My friend has had social anxiety since I can remember, but shows signs of panic disorder and agoraphobia from what I've read online. Can someone have all three? Over the years I've become drained and just can't deal with her avoidance, fear, and compulsive questions for reassurance about how she looks, sounds, walks, etc. It's driving me nuts!!!!!!
I don't want to stop being her friend, but if she does not get help, I risk losing my own peace of mind by allowing her to constantly pull me into her world of fear. Also, I just can't stand seeing her this way. Unless myself and another friend visits her she is always alone in that small apartment with nothing but her computer, tv, and radio. I know she is "not" psychotic, dangerous, or anyting like that. But this is nuts!!!
How can one person go years constantly worried about what others think of every little thing she does. She may not be crazy now, but it's bound to happen if she continues to spend time alone like this. Also, if this is paranoia, does that mean she is destined to be this way forever? My understanding is that paranoid people stay that way. She has seen tons of doctors, with no success, and no meds have worked. Is this the life she's going to live as a young woman, and beyond? Treating patients with psychological disorders is something that professionals train over a decade to understand to do properly. You cannot help your friend. It is not your responsibility to help your friend and you must give yourself permission to let her live in solitude if she chooses. You must also recognize that this is not your choice. It is hers.
Yes she can most definitely suffer from all three, but who cares? If her social anxiety is extremely high, panicking and avoiding the world via agoraphobic tendencies are simply side effects.
I am strongly against any form of diagnosis, but the fact that she craves affection, pushes away, and avoids could be avoidant personality disorder....but here is the bigger question....why you need to help her.Your desire to help is noble and kind, but put plainly stop.
The doctors she has seen did work, she stopped going. The medication she took did work, she stopped taking it. She will remain this way by choice her entire life and she will drag every person in that she can because it is easier than facing the fact that she is suffering from mental illness and is refusing help.
If she broke her foot and went out to play basketball on it everyday after she went to the hospital to get a cast and then took it off, you wouldn't feel so sorry for her.
If she had bronchitis, went in to get antibiotics, took them for three days until she felt better, then stopped the prescription (instead of finishing them the full 10 days as prescribed), then got bronchitis again, you wouldn't feel sorry for her either.
The problem is that mental conditions are not as widely talked about, we see someone suffering and WE panic!! We have no idea what is wrong with them and we feel awful for their suffering.
Stop - you have the world's support on your side. After you stop going for a while, you will see how terrible things have been for YOU. It's all the same thing. Anxiety. I understand how you feel. But if she won't get help, then you need to "love her from a distance." Don't just drop out of her life--tell her that if she won't get help, you just can't be around her anymore. You know, people are so self-absorbed that no one is constantly thinking about her. Sounds a bit paranoid. You and the other friends are just enabling her to continue this way. Think of an intervention. Get a professional to help you. Everyone gets together and tells her how much the love and care for her, but if she doesn't get help, you all won't be able to be in her life anymore. Yes, it is very possible to have all three together. Your friend needs lots of reassurance, and maybe some therapy would help her. This may help her paranoia as well as her social phobia. Its The Same Thing Do you really think that an "intervention"is a good idea for someone who suffers from paranoid delusions Bmac? Think about it...
When you make a decision to care about someone and love them... You should do it unconditionally or don't even bother trying at all.
If you can sit here and tell us all this, than you pretty much have a firm grasp on her ticks and triggers so you could actually try being honest with her and trying to help her.
I shudder to think about what kind of life she has led to actually be this way. It is maddening and tormenting for her I am sure.
Sounds to me that you are more worried about your own state and condition than you are hers. Maybe you are afraid that you somehow mirror her somewhere down deep inside? If you know yourself and your own mind... There should be no worries of the possibility of her "Dragging you down." You just don't want to deal with the bad times... That is not a friend.
It is a fair weather friend at best.
Useless if you ask me!
You bailing out and leaving her without a proper explanation and at least trying to help her will make you one more thing that cements her belief system into her brain and possibly pushes her over the edge.
A true friend should be worth the expenditure... If you are not a true friend. Get out now and at least suggest somewhere she can go to get help.
I would take her somewhere to get help and hold her hand... be active in her therapy, ask her Doctor to show you how to help her learn to cope. Snap her out of it rather than prove to her that she is right...
You should never love someone to your own detriment...but if you walk out without even trying what good are you? Life is not always about what you get from it... Sometimes it is better lived in a moment of self sacrifice and in doing for someone who can't help themselves without you...
When you give... You get. Of course they can have all of them, just look at how closely related they are.
If you have to ask the question, you are in over your head and have to pull back from the relationship. People like this can drain and drain and drain until you find something in yourself that you hate so much you throw them out of your life (he says from previous experience and from watching another person go through a similar experiences recently.)
You say she has seen lots of doctors, but has she followed their advice, medication and orders? Something has seriously distorted her life and you are worried about her distorting your life, which is perfectly proper.
If you are unwilling to take legal action to help her or unwilling to be involved in notifying authorities of her increasing problems, then you need to get a life of your own. Social anxiety can cause these feelings, which can also lead to severe depression,
http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/ds...
if not you could be suffering from Generalized Anxiety
Disorder..http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/general_anx...
There is hope; I've been there, and still am there, it is a long, hard struggle. I recommend
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/cognitive_b... worked best for me, with mild anti-anxiety meds. I suffered from social anxiety for over 15 years. I've tried individual therapy, and group therapy and studied psychology for 10 years, as a profession, but also with the hope to cure myself.
Depending on your comfort level, you could go to a psychologist that practices CBT and specializes in anxiety disorders, seek a group therapy, or create one. Usually those that do attend the group therapy are a bit more high functioning because as you know, it can be difficult to speak in a group.
Another idea is to see if there are any local research studies being conducted that you could participate in.
The program that finally worked the best for me is this one: http://www.socialanxiety.us/findinghelp.... and I was lucky enough to have a structured behavioral group to go along with it. Sometimes the people that actually attend this program come back home and form groups.
I recommend a mild anti-anxiety med in addition to CBT therapy.
Any questions, let me know ... I can't tell you how much this has improved my life! There is a DSM-IV diagnosis called Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia, because the two of them commonly go together. Or somebody can have Panic Disorder without Agoraphobia, or Agoraphobia without Panic DIsorder.
Agoraphobia is fear of open spaces. Social Phobia is fear of being around other people, being judged, excessive self-consiousness, etc. I never heard of Agoraphobia and Social combined in one person, but the psychiatric might give more than one diagnosis if the patient meets the criteria for both.
What you're descibing sounds more like Social Phobia than anything else. It doesn't sound like she has true Paranoia either. I hope she will consider going to a doctor for that. |
