PTSD I need help tonight, serious answers only?

I have been suffering from PTSD for many, many years now. Unfortunately, I'm also bi polar, which only makes it worse. The last three days have been horrible. The traumas that caused have been foremost in my mind; and when I try to sleep (assuming of course that I can sleep), I have the most horrible nightmares and wake up screaming.

This morning, in an effort to stop those horrible flashbacks, I slammed my head against the wall so hard I put a hole in it(the wall). Sometimes using pain can shock me out of those flashbacks and into the present, but it didn't work today.

When I got out of the shower this morning I realized that I'm suicidal. I've been dealing with this with therapy and medication for so long, I just realized I'll never be over it. I'm going to ask my doctor about a lobotomy, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm not willing to live the rest of my life like this; I've been dealing with this for decades already. I don't want to die; I just want this to end.

I have dealt with PTSD; I can only imagine what it's like with bipolar. Sounds like the PTSD is pretty bad. But I can say that you wouldn't have written if you didn't see some option for being happy; what would "happy" feel like to you? What would your life be like? Think about these things and aim for them. When negative crap gets in the way, pull your focus back to what you hope for.

I got EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) for PTSD. It helped a lot. It makes life way less scary.

Also, meditation every day helps a LOT. I know it's a big thing to get into, but it saved my a$$ more times than I can count and it continues to. I do Buddhist meditation (insight meditation) but any kind will do. Just find a way to give yourself some hope.

Both EMDR and meditation can change your brain.

There are many new treatments for PTSD and bipolar disease - don't lose hope! Lot's of combinations of medications are being used, surgery (especially lobotomy) is not used for PTSD - you don't need to lose parts of your brain to get past this pain.

CALL YOUR DOCTOR NOW. A dose of Klonopin or other med (she and you will know best) can get you through the night then you can work on a plan to deal with nights like these.

I can't know your pain, but I do know about these conditions from personal experience (same diagnoses), and I'm a doctor. It's hellacious, but the fact you don't want to give up means you can get through it.

Have you been taking your meds as prescribed? Just a question, or maybe the combination isnt working. Therapy is nice and good while ur there but if you cant apply the resolutions you get there while you're away from the therapist its really nearly no good. I think the fact that you realize somethin gdeeper in the situation-feeling that you'll never get over it, is actually a glimmer of hope, as backwards as it sounds. It means you can actually rationalize that you have been seeing an md and getting prescriptions but to no avail-you still feel the pain of the issue at hand. Have you been stuck on the same therapist? If so a chance may do u good, a fresh mind in on the matter, a new outlook. Someone who can have a new viewpoint and u can look to not as the same old guy as before. Sometimes with PTSD the more you discuss it-as bad as it may be- the less meaning it will have. No not that it wont hurt I definitely dont mean that but once you've reviewed it 10million times it may be 0.0001 less stressful as the time before. And in this case anything is better than nothing. These are my only suggestions, I really do wish I could give you a magic dose of something thatll make it better or go away. I can only imagine the hurt, you feel it everyday and to know you went to bodily harm to your head, it has got to be with you 24/7. Please seek new help if you think this may be beneficial at all to you. Suicide wont make it go away totally because those who love you will have something that can never be undone, you are here and b/c of that there is still hope. Best of luck to you

PTSD and Bipolar are very serious by themselves. You must be dealing with a lot right now. I think the most important thing you can do is to communicate how you're feeling to your doctor. I don't know that a lobotomy is an appropriate therapy because it would be injuring your frontal lobes - affecting judgement and not necessarily memory.

Do you have anyone you can talk to besides your doctor? Is there any way you can write some of these memories down? There's an old idea that when you capture a bad memory on paper, it traps it there and it can't haunt you anymore - but you have to write it out until it's all the way out - have you tried this?

Understandably, you are under enormous stress and need some support, help, and love. I hope that you get those things. If you have a plan for suicide, please go to the nearest hospital immediately.

Please take care.

Okay Sport
I'm no guru -- but I am somewhat familiar with this stuff you're talking about at least on a couple of levels -- and, you may not like what I'm going to say here -- but, it's meant to be a help -- so, give me some room -- okay ?
As a veteran of Vietnam -- I came out of that place with some baggage -- so did a lot of folks -- I've been able to kick MY "stuff" with effort and time -- and, have been called on by a number of others to "walk them thru" on several occasions !
Some of this is not pretty at all -- and the snag-point just digs in deeper the harder you pull on it !!
BUT (here goes) what is this "therapy" doing for you ? Any better for it ? I don't think so !! These people get paid really good money to keep you coming back !! How do they do that ? They keep you in the loop -- and the loop is what you're needing free of !! Does this stuff keep THEM up at night ? Are THEY any worse off if YOU are ?
What you are needing here -- is to find a way to "get out of yourself" !! The loop you are in has you circling around and around this particular "thing" and in order to Break this cycle -- you are simply going to HAVE to get into other things SO deeply that it doesn't have a chance to continue !!!
And, the best way in the world for you to battle something like this --- is to stop fighting IT and start fighting something else -- and it has been MY experience that the best thing to BE at war with at these times ---- is SOMEONE ELSE'S PROBLEMS !!! Reach out and get hold of someone to give a hand to --- through an outreach center for battered women -- a homeless shelter or a food bank somewhere --- the deeper you get into being a GOOD thing for THESE people -- the better things are going to become for YOU --- and you'll be shocked at the benefits to your sense of worth and self esteem and "reason for living" --- ALL of that comes into a new perspective !!
I hope that you can understand -- as personal and as tough as this is -- that you are not the only one -- and that others have dealt with --- and conquered this crap !!
The best to you --- give it a solid pitching fit !! Don't let this THING steal anymore from you than what it has already taken !! Reclaim what is YOUR'S ---- YOUR LIFE !!!!

Your disorder seems to be troubling you deeply. PTSD can be quite difficult to resolve. You did not mention the cause of the PTSD, but whatever the cause, I feel you are right- you do need to try to overcome the problem.
And it also looks like your regular medications and therapy are not working for you. I am not sure what type of therapy you have tried but I think that Hypnotherapy may work for you.
It will not resolve your bi-polar disorder but it will help you resolve the traumatic incident that caused the PTSD.
Hypnotherapy is a clinically recognised form of therapy and it has good success rates for PTSD.
I would recommend you can see if your psychiatrist knows of any certified clinical hypnotherpy practioners that he/she could refer you to.
Or try online for clinical hypnotherapy practioners -some doctors do offer hypnotherapy services.
Have a look at the link below for more information.
clevelandclinic.org/health/health-info...
index=9930
As a final note - it is difficult to deal with these problems but remember you are not alone. There are lots of services and help available out there. Don't give up. Hope this helps.