Mental health, analyze this?

Breif history.
My mother and brother died when I was 8 and 9. My life with my mother was okay. She was a heavy partier with cancer, and my brother required alot of attention because he was sick too. I went to live with dad at age 9. Step mother was very abusive. Had problems in teens with drugs and sex. I think I was always looking for the wrong kind of attention/temporary release. Anyhow life has never really been good to put it simply. My mental health destroyed my marriage, which I am trying to fix. He is gone and I am working on myself.
Here are my problems now.
Explosive temper, unusual sensitivity, depression, crying spells, lack of motivtion, extreme fear of abandonment, loss of identity (I tend to define what I like by the person I'm with) Very low confidence, Drug addiction, needy personality, selfishness, and trouble making healthy relationships,I get clingy too fast. I was wondering if someone could give me advice. I have no insurance. I know I need help.

I have done a little research on the internet, depression fits of course, and some bipolar maybe, but my fits of extreme emotion and depression don't really stay for long, they can come for an hour and then just go away, when I read about borderline personality disorder I cried because all the sypmtoms seem to fit perfectly with my situation. Not sure what to do , or how to get better.

You know that feeling you get when you are doing a jigsaw? You have invested hours of painstaking labour, when it suddenly occurs to you that all the pieces may not be there. What, even if it is a brand new box, if the manufacturers inadvertently missed a crucial segment? How annoying would that be? Welcome to life on Planet Earth; the place where everything nearly, but not quite, fits together. A key situation in your life now can be improved. It cannot, though, be perfected.

:D :D :o :-)

*!*
.o.

allaboutcounseling.com they have message boards there that can help

sounds like you could do with a trip to disneyland!

look in the phone book under community services. In there you will find free/low cost mental health counseling. They will interview you and see what you can afford if anything and set you up with a regular counselor and a Psychiatrist to help you get off the drugs you should not be doing and on the ones you need to be on.
Now I know you said you do not have health insurance so prescriptions will be hard but there are a few sources for those too. Wal-mart has $4 rx program and Walgreen's has a plan too. Also many of the larger drug companies can help you, ask your doctor. Many free clinics also give samples away.

well you have to really just forget everything thats happened or stressful things that are bringing you down....maybe time to yourself and focusing on the things that make you happy you sound deppressed and like you have low self esteem which all can be fixed if you just have some love for yourself

I would say that counselling is a step you should take going by what you say. Because, you need to talk with a proper trained counsellor through your doctor. Dont bother with untrained counsellors, they dont have the skills needed to help you. Your emotions about the past and how you feel about yourself is what is a problem for you. You seem to have come to the end of putting up with how you feel. Whichever doctor you trust tell them what you have said here. Because there is help there for you, take that step for a new future.