My mother has been diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma (a kind of blood Cancer). How to break this news to her?

Three months back, my mother has been diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma (a kind of blood Cancer). It was a chance discovery. She was hail and hearty and she had gone for a routine blood check up. The disease is in the initial stages. The treatment has started. We have told her that there is problem with her white blood cells. But we have not told her that she has blood cancer, since she is a very sensitive lady and we are afraid that she would be shocked and would get into depression. Could you please tell me how to break this news to her? I am very confused and sad. Please help.

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear of your mom's diagnosis. My dad had this and they told him right away. They also told him that it isn't curable but it IS treatable. I would make sure she knew this, as she has a long road ahead of her and a lot of things happening can be treated--such as pain. Since she has it in the initial stages I would think it is a good thing, as they can start therapies on her sooner. I would do as suggested above by some of the others and make an appointment with her doctor and go with her. Also make sure their office arranges an appointment with an oncologist and plan to attend that meeting as well. Perhaps a talk with her doctor before she has the appointment will help you and give you ideas on how to help her deal with it. Also a Social Worker has a wealth of information that could be really helpful with info down the road. I believe the American Cancer Society has information on treatments and drug trials if you are interested in investigating beforehand. Keep an eye on her depression and don't worry--her physician can give her some antidepressants. If you see symptoms of depression, call their office and there should be no trouble getting her a prescription. I wish you both luck and my thoughts and prayers are with you. As another thought, my friends grandmother had cancer and the family didn't want her to know. (This was years upon years ago when not a lot could be done). But she knew something was wrong and kept asking questions of the family. It is an unfortunate thing to have to break to anyone, but I think she is better off knowing. She can make decisions of her own treatment that way.

Her Dr. should have told her in the first place! I would go with her to his office and have him tell her with you there. That way you are there for support, and he can answer any questions she has. She deserves to know the truth, and the sooner, the better. Don't treat her like a child, she's your mother for heaven's sake.

You should have told her right away. She is an adult and should be in charge of her own recovery. Tell her now. Just tell her. She needs to know. I would be furious if my children kept me in the dark about a serious health problem.

Very sorry to hear this bad news. I guess I would find out the prognosis and, as the previous person said, let her know the best you can. Again, sorry to hear about your Mom's troubles.

Are you the diagnosing physician?
How would you know about the diagnosis-- unless she told you after her doctor told her?

I am so sorry this has happened and my heart goes out to you. But she has the right to know, and telling her as you say is going to be very difficult. As I see it there is no easy way of telling her, and I would just sit her down and explain it as simple as you can. Its going to be heartbreaking for you both. I wish you and your mother well.

She needs to know. Just tell her. I would be really upset if someone kept this from me. She is probably not as fragile as you think. She should know so she can make decisions about treatment. It is normal to becaome depressed after hearing something like this. Just make sure she has a great support team around her including family, Dr's, nurses, counselors etc....

Its a very big dilemma for you, but you know that telling her is the right thing to do. If you have other brothers/sisters, I would suggest you all be together to break the news to her. And after telling her about it, be ready to tell her that all of you are there to support her and all of you are going to make sure that she gets through this. Let her know that now its in the initial stage, so there's nothing much to worry about. Knowing that its in its initial stage will give her hope. Tell her to keep continuing the treatment and she will be fine in no time. Give her as much support and hope as you all can so that she knows she's not alone. If possible, try not to leave her alone. All the best. I am sure she will be fine.

I pray to God that everything goes fine with your mom. I know its hard to tell her, you have to decide.But she must know. But also that if she knows, as u said she is very sensitive, u don't know what effect that truth will pose on her. If I were you I couldn't have and let no one tell her what she has. Let her live the life happily, give her all the joys she deserve. Bring cheers. Still I dont know man I don't know if I were you what could I have done. I can't tell. I am really very upset to know all that. Better you decide. I think you shud tell her and then you should be as close to her as possible all the time. You should also be vigilant and should distract her from that feeling. Please sorry, I can't say.......
I wish keep praying to God. and be praying.....thats the only thing you should do...... and we would do..... too..

It's better to tell her instead of keeping it from her and having her find out later-she may resent you for that. Most of my patients do have depression due to their diagnosis and are on antidepressants to help them thru the treatment and diagnosis. Best to do in the md office so that they can answer any questions that she may have.

As a healthcare provider myself it disgusts me that your mother had a provider that did not insist on telling her themselves. This is poor care of a patient and puts the patients loved ones in this kind of situation. Sad. Tell her soon, in a loving way.

How about a second opinion from an oncologist who deals with blood disorders...He or she will tell your Mom the news, make sure someone goes with her to the appointment.....Talk to the doctor before your Mom sees him, and tell the doctor what has been going on....

I can fell your pain and understand what you must be going through. At times, it is very hard to take such decisions but one day or the other you have to tell the truth to her. So better tell her now. But before that, you have to control your emotions and be calm and gather the courage to break this news. Let there be some close relatives around her when you tell this news to her. It will be easier for you to handle her. I pray for her. I wish u luck. Be brave!

I had this problem six years back when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. We did not tell her till she breathed last. We used to treat her symptom based. No chemo. She died within six motnhs and till the death she was not knowing that she was dieing. How old and how strong your mother is? Do not give her any shock because if not the cancer, the shock will kill her.

It needs to be decided by you and all the family members about the manner in which you all would be proceeding further with the disease.
In case you all decide not to give her Chemotherapy or other invasive treatment, you may avoid telling her.
However, if you all decide to give her invasive treatment, then it must be told to her. It is medically accepted proposition that in treating a cancer patient with invasive ways, medicine work 1/3 and will power of patient work 2/3.

see breaking this news abruptly to her will be a problem u need to do this very carefully u can take guidance from a psychiatrist and then do it becoz she has to know for wat she is being treated for.
i m from medical profession

I do not understand how in the world you know, but she doesn't. Why was she not present when the results were read? How is she being treated without knowing why? What Dr would do this....I think NONE. This does not make any sense. Her Dr HAS to tell her what she has and discuss treatment options WITH HER. I KNOW....I am a late stage 3 Multiple Myeloma patient that has additional Plasma Cell Leukemia. If any bit of this is true, she is not being treated fairly. Any physician that would treat without telling a person what they have should have their license taken away.

Since it is in its initial stages you need not break the news to her. May be with proper treatment she can be cured or at least maintain a status quo concerning her disease. If you however decide to break the news then she will have a psychological disadvantage. Please remember : "Ignorance is bliss"

Sorry to hear this... I would say bettr dnt let this(if u stil nt revld it out),becoz jus thnk practiclly.... U urslf thnk bad abt tellin her and scrd of how to tel her and when she come to knw abt this then she wil keep thnkin wat wil hapn in the next moment, and how to take care of my childrn and thr future and al those kinda thoughts whr the happinz wil go off and the sorrw wil capture her mind(nt mere the cancer) got it.. so leav it as it is nw... Take care of her the way u do and thnk... keep her happy and dnt give her the way of thnkin of abt her health... all are gonna go one day atlz til that wil enjoy our life(by nt knwg our end).... so plz keeeep this wit u and us may be...

Take care of u and her... Letz pray god that she muz get wel soon ...

Do not tell her , Take her to good doctor ..Keep your mother happily

Sorry to hear that. Tell her gently that she ahd been diagnosed with blood cancer, but is getting treat for it.