Living alone at 25?
I am living alone for the first time in my life, I have my own house and have been alone since my ex financee 2 years ago.
I feel so alone in the world, don't know whats wrong with me and why I can;'t find anyone. I am a tad depressed and sick of being alone, it depresses me and effects my work.
I just feel life is passing my by and this is it, nothing to look forward to as nothing has changed in two years. I have 2 close friends but they have there own partners and kids on way, so they are very busy. My other group friends I have found are not, stabbed me in the back.
I feel like this is it in life, I have given it 2 years and I am no happier. I was so happy when I was with my x, I know people say join clubs but can;t really think of any I would like to join.
I just feel very alone going home to an empty house each night and every weekend, have wondered if happy pills would at least make life happier or easier for me. I don't know what to do to chan I am 24 female and live alone..Aint that bad you know all those things you could never do when the other half was about well hell you can now..
I go to the casino a lot made a great lot of new friends male and female cause its often the same faces you see there they just get to kmow you and begin to like you..
The world is full of back stabbing these days just ignore them and get on with life.
Surely a 26 yr old lad with a house has somthing going for him more than most i assure you.. Okay look life goes on.. and You have to move forward in life. You can't let her have this control over you.. Look Towards God, and he will help you and change your life around, but only if you TRUELY want it.. He will give you the strength.. Andy, I do feel for you, I was alone for 5 years, after a split with my partner of 10 years. I didnt miss him, I was just fed up of being on my own. Like yourself I didnt want to join clubs, but the fact is, if you dont get out and do something for yourself, it wont fall from the sky.
why dont you try a chat line, go on lycos chat, you'll meet a great bunch of people there and it is a really good laugh, I made some really nice friends. Although I live in greece ( im british) I had some good fun and could have met lots of nice guys had I lived in the uk.
Give it a try, Im sure there is a special lady there for you. Your alright man. I'm 24 1/2 never had a girlfriend, live with my mother, work 2 jobs, and wears spongebob ties. But I'm the happiest man in the world :) I hope this helps you. You were in what is called a co-dependent relationship. Another words, you had to be with that person to be happy. That's not a healthy way to be. You are now struggling to become independent. Not independent as having a house or earning a living, but independent as to enjoying life and having meaning. This does not mean you have done anything wrong or that you are bad or anything like that. It's just a condition.
The roadmap ahead will move you to independence, then interdependence. Once you are happy by yourself, attending things, going places, enjoying life as an idividual with and without friends you will attract the same kind of person. Then you will be able to have a most wonderful relationship sharing and helping each other, but not enabling each other.
It may not be easy to do these things without help. Please seek counseling from a qualified individual. Your road to happiness is not far away.
Good luck. try and go out on weekends, put your ad in the paper, try speed dating. go for it.
p.s dont think your the only one who feels like this, your not so dont worry why are you worring about being on your own dont rush into anying take your time you will meet somebody. if you think that you carn't wait then go to a dating agency . i know the feeling well but it is not all doom and gloom i found a new life and you can do the same try going out ask a workmate to go pictures with you and yes you should join some clubs or think about nightclasses good luck Living on your own once you have shared with a fiancee can be tough. But the reality is that you're not going to improve your situation by sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. And chomping on happy pills won't change the fact that you are not extending your social horizons.
The only thing I can suggest is that you check out something like www.spiceuk.com and be brave. You may have to go on to dating sites and clbs to meet people and make friends and from that you may find someone... Try inviting people to your house for a movie night and make peopcorn or play games... Go out for a drink ? GO to a English Literature class and make firends. Dude, are you kidding? With all the ways you can meet people these days, I don't understand how anyone can be alone. I personally find it hard to get sometime to myself. Start working out at a gym and you'll meet some girl there. If working out is not your thing, try meeting people online. You're still young so you shouldn't feel like your life is over. Man, it hasn't even began.....good luck! Prayer does no good if you won't listen to the answer. You are still pinning away over that (*&^%$#@!) and refuse to move on. get up, go out and run and exercise-- the dopamine released by exercise is a rush and helps stave off depression.. but don't let your recovery be just that.. Go to church- a good God fearing active pentacostal type that actively praises God.. He will show you a new life and - if it is his will-- a new mate in His time, not yours. Meanwhile get a grip on accepting who YOU are in Him. If you get to be OK with yourself, people will beat a path to your door. Living alone at any age can be very lonely and if you are depressed then it is hard to go out there and try to get on with your life. Even so will having a partner solve all your unhappiness? The saying " you can be in a room full of people and still be lonely" is a cliche I guess but I think rings true for a lot of people, including myself. May I suggest looking in to you before you try to meet someone else. It may be that anti depressants could help or it may be that you just need to be kind to yourself. Life is hard and loneliness is just horrible - try to think of ways to improve the way you feel about yourself then maybe you will fel confident enough to meet new people. Also being more confident will help yu meet a girl who will stick around. I wish you luck. Stay positive. hey i know how u feel. im 25 and my boyfriend just dumped me. i felt like crap and lonely, so i started taking antidepressants. so far they have just masked the pain. i feel better, but the root of my problems is still there. now i have to deal with that and how long i want to be on them and what the withdrawl will be like when i get off. anyway, 25 is still very young. i decided i wanted to do something with my spare time to better myself, so i decided to go back to school. i also got a dog. This is a tough one. I was on my own at 25 too, so I can relate to what you say. Coming home to an empty house night after night is just so hard. Weekends feel like months long.
Anyway, over to your question on what you can do about it. Firstly, give yourself a pat on the back, you have your own house and somewhere to live. That is a good starting point and it sounds as though you are working too (although you don't actually say so), another plus point. Also, although you may not think it, age is on your side.
To counteract the empty house bit, well you could consider getting a pet; perhaps a couple of cats (a grown pair from a rescue centre) and they could let themselves in and out via a catflap. I did this, 15 years later, my cats are still with me. They are a great comfort. Or you could consider a dog, if you work locally and short hours - or if you are able to take the dog with you to work (my brother used to take his in his van). Having a pet will surprisingly open up new avenues, you will find people will talk to you about the animal, and of course they help with the loneliness in their own right.
In terms of meeting new people, I suppose the best thing to do is think about things you like doing - or would like to do. You don't have to go to pubs or clubs, you could get an allotment if you like gardening, or join ceroc (partner dancing, no partner required) or maybe just join an adult education class in computers or drama, or join a gym. What about voluntary work? Helping the elderly or visiting people in hospital who have no relatives? Try Timebank. Or maybe you could help a local youth group, scouts or air cadats. Young people's group always need people that are computer literate and able to help youngsters. I am sure they would be thrilled to have someone young and energetic like you on board. Also check out the library, they often have a noticeboard with groups and ideas.
The bottom line is you are not alone. There are plenty of us out there in your boat. I wish I had the definitive answer for you but I don't. But I do wish you luck. Take care. Skip the happy pills - that only leads to covering the problem, not addressing it.
Personally, I got involved with volunteering. I can't believe the feelings of self satisfaction and even serenity that it brought to my life. I wish that, in hindsight, I had started that earlier!
I began at my local hospital, just serving coffee and joking and talking to the patients, visitors, nurses and doctors. Later I also began helping at the yearly go-cart races that come to town, staring with crowd control and information, and ending up last year as on-track communications manager.
These things also look great on a resume, and by helping others, it gets you out of 'self', or that little pity party/ loneliness thing. There are many things you can volunteer for in a community, so pick something fun or challenging, and you will be amazed at the change in your self and self esteem. It's also a great way to meet new people! I understand where you're coming from. I went through a painful break-up when I was 28 and lived alone for a couple of years afterwards. At the time, it felt like the hardest thing I ever did. Most of my friends were married, some had kids, everyone had something to do and someone to do it with and my life felt a bit empty. I worked, I went to grad school and went out with friends (but only every 1-2 weeks).
I tried going to church; that didn't do it for me, but it's a thought if you're inclined. I wasn't into joining clubs, either, although I did go to a gym (for the workout, not the mating potential).
The turning point for me was when I learned to truly enjoy and appreciate my solitude. I realized what a luxury it was to have the freedom to decide what I wanted to do (if anything), where I wanted to go and when, with no one to answer to. I read a lot, checked out obscure bookstores, went to community events (yes, often alone) and generally built a solitary life.
It wasn't long after I found I could be happy as a single person that I suddenly started meeting men and being asked out. At one point, I was actually juggling 3 boyfriends. I dropped 2 and married the third! Now that I'm a mother of twins and have endless responsibilities and very little time to myself, I look back fondly on those peaceful days when I lived alone.
Although I'm very happy with my life now, I'm glad I had the opportunity to 'make it' on my own and learn who I was and all that before I settled down. I hope things work out similarly for you. I guess my long-winded answer is saying, get out in the world often--even if it's by yourself--accept any and all (reasonable) invitiations that come your way, and see what happens. Meanwhile, build yourself a solid and happy single life and you probably won't stay that way for long! Best of luck to you! If you have started taking happy pills already, (addict), you need professional help. Yahoo answers probably would not help you.
If you are not addict, have a minimum self consciousness that you can be back, please go through my answer.
I do not why you have still a passion for your ex. Anyway, she is no longer in your life. Getting passionate for ex is an old sentiment, was seen in Hindi movies nearly thirty years ago. You are a confident man of 21st century, it does not match you ! I will suggest you a two therapy to try it for at least three months.
1. Get admitted in any health club. Exercise regularly. Make a plan and a definite time to go there. If possible, try steam bath, jacuzzi etc.
2. If you have reading habit, start reading . Start with some self help book. To start with, go to 'as a man thinketh' website (type it and search). You will get plenty of free e-books here. Enjoy reading. get out and have fun. Don't dwell at home all the time. AND NEVER POP PILLS!!! It's not an easy fix...they will harm you. Go talk to someone you trust. Or go to a place you have never gone before. You need to just buck up and get out of the house. Hi.
I think you are just plain lonely. I've been there.
Do you have a pet? It could even be a fish. Or keep plants, as long as there is life in your house.
If you think that you need to be evaluated for depression, then please go see a doctor. But in the times I've had when my husband has been away long term for work, my dogs and plants have been great for me.
Also, if you have any holiday time coming up you can plan a vacation for just yourself. Pick anywhere you want in the world and enjoy seeing it at your own pace. My single friend does this a lot for herself and loves it. It gives you something to look forward to, and you can do it YOUR way, no fighting, lol!
I wish you luck! Okay, first of all, two years is hardly a lifetime. Just because you've had a rough two years doesn't mean that's what life holds for you. You're twenty-five years old. LOTS of people feel kind of lost at that age, you're in between the high school/college life and being fully established as an adult. Try hard not to see the past two years as the example of what your life always and forever will be, world without end amen, okay? It's not. It's two years. It's less than 1/12 of your life so far. Tiny amount.
Okay, "joining clubs" seems kind of lame, but you can't expect your life to get better if your life consists of work, two friends, and a complete knowledge of the nuances of every character on Grey's Anatomy. You have to get out there. People are not going to come and knock on your door, asking to be your new bosom buddy.
I would suggest, think about what you enjoy doing, or something you think you would enjoy knowing how to do, and look around to see if there are any classes or seminars or anything like that. Junior or community colleges generally have a wide variety of "not for college credit" classes that are just kind of life-enriching, like various kinds of art classes, different dance or sports classes, computer classes, writing classes, reading groups, etc. Barnes and Noble usually has at least a few book clubs for various genres. If there is a church in your area that practices what you believe, join a Sunday School class, Wednesday night class, or Bible Study. Join a gym, and try your hand at Pilates or Yoga or Yogalates (I don't know if this is real or not, but it's fun to say). Hobby stores, like Hobby Lobby, Michaels or scrapbooking stores usually have at least a few classes for various projects.
Sign up to do volunteer work. Putting in 12 hours at a nursing home, hospital, children's home, or soup kitchen could help you get out in the world, learn about other people, and appreciate the life you've been blessed with.
If you trust your two friends, ask them to set you up with someone. Sign up for a speed-dating night. Go to a club and buy a total stranger a drink.
The thing is, your life WILL NOT get better if you sit around at your place all day (or all day after work) and think about how sad your life is and how much happier you were with your ex from two years ago. It just won't. Time heals, but it doesn't work miracles, and you have to do your part, or time is your enemy if you spend it by wallowing in your own depression.
In addition to this, if you feel like this has gone on for a long time, you are sad or irritated easily and for long periods of time, you eat much more or less than before, you sleep much more or less than before, you lose interest in things that you used to enjoy, or you have thoughts about harming yourself or others, go talk to your doctor. You may have depression, and I'm telling you, when you have that going on, it is HARD to get out of your own head and live the life you deserve. I'd get down the gym mate. Start looking and feeling better and you may even meet someone there. Also, as said before, Lycos chat is good for meeting people. Maybe do Yahoo Personals too? There are good honest people out there.... you just got to give yourself a chance of meeting them! maybe getting a roomate would be a good idea... then your not completely alone. dont take happy pills, its a waste of money and it sounds like your depression is enviromental not chemical... therefore you dont really need them in the first place. you could get a dog or a cat too... and go make some new friends! single ones... easier said than done, i know cause i am right there with you... getting a roomate is probably a good idea though Living alone is scary I know, but it may be a good idea to get a roommate. That is, if you have the space available. I know that in college it was always nice to come home to my roommates and have someone to talk to. Good luck to you. You can get through this. I hope these links will help give you some information that will be useful, they are to the Mind website:
How to cope with loneliness
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Bookl...
Understanding depression
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Bookl...
I have lived on my own for over 20 years, and can totally empathise with how you feel going home to an empty house at the end of the day.
When I am feeling well it is the greatest thing, to be able to do exactly what I want and when I want to do it.
But when I am feeling low and depressed it is the worst place and somewhere I don't want to be.
For me being pointed towards my local Mind association was one of the best things that ever happened to me.
They offered me somewhere to go so I didn't have to be alone, they understood how I was feeling and I didn't have to put on an act and pretend to be OK.
Eventually I found myself joining in with things that were going on in the drop-in centre and found myself starting to slowly open up and enjoy myself.
This then gave me the confidence and self esteem to do other things that I used to enjoy and join in with the outside world again.
The good thing to know was that there was no pressure on me to attend at all, it was always my choice, but I knew that it was always there for me in times when I really needed somewhere to go and not be alone.
Please see if there is one near you, it could be all the help you need:
http://www.mind.org.uk/Mind+in+your+area...
You don't have to be on medication, or 'in the system' to access their services, they are there for anyone who is experiencing any kind of mental health problem.
Please give it a go, its worth a try, you aren't signing up for a life commitment, you aren't joing a club where you are expected to do anything.
It might just help, and I really hope you can benefit in the way I did.
Hope this helps.
Take care and good luck. I live on my own too, and get home to an empty house at the end of the day.
But then I get on to Yahoo Answers, and all my friends are there :-) |
