Long term psychological damage to infants?

I am trying to get my son to sleep in his own bed at night but this involves "controlled crying" where I let him cry for 60 seconds, return into the room, lay him down and leave him for another 60 seconds until he relents and goes to sleep. I choose this way so he knows that I am there for him and I check his nappy and offer him drinks etc periodically so he knows that I am caring for him but also so he knows that he will get no real attention from me, I can't just leave him to cry it out. Am I causing him any long term psychological damage?

Oh I forgot to say - he's 21 months old

Hi please don't worry your not damaging him you teaching him and that is a good thing. Remember this that what you child is learning right now is you can't always have what you want among other things. I have 4 children and my son is now doing the getting into bed thing. I left him 60 seconds then 2 mins then 3 mins. you need to be stretching the time each day. So at the same time they understand that you are still there but are not getting what they want. you see if your going in every min on the min he will come to expect you to do so. stretch it a little each day until he gets the message. take care good luck your doing fine and are a good caring parent.

If youre going in to attend to him every sixty seconds, then he is getting a great deal of attention. You could try leaving him a bit longer. Lots of babies cry this way, mine did and I dont think they were damaged, they seem to have turned out ok.

You dont state how old your son is, but I assume he's not a tiny baby. No you wont do him any damage you are doing exactly the right things, his brain will learn that there is no point in crying and he will soon be sleeping through. You are doing really well keep it up! Just to be sure its nothing medical it might be worth getting a little check from your doctor but it sounds like all will be fine!

I hagve used the 10 minute method. Leave him for 10 minutes, then go in to see him, but don't take him out of his bed. Then once he quites down, leave him again for 10 minutes. 60 sec. is not long enough.

I cannot do the controlled crying thing. Some people say you should never pick up a crying baby - I think that is rubbish. Babies cry for all sorts of reasons - teething, wind, tiredness. Just abandoning them to cry I think is horrible.

How old is he? Babies under 4 months dont understand that crying might make you come and comfort, they only cry because they are uncomfortable and dont know how to make themselves comfortable yet. Who taught you to use this method? Why did you choose it? Give him some time to get adjusted to the world hes been thrust into, many doctors call the first three months outside the womb the 4th trimester, during this period babies need to be held, rocked and soothed, dont worry about spoiling them yet!

You are not causing him any long term damage. I think you are making it harder on yourself than you have to, but you are not hurting the baby.

It is okay to allow a baby to cry for much longer than 60 seconds when you are putting them down to sleep. Try letting the baby cry for a few minutes before you go into the room. He will not feel abandoned. This is a very appropriate way to let a baby fall asleep.

However, if you are content going in and out every 60 seconds, you are not hurting the baby in any way.

I never set a bed time for my son, when he was tired he put himself to bed. I know some people do things different but I can't see going thru that whole tourtours crying routine each and every night. I know myself I go to bed when I am tired. So I can't expect others to behave differently. The once or twice I tried to wait out the crying the poor thing had ear infections and now I have such guilt, so I never did that again. I might suggest that If you really want to have him go to bed around a certain time frame start gearing him down that path way before hand. Something relaxing like a stroller ride then maybe reading a book in a quiet cool room.

I'm a new mom too, so I understand. I think you are over thinking this and trying to control the situation too much. 21 months is old enough to learn how to be by themselves for a while. Personally, if I were you, I would stop reading Child physchology books, and "parent's magazines". These only cause more confusion. Most parents have a pretty good idea of what they should and shouldn't do w/o reading into it too much. You're going to drive yourself crazy with all those details, you have many more years of challenges ahead of you, save yourself for the teen years!

Good luck!