How does someone with PTSD repair broken relationships?

I have a friend who's had severe PTSD for a long time (due to sex abuse). He's started EMDR treatment but still has a long way to go. This has cost him jobs, relationships (personal and professional) and other stuff too. His family is severely in denial and can't be bothered with his problems. He lost his last job due to the PTSD and is now looking for a new one and wants to move soon. He knows that he needs to continue to get help so the PTSD doesn't hang over his head forever.

How does he deal with flashbacks, anger and trying to repair these broken relationships (other than with the family). Sorry this is long and involved. But I'd appreciate all constructive input. Thanks!

i believe you said he is in EMDR treatment for this correct? and as you said he has a looooong way to go. That pretty much covers it! For me it took years!! As far as flashbacks, well those will eventually, slowly but surely go away by him facing the demon. Talking about it perhaps even writing a letter to the offender and SENDING it. It is important that we face the fear...the trauma HEAD ON! This is the way in which to begin the repair process.

As far as the broken relationships... well most of them can never really be put back together again. Honestly depending on the situation and i don't know his, it may or may not have been his fault to begin with and there really isn't anything for him to put together with those. I mean if he wished to go back for whatever reason and bring those people from the past back into his life and they wish to be a part of his life as he is today, then they will with open and loving arms, and if they do not, then away with them. I mean it should just be that simple. All he needs to say to them is that he is suffering and trying to recover from PTSD and if needed explain what it is; most people know what it is these days. Hey if yer past relationships or present relationships don't get it, let it go. Why? He has ENOUGH work do do with himself let alone dealing with other people right now. All he needs around him is support and love.

AS far as the anger try to see if he can be put on a mood stabilizer at least temporarily. That ought to help with that.

he'll get through it if he came this far

I have PTSD from the Vietnam war, it takes alot of people to understand the underlying causes and alot of patients which most people don't seem to have today. He needs a close friend that won't get angry when he starts to act up I take some medications but they don't seem to help alot.



It's more self control and trying to keep your self busy at something he enjoys. Being alone for long periods of time doesn't help.

Has he tried to qualify for disability? It is now recongnized as a disabiling factor as long as he can get a mental health doctor to give him a 100 % rating if he is not suitable for work
or is affecting his relationships with family, friends, work mates
or girl friend or wife or children.

It sounds to me as he qualifies.

Sincerely yours,
Fred M. Hunter
fmhguitars@yahoo.com

EMDR facilitates the accessing of the traumatic memory network, so that information processing is enhanced, with new associations forged between the traumatic memory and more adaptive memories or information.

These new associations are thought to result in complete information processing, new learning, elimination of emotional distress, and development of cognitive insights. EMDR uses a three pronged protocol: (1) the past events that have laid the groundwork for dysfunction are processed, forging new associative links with adaptive information; (2) the current circumstances that elicit distress are targeted, and internal and external triggers are desensitized; (3) imaginal templates of future events are incorporated, to assist the client in acquiring the skills needed for adaptive functioning.

In order to deal with broken relationships the person must work on their PTSD and learn what their triggers are when they are in a relationship so that they know why the act the way they do. They need to become more aware of how they are behaving and see what connections there are to the PTSD and the idea of a healthy relationship. And they need to look at why they sabotage relationships or pick unhealthy people. It can be done, it is a journey and you must be patient.

If he is already in treatment and using EMDR, he is already doing quite a bit towards healing from this trauma and it would be quite difficult to give specific advice above and beyond what I've already shared. He is fortunate to have a caring and supportive friend like you as his family is unable to rise to the occasion which unfortunately is not uncommon. He will need a supportive friend who accepts his difficulties and who is able to listen without judging his reactions and choices, particularly while working thru EMDR which often can trigger deeper trauma memories and make symptoms temporarily appear worse.
One very important principle in any work with trauma survivors is the concept of empowerment and respecting his choices and need to control the rate at which he pursues treatment and what he chooses to deal with and when. Trauma survivors have had their control stripped away and part of healing is to return that power to them. Help him build a reserve of positive memories and experiences to draw on to soothe himself and combat the feelings of shame most survivors struggle with.
Relationships that have been damaged by symptoms, albeit unintentionally, can often be repaired by simply sharing more about what happened if the damage occured as a result of an extreme or inappropriate reaction to someone's behavior that triggered the reaction. Often people are willing to forgive and forget once they understand why a person behaved the way they did. Taking responsibility for his part in an altercation helps him develop relationship skills that may be difficult as he may not have seen this modeled, judging from what you described about his family being in denial. It can be very healing for trauma survivors when those who perpetrated the abuse or contributed to it by their failure to protect the person as a child are able to accept responsibility for their piece. When that doesn't happen it is often hard for the survivor to do the same in their own relationships where they may have contributed to the problem too.
Forewarning friends of known trigger behaviors and key trigger words can be valuable too as they can often avoid triggering rages and at least better understand reactions when they inadvertently step on a loaded emotional landmine. I have a client who has identified certain trigger words that I can avoid and behaviors and we have found alternative words that aren't triggering for difficult issues that need to be addressed.
I wish I knew what else to tell you but without knowing further details of what led to the damaged relationships I cannot be more helpful-perhaps his therapist can explore that further. I hope this is somewhat helpful.