Choosing to discontinue life support for dad, 89. Help?

My 89 year old father broke his hip at the nursing home. He made it through the surgery fine, but then took a sharp turn into kidney failure, pnemonia. The docters found evidence that his food and liquid was going into his lungs. It was starting to look grim. Through several family meetings, with the doctors, clergy and review of his last will of intentsions; we all agreed to discontinue IV water and treatments for lung infection. He refused food and discontinued talking to anyone. The IV water was discontinued because it was thought that the water was just filling his lung, making it harder to breath.

After a week stay at the hospital, we took him back to the nursing home to let him die.

Next thing we know, the nursing home staff put water and food up to his mouth and he starts eating again.

I am puzzed by this after going thru a very upsetting decision the hosp doctor. Did the nursing home do wrong by not following orders?

It sounds like you are in a tight spot. If he decides to start eating again though, it is up to him. I don't think the nursing home did wrong in offering him food, if they forced a feeding tube to him then there is some issues. If he decided to just start eating again, then maybe he found a new passion to live. Be happy in his decision and just go with it.

In regards to orders. To not supply at least an option of nurshiment would be neglect. I don't think a nursing home would be willing to take back someone that is just going to be left without food. It would be a lawsuit waiting to happen. they did what they had to do. if your dad eats then he does, if he doesn't at least they covered their butts by offering.

also maybe your dad just likes the nursing home better. I know I had a family member that would not talk to anyone that forced him to goto a hospital but the little old nurses at the nursing home could get him to do just about anything they asked him to. he liked it there and thats just how it was.

I don't think you have the right to instruct anybody to let your father die in their care.
You can't expect an 'order' like that to be carried out.

Sounds like he has made the decision for you. When you are older things look differently. My GrandMother lived to be 102. SHe just requested her hair to be done and passed away. He is tired. He has lived a long time. There are loved ones that he is wanting to see. If the Good Lord still has plans for him, He will keep him without machinary. If he takes food, then he wants to live and survive. I don't think we should force anyone to do anythign they don't wna tto do. I also think that no one should ahve the right to starve someone. I say let nature take it's course or God perform a miracle. =^!^=

Don't lose hope and fight. Don't abandon a person who have cared for you all your life.

I don't think the nursing home disregarded any orders. There's a difference between feeding a person through a tube and allowing a person to feed himself. If they put food or water to his mouth and he took it, it means that he wanted it. They made it available to him, they didn't force it on him. There's a big difference. He may have indicated to them that he was hungry or thirsty. It's hard to say, since you weren't there when it happened. But don't be judgemental towards them. Life and death situations are difficult as it is, as you know, from having to make the very difficult decision that you made. Take the situation for what has become and figure out what to do at this point. Don't get caught up in blaming people or pointing fingers. That helps no one, it doesn't help you or your father. Take comfort in the idea that the nursing home staff had compassion for your father, even if they expressed it differently than you think they should have.

It has been taken out of your hands and I would personally let God handle it. You will feel much better in the end. I am not sure that any of us should be making the BIG decision as to when someone is to die, or not. That final decision is best left to our Maker.