now to read a book, please pick this up and it will help you understand everything - it's not your fault.

Please read this book "Toxic Parents" by Dr. Susan Forward (she's brilliant). It really opened my eyes and I assure you - it will help you immensely. Good luck.