How do i deal with my mothers denial?

My grandmother died when i was 3. My mother went in denial. My grandmother was my primary care cause my mother worked at the time. To this day she will not speak of it. There is a massive whole in my life altough i have managed to fill it a bit over the years. But it is still there more than 25 years later. A few times a week. I have no direction, no ambition other than to join my grandmother. Since my childhood i feel as if i've belonged to the stars rather than on this planet. Many years of therapy, counselling and soul searching have made the loss easier. But it never goes away. I 'm a ying yang believer so don't bother telling me to find God. You can have him and all the pompous ceremony that goes on in his name. I was 3 when they messed my head up with the blessing of the church! I've tried meditation but can't sit still, i've tried tai chi but can't handle the release of emotion it brings. Will i feel better when my mother passes away?

Knowsitall: classes just don't work, believe me. It raises too many questions in others that they don't dare ask. It leaves me feeling the odd one out. It gets tiring to be the odd one out. I can't afford one-to-one tuition even if i could afford it. I get chinese massage couple of times a year. That helps.

I'm not the biggest Dr. Laura fan, but she did write a good book called "Bad Childhood, Good Life". Might do the trick.

wow...sounds tough...sometimes i also feel as though i dont belong here. but u r here regardless, so make the best of it. have u tried writing? it helps a lot. and try finding things for yourself to do, keep yourself busy. it sounds to me like you just have too much time to dwell on all of this. you need to make your own life and not worry so much about what WAS. u dont need counseling or soul searching, dont worry, there is something in this world for you, you just need to find it. try writing down your dreams right after u wake up, you'd be surprised what sort of things u can find out that way, maybe there is something bothering you that u are not aware of, and maybe this can be a solution to it. but try not to be so down on everything, there is happiness somewhere for you, i promise...
maybe you just need some sun! to get rid of the blues...j/k
please feel free to e-mail me if you want to talk to someone. ( i believe my e-mail is public) ekaterinatulchinsky@yahoo.com

I'm sorry your Grandmother died. That's hard. And no you won't feel better when your mom passes. That's hard too. I suspect part of your problem is physical and the other part emotional. Vitamin B 12 may help you a lot. It's over the counter but your doctor's office can give you a stronger shot verison. If B 12 doesn't help ask your doctor to recommend a good therapist. Together the doctor and therapist may determine you need medication along with counseling (probably for grief). One other thing you can do to keep your 'grandmother close to you is to take up one of hobbies (i.e. knitting, cooking, painting,etc.). That way a part of her will always be with you. Good luck.

first off you should only trully think of your mental health, sounds bad but true. Your mother needs therapy to help her open up. Are there any other family members that could shed some light on your family history? Your mother must feel such intense guilt over the situation to hold on to the pain this long.... You might try jogging her memory with any pics and ask specific questions, you are going to have to confront her....tell her that it bothers you and that you need and want to know about her.

You say you an't handle the release of emotion Tai Chi brings? This is exactly what you need to do, release emotion. Of course you can handle it, you MUST handle it. Once you release that emotion you can learn to move past it and get on with your life.
Stop making excuses for not living your life. We all have our cross to bear. We all have things that hurt us, terrible things, and we all overcome them and succeed if we want to.
Release and dump out the emotions.
All you have written are EXCUSES. boohoo, poor me.

Your mother likely won't change. You need to start seeing her as a woman with her own struggles and her own legacy, and not as the mother you wished she would have been.

Grieving a loved one is a lifelong process. From the first stages of the initial shock, to thinking of them fondly with a little laugh at a photograph, or a favorite memory that you shared. Don't be surprised that you aren't "over it" when people think you ought to be. It is your process and it takes as long as it takes.

However, when you are talking about feeling this emptiness in your life, you really can't hold grief entirely accountable. It is up to you to make the changes you need to make to fill your world. Sometimes helping others out, volunteering and such can make all the difference to YOU and to them. Examine your career life. Where do you want to be 5 yrs. from now? Expand your social circle by getting to know people you normally wouldn't choose to connect with. Change your wardrobe, get a new puppy, walk in the rain. Do the unusual.

You don't need to always do the standard things that people suggest like seek religion, and go to counselling, and meditate. Those things aren't for everyone. It's good that you are trying so many things though. You value yourself and your life enough for that, so that's a good thing. Don't despair. You never know what joys are just around the corner. Good luck!

you can't control your mother's anything, let alone her thoughts and feelings. So it's a waste of time to focus on that. Go back to your taoist roots, maybe you are missing something. have you read "the wisdom of insecurity" by alan watts? you may enjoy it.