Fatal accident leaves my mother in law without her partner, any advice to support her? She was injured herself

Easter weekend we got a phonecall no-one ever wants to receive, My mother in law was on her way to hospital, her partner died at the scene. Motorcycle accident, no other vehicles involved. He was riding, she was pillion, she has spent time fighting for her own life, intensive care, in a ward and now home. The funeral for her partner was last friday, which she managed to go to, but how on earth do I go about supporting her through this?
In hospital she was put on nicotine patches and she is continuing with stopping smoking so I have quit (Am on day 3 today) to support her and do myself some good, she is the sort of person who is usually strong and independent, but now, she obviously needs help, physically and mentally, its the emotional side thats worrying me as she seems to be coping on the outside, and too scared to let it go on the inside, but she was besotted by this man.
i know there is no right or wrong way to grieve, I just want to help her but not be too in her face either

Believe it or not, not everyone goes into deep, severe, lasting, depression, nor feels they need to label themselves with some emotional disorder. Not even when faced by things others find traumatic. People who have particularly strong relationships often find solace in knowing they treated the deceased well, loved them, and made their life happy. As people get older, they also know that death is always a potential. They realize that people do die everyday, and usually there is someone who loves them dearly who has to deal with it. It makes them more ready for when it's their turn. If any of us lives long enough, the experience is inevitable.

This doesn't mean that it is easy for her. I'm sure, inside, there must be a great deal of sadness, and confusion about how she'll manage her new life without him. My suggestion is that you try to spend time with her. Don't be fake and spend outrageous amounts of time. Just be sure to call and offer to come over. Sometime you can insist. Try to help out with house work she can't do on her own. Don't always talk. Leave room for her to bring up topics. If she doesn't come out and say something directly, you may still be able to pick up on things she's concerned about. Include her in things you do. Especially with family. Just don't hold it against her if she decided she'd rather not attend. You've got to to be there for her, but offer her her space at the same time. You can always use your new stop smoking plan as a way to stay in touch. Call and say you just wanted to see how she's doing with it. Then leave her the opportunity to talk about what happened as well. You also shouldn't feel like bringing him up is taboo. If no one mentions him, she might take it as though he's been forgotten. You just shouldn't make it the focus of every conversation you have with her.

You, and she, are both lucky she's a strong woman. You could have to deal with a basket case, and she could have to deal with being one. You're both also lucky you have each other. I don't know about anyone else here, but I'm glad to know she has someone in her life who's concerned and cares for her.

Best of luck!
Time, space, and support.

My mother was in an accident back in OCtober of last year, she lost her 2 best friends that i had known ofr as long as I can remember, so well over my life of 23 years and at first you dont actually realize that you have lost someone, then it can go either to"thank god he gave me another chance at life" or "why God, why didn't you take me too?" Either way all you can do is be there when she's ready to share and only she knows when she's ready to share. My mother was looking down the barrel of death for almost a month before they saw any improvement. She did not get a chance to say goodbye but is coping day by day with the loss of her friends. She is just now out of the hospital and still is looking at possible amputation of her leg because of all the damage done, which takes some of the attention off of the greiving if you understand what I'm saying. The best advice I can give you is to offer to her your support and unconditional understanding and wait for her to be ready to open. Also get her back into a routine and keep her just busy enough to make progress and move on to the rest of her life. Good luck on her recovery and best wishes to your family in healing.

im so sorry for your loss, im afraid there is no real way of helping, except to be there for her when she needs you, people grieve in there own way i experienced similar and it took me fifteen years to come through it i bottled it all up so no one else could see it, thats how i dealt with it and im afraid this sounds the same,yr mother in law needs to grieve in her own way and not rushed through this period otherwise she will bottle it up, i wish you and her well for the future and well done on the smoking? love will guide you through the pain. x

Firstly I'm so sorry to hear about your sad loss, it's such a tragedy.

I lost both my parents within a year of each other, my father died first, leaving my mother and of course me and my sister and our families, personally I coped the best way I could, yes I grieved but in my own time and space, (same for when my father passed away) and my mother did the same, all we could do is be there for her, and not to talk about it, not that we couldn't talk but we found that we all knew how we felt, and thought it unneccessary to talk about it unless my mother said something about it. It's a traumatic time for your mother in law and your family, especially in how this happened, I can only suggest time and patience as thats what my personal experience panned out. Everyone is different, and yes there is no right or wrong way to grieve, be there for her thats the best thing that you can do.

I sincerely hope that time will heal, best wishes and thoughts to all of you.

CRUSE counselling really helped all my family after death of my little brother. their website is www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk
It sounds like you are doing everything you can. God bless you. She is lucky she has you. Just spend time with her, encourage her to eat, wash, dress etc , you know the day to day things which I'm sure your doing anyway. It will get better. Try and get her to take short walks with you if she can too. Hope I've helped. Good luck. P.S Maybe if you can get her to your local church. They helped me, of course so did our Lord Jesus Christ, but my mum still blaming God. I will prayer for you bothx

I am so sorry to hear of the death of your mother-in-laws partner. It must have been a very traumatic experience.

You may find she is still in shock, which is why she is not talking about it.

You are doing all the right things for her at the moment. You are supporting her and helping her. When she wants to talk all she will need from you is to listen and comfort her.

As this was a very traumatic experience you may find that she needs professional help. She may need counselling to help her talk things through and let it out.

I understand how she is feeling right now as I lost my partner very suddenly and traumatically and is taken me over 2yrs to start to grieve. I have found that counselling has helped me.

I send you both my love in this very difficult and painful time and hope that time will bring you some peace.

:-)))

sorry 4 wht ur 'al r goin through. hope it all works out.
just let her knw that ur there 4 her n that ur willing 2 help her in anyway possibel n to concentrate on geting better 4 now. u talk 2 her normal n be easy n not to pressure her on letting out her feelings although it seems she don't want to talk about it yet she probably is thinking about it. pursuade her gently n let ur feelings out too so that she knws hw u feel n may feel like sharing her felings too. be positive about little things n keep reminding her that she stil has family that care n hoping gud 4 her. i guess this was a quite unexpected shock 4 her completely so time is wht she will need to overcome. i'm not too gud with on giving advise but hope this brings some ideas 2u. Hope all goes well. al d best.

this is a tough one and I am sorry for your loss.
It really is very early days and the old saying that time heals really is true, (i learnt this from experience).
she must be stronger than you think, to stay off the cigs is amazing.
just be there for her, listen etc.........