My parent had a stroke and will be relocating near me, need some advice, serious answer only please?

One of my parents had a stroke. Now both of my parents and my grandmother will be moving near me. I live in a major metropolitian area but it is too expensive here for them to live. I will also need to live with them. They are looking at an area near here that will be a two hour commute for me, something I don't want to do. I am able to be mobile in my career and am looking for an alternative. I need some place with a moderate cost of living, a good stroke rehabilitation facility, and respite care for seniors (grandma). I am an only child. Thanks for your help.

I Totally understand your situation because my wife and I are in a similar situation.

Her parents are both elderly and they are divorced. So, my mother in law lives with us and we look after her. My father in law lives alone, fortunately though, he owns his house, so he has no problems there. He also gets his retirment pasycheck from the government, so he's covered.

However, he had a stroke and couple of years ago, then he had surgery for his prostate and a benign tumour in his liver. So as you can see, he's been sick.

When we first got married we lived in a condo close to to where my father in law lives. It was a five-minute drive. Then, we moved out of this place and I had to find another place close to where my father in law. Thankfully a found a house that was about a block away, so that was fine. Meanwhile, my mother in law is still with us.

Recently we bought a house which is about 5 miles from where my father in law lives. That doesn't compare to your two hour commute, but it's a hassle because we both commute (my wife and I) to our jobs. I leave my house at 10 to 5 in the morning and she leaves at 10 to 6 in the morning. The only time we have to see my father in law is in the evenings, so I drive down to his house and my wife makes him some dinner and we just talk. She calls him on the phone all the time and he has a housekeeper that shows up three times a week that takes care of his chores and his laundry. She even does some cooking.

But you know what the worse part is? In their family they're 4 daughters, yet the other 3 don't give a damn about their parents. So it's up to me and my wife to look after the both of them.

What we have done to keep them healthy is to give them a good diet, try to get them to exercise and find activities for them to do. My father in law loves reading. He goes shopping on his own and he visits frequently with his friends.

My mother in law loves pets and plants, so that keeps her busy. She's also a good cook, so she helps uo out with that. BUt we don;t have her do any chores. But her being her, she always tries to do something. We have a housekeeper too, and she does some stuff, but my wife and I do alot of things ourselves.

The important thing for people recovering froma strokes is to keep them relaxed because if they get upset, that might set off another attack, and they may very well die the second time. They also need to be as active as possible, walking going out, that sort of stuff. Plus, they need to be mentally active as well.

If I were in your situation, I'd try to get them to live together because it's really tough to have everyone all over the place. Besides, if someone isn't feeling well or is sick, they can call you immediately or call an ambulance for help. The important thing is that you need to be on top of them all the time without smothering them because if you turn your back on them for a minute, something might happen. It's just like having kids.

But God bless you for taking care of your folks that way because many people wouldn't go to all that trouble, they would just send them a home and forget about them. They'd just go visit them once in a while that would be that. You will be a very prosperous and blessed person because you are showing a great deal of compassion.

you didn't mention where you live, what is it that you need help on?

Try www.realtor.com...... start looking. Find an agent to help you look.

Acupuncture really helped me allot after my stroke.... that, and Tahitian Noni Juice. www.tni.com

Most of all, make sure everyone is getting plenty of water.... a brain without enough water is like a car without antifreeze.

Couldn't you find an assisted living situation for them? A two hour commute would be awful everyday!

Oh, my god. If I didn't know better, I'd say this question was a mean joke.

You really have your hands full, maybe even more than you realize at the moment. I've done this kind of thing before with my mother, and now with my husband, so, if it's alright, I'll offer some advice.

If it was me, the first thing I'd do is arrange things around the house so that they were as convenient as possible for me. I know how selfish that sounds, but you will soon have so MUCH to do, and so little free time, that the more efficiently the chores of the day can be accomplished, the better.

This will, unfortunately, include work. You might want to consider re-location, if there is no long-term care insurance available to your parent who is ill.

You will be the primary caregiver, particularly as time goes by, and the best advice I can give you is to read The 36 Hour Day (Mace and Rabins), which will give you a clear picture of what to expect and what to do.

I wish you all the best, and good luck, dear.

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