Boyfriends parents were abusive, does that make him abusive? HELP?

Theres this guy, sam (fake name) that im with, and i just found out that his parents are divorced bc his dad was abusive. would that make sam an abusive person? hes 26 and very sweet, but still. are u married to someone who had abusive parents? how did they treat you? do u notice anything about their temper? please elaborate as much as you can! thank you in advance!

even if your not married, if u have any knowledge of this, pleeasse help. i dont want to be in a relationship (that could get serious) where im in a bad situtation. i need to know ahead of time. we just started dating so thats why i dont know his different "sides" yet

He may be more proned too it but that doesn't mean anything. The question is how does he fee about it? If its something he might be indifferent about then you may have to keep your gaurd up. On the other hand if he absolutely hates what happened to him and knows the down sides to it you may be fine.
Bottom line, your parents don't know him like you do and you have to TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! If they tell you to beware then beware, but don't push him out just because he MIGHT do something. He MIGHT also die the day before he is to propose. Don't make decisions based on what MIGHT happen.

Your parents would try to tell you that he would be.

I think it's unfair to assume that your boyfriend would be abussive because one or both of his parents are. Yes, there ar those few people that turn into abusers themselves, but for the most part, if a person has an abusive family member, they become the oppisite, because they despise those type of people so much.

I dated and married a guy who had a abusive father. I met him when i was only 16..and when we got married, he did get really mean, BUT he never got help with any of it, so he was really messed up..i suggest you watch this guy very careful, he could change in a snap!

to be honest ya he will have some of the same tendencies that his father would have. Ex. My dad was semi abusive and I find myself getting the same kind of anger problems as he has. But, by knowing this you can help! Counciling is always helpful and even couples counciling. Its all about how much work you are both willing to put into it to make things good.

Not necessarily. If he's had the help and done the work to become a survivor instead of a victim, he probably is not abusive.

Talk with him. Rather, ask him to tell you about his childhood and about the help he got, if any. Just sit back and listen.

At some point, though, you have to decide for yourself if he's right for you, all around.

Here's my view on this subject. My dad was abusive and abused me and my mom a lot, verbally and physically. The only thing you need to worry about is the fact that he may have an anger problem due to the traumatizing abusive from his parents. This does not mean that he will be abusive but if you are there with him when he needs it and talk about any issues he has been through, I'm sure you will have nothing to worry about if you completely understand each other.

Either he will be abusive because this is all he knows and has been around or he will not be because of it. Each situation is different I have seen examples of both. Hard to say. Unless you have a reason to believe he is or will be abusive, give him a chance. At the first sign though I would be out of there.

He might have unresolved issues and emotional baggage... do you know if he's ever had therapy to help him get through the abuse?? Hopefully he doesn't become like his father but it's slightly possible. He's probaly a nice guy trying to move on with his life, give him a chance and if he starts showing red flags then run!! Goodluck =)

here are 2 different relationships i went through... totally opposite... my ex husband is just like his dad, but he saw what went on. he hit me once and i threw him in jail, when he got out he never hit me again. he also picked up on his dads cheating habbits and cheated on me a lot, and never felt sorry for it either, i guess his dad made him feel like its ok. i also just dated a guy who had an abusive father but again he was around to see this go on. but he never hit me. he never even raised his hand to me or made me feel the slightest bit scared. so really it depends on the person. if you have been together a long time, you know him better than your parents do, and should do what you feel in your heart not by what your parents think. dont get me wrong your parents just want whats best for you and in their eyes no man in this world is going to be "good enough" for you. you are their daughter and i am sure they just want the best. so if i was you, listen to what your parents say because they love you, but in the end make the decision on your own because you know your boyfriend more than they do. take care!!

i dont think so because abusive parents do not make their son abusive.I think so.

It is not an imagination from my mind but i have a friend who also his parents are abusive he is quite gentle and soft and friendly.He doesn't get angry at all.

So try your best and do not make any thing which might anger him or get him disappointed.

Try 2 persuade your parents that he won't harm u.He is as ordinary as any person with non abusive parents.

Wish u the best of luck.

no he could be the complete opposite because he endured the abuse himself, watch for warning signs like rages and explosive temper, verbal abuse etc, maybe he turned out ok give him the benefit of the doubt also try to talk to him about this. take care