Does the dying choose when to go?

My grandmother died just a few days ago in palliative care. It was so sad because she passed away just after me and my dad said good bye and said we promised to visit her again tomorrow. We just walked out of the hospital when we got a phone call from grandpa that grandma was gone...grandpa sat beside her for the whole time.
Did she choose to die at that point because she was glad to see us for the last time? Or was it only a coincidence. I keep thinking it was the moment she chose to leave because she was happy to see us. I had the impression that she was holding onto life until the end. She had cancer in the liver for 15 years.

I don't know. My mom died 6 days after her 42nd birthday, 4 days after my dads 41st birthday. i like to think she was holding out for my dad. but she died 3 days before easter too. it was 4 years ago I was 10.

There are lots of stories like this.

Indeed, for some people who have been struggling for a long time, Doctors will tell loved ones to tell the ill that its OK to "go on" or "give in" or "let go".

That is, "don't hang around on OUR account!"

Yeah, most of what keeps us alive is physiology and instinct ... but there is certainly some amount of mind-over-matter, and if people are on the edge, they can choose to give in and die, usually peacefully.

One pretty common scenario is the husband and wife who have been married, basically forever - one dies, and the other dies within a couple of weeks.

In any case, we always say about the ones who have struggled for a long time that "they're a fighter". However, fighting is tiring - and sometimes people need to give themselves permission to get out of the ring.

I had kinda the same thing happen to me.. I could not go to sleep one night at all and i finally fell asleep at 4 and then my mom called to tell my that my grandfather had passed away at 4 this morning.. Now i thought that was weird. For you i think she wanted to see y'all for the last time and say your good byes to her.. I don't know.. But i don't think its was a coincidence though..

I will say that I work for a hospice and it seems to me in most cases that people DO chose when to go. alot of my patients wait until a special family member come and say there goodbyes. i personally believe that people have the strength to hold on until they feel it's right to go. i have seen this so many times. I am so sorry to hear about you grandmother, god bless

I wonder sometimes. Before my father passed (while he was in the hospital) he kept pointing to the clock saying he had to get home by 3. Well, he went home that day and died around 3am the next day. He went into a deep sleep, woke up and starting praying. . . and took his last breath.

I just lost my great grandmother in September, she didn't have cancer, it was just old age. But the same situation happened where I had just seen her a few days before and I was going to visit her the next day. She was 108, so she was holding on for a long time, and I think that she was at peace because she got to say goodbye. So, in my experience, yes, if a person is happy, they will let go and choose to pass on.

I made it home 2 hours before I lost my dad 7 months ago...I think that in some way, we know...when it's time. Maybe we get an angel to sit with us for a while til we finish business. It's a nice thought. I thinkwe just finally relax and accept the fact.
My sympathy to your family...hold her in your heart. She'll never be far.

Sorry to hear about your grandmother. I have heard stories very similar to yours and I would like to think it is true that it's no coincidence. I'm sure your grandmother was happy to see you and your dad and was overcome by a sense of comfort which allowed her to pass peacefully.

I'm sorry for your loss.
Most of us like to believe that our dying loved ones held on just to see us one last time before passing. The truth is that we really dont know. There is no way to test any theory on the subject to support a theory.
It makes US feel better about their passing if we know that we had the chance to say goodbye. Because we think that we would feel better about dying if we had the chance to gather our loved ones for one last farewell.

i dont think she planned it but you never know and im sooooooooo sorry that you lost your grandmother!!!!!!! but im sure shes not in as much pain were she is now than were she was.

You know what, thats really interesting. I once read an article that when you REALLY look forward to something ex) your 100th b-day, you want to have it soo badly, that when it happens you die because what you have lived for.

Sorry about your grandma.

Yes I do believe they do. My cousin had cancer 12 years ago and he kept holding on for his parents who had already lost one son (16yr. old) to a vehicle accident (a drunk driver crossed the center line, hit him head on, he was on a motorcycle) When my cousin got so bad he couldn't take the pain any longer he asked his Mom and Dad if it was ok if he left now. As soon as they said yes, he told them he loved them and they said their last good-byes. He told them he would find his brother who had passed away and tell them how much he was missed then he closed his eyes and he was gone. So I do believe they choose when to go.

Only God knows this. But you've heard the term 'hanging on ' , you did get to see her before she went home, so be thank ful for that. a lot dont get that chance..............

ABSOLUTELY YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mum was diagnosed in may this year with an aggressive kidney cancer. when found it had already spread to her liver and lung. She past away sept 7. Mum was extremely ill two weeks before she past and we made a family decision that palliative care may "pick her up" if she was given extra fluids etc.. trying to extend her life.... When we all realised that this was not possible and her life was slipping away she was so desperate to get home, Mum wanted to be home for her final moments. It took around 5 days to sort of paper work (i don't know why so long but anyway!!!!) so Mum could come home. She waited, absolutely Yes!!! She arrived home on the wed morning, and less a day she was gone. Im glad she got her last wish....... xx

People do that. They wait until they see people who are important to them. I think she was waiting to see you and your dad.

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