How can I build a support system. My mom just died and many problems going on and a life of woe. I am a bit?

of a loner and have no friends..My family is dysfunctional and all 5 siblings have been mean to me in these past 3 weeks since she died but all have also been nice. The only ones I feel care about me are my best friend brother, but I am worried he may change his view on me as a brother who vowed revenge (but now says he should not have said it) went berserk on me twice making statements to hurt me, terrifying me by screaming, making threats (not physical but things that could hurt me otherwise), and breaking things is now living with my good brother forever due to a marital separation and getting my mom to put it in the will he can live there all his life too as he is the executor. Although I like that brother, Nathan,I want to reduce time with him due to fear, his attitude, mistrust, etc as much as possible. If I lose him, I lose my sister in law and my nephew who I also care about as I feel my brother is a very good exaggerator and gives an untrue picture of situation. If he

If he convinces my brother from living with him all the time and doing him favors and such, I may lose my only real friend and confidant, Bill. This good brother did pick up my mom's critical mantra and so I know he may be somewhat at least vulnerable to swaying his opinion. I do like nathan but feel it is ion my best interest due to things I found out recently to reduce my time with him but since he is now living with my best freiend, brother Bill. this may be difficult.. I have come to not trust him and wish to reduce time with him so as to avoid problems.So if this brother nathan who vowed revenge acts on it, I may wiond up losing my whole family in addition to my mom..both brothers, the sister in law and naphew. My other siblings could care less essentially. I do have two grown sons, one is kind of a support, but yells at me a lot and they are both too busy or claim that and so I rarely see them.

I do have a counselor but it is just a few hours a month and not enough time to

It's quite normal to feel depressed due to the recent loss of your beloved mom. It might be easier said than done. But hopefully, in time, you'll get over your loss. You'll learn to let go esp if she was in pain. The grieving process takes time.

Your two sons also need you. And being middle- aged at 50 doesn't help with your depression. This age group is quite susceptible to depression. this is called the "empty-nest syndrome". That is, when your kids are grown-up and they don't need you as much as when they were small.


You shouldn't be ashamed to divulge and realized that your family is dysfunctional. Every family is that way, one way or the others. Even the celebrities with all their riches are among us- normal folks.

From what I gather, you like Bill. And you want to stay away from Nathan who's a volatile person. That would be the right move. If he, Bill is easily swayed by Nathan, then he has no conviction as a man. Try discussing your fears and apprehensions with Bill.

Just because you don't like Nathan, he's a necessary evil to bear with in order to keep your relationship with your sis-in-law and nephew .


Also, make a list of issues that you would like to discuss with your counsellor so the next visit would be fruitful.

Good Luck! Chin -up.! My deepest condolences and sympathy to you.! It's not as bad as you think. You have to go on living.

I took care of my mom until she died. It was very hard. But the cancer metastasized to her brain. She wasn't the same person anymore. She was in constant pain.


Have you reached out to a support group in church? Maybe your counsellor can refer you to a support group; where you can ventilate your feelings.

supportive and helpful offering great kindness and many good thoughts and suggestions. This answer was picked for its excellent content and because my mom used to say chin up and it touched me to hear that on a deep level. Report It

I did discuss things with Bill and he was wonderful. I do also love Nathan despite his shortcomings He recently told me he loved me for the first time and God is helping me to try to forgive each of my siblings Report It

and let them start fresh with me while not giving them so much power to hurt me. I am so sorry to hear about your mom's terrible illness and the additional suffering its course took you both on. Report It

My mom sometimes talked out of her head due to the poisons from not being able to get her dialysis and the drugs and all and it was quite scary but nothig close to what you must have gone through. My dad died of cancer at a young age and it was hard to see him suffer. Report It

My mom suffered greatly and was ready to die with no fear and she is at least out of her pain and happy I believe..it is we who are left behind who suffer though their suffering ends which is a blessing but a hard one to want or accept from our prospective Report It

of not wanting to lose them.. Thank you and all of you for what you did for me in trying to help. God bless each of you and may your life be blessed. Please be sure all to read my additional details after my question above the best answer. Thanks Report It

Thanks, indeed. You had a lot of good choices to make. " To be absent in the body is to be present with the Lord. " Your mom now has gone home to a place free of woes, sorrows and pains. I read all your addtl details Glad that things are working out between Nathan and you. Report It

it always pay to clear the air. Happy for you to reach out and be patient with your siblings. Family ties is impt. As we rech our golden years, we tend to be mellow and be forgiving. My mom wasn't very kind to me growing up. She physically abused me.
However, i never turned my back on them. Report It

I also took care of my dad x4yrs. At the expense of my health. I was down to 94lb I f you give, blessings come back to you ten-folds. Regarding siblings, we were 8 and I was the 3rd. Somehow, responsibility falls on the one who's caring enough. Report It

I'm glad I was there for them to the very end. My first husband also died fr colon cancer leaving me with two girls 8 and 3. I was a single parent x10 yrs. Report It

Well it sounds like you need support outside of a family that has dysfunctional issues. One thing you can do is to try to find a grief support group. Psychologists or crisis help lines should be able to point you in the right direction.

Also try to foster friendships at work, school, and or social activities. This means extending yourself more than you have been in the past.

Try inviting people over to a potluck. Listen to other peoples problems. If they think you care about them they will start to care about you.

I'm sure already people you have met online that care. Yes, there are always trolls but there are also a lot of good people. If you need a friend feel free to write me whenever as I care for all sentient beings.

Take Care : )

Try to find a local support group that is not church related. Look in your local paper and ask your psychologist to recommend a support group. I lost my mom in a car accident and you may be depressed in addition to dealing with your family problems. If this psychologist isn't helping you, look for another one. Good luck and God bless.

It sounds like you need a friend and friends take time to cultivate.
So, go to Church. Hopefully one with a Grief Recovery workshop.


I'll pray for you.

If you ever just want to talk about your problems with someone in private, the people here care about what you have to say...


VOICES In Action, Inc.

1-773-327-1500

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National Crisis Line

1-800-334-4357

Crisis Help Line

when i loss my husband suddenly i found a grief support group for my son and i.and an online support group really did help,i made a lasting friendship with one member who i've never met in person.
it took me a long time to get back into working,learning to be a mother and father to my son,etc but with GOD's help I have survived.my family is also a mess and I couldn't depend on them too much for support,reach out to others,people aren't sure how to act sometimes they need a nudge.good luck!K is right about putting your feelings down on paper,really helps.

Spend a month or two alone, and consider your situation, you are all dealing with a major loss and probably all reacting emotionally.

Get centered and let your siblings do the same.

You don't loose family unless you choose to.

Deal with issues when you and the siblings have time to process both grief and responsibility.

It is a going to take a very long time for your entire family to go through the entire process. There are so many steps including anger and denial. Just give it some time before you try to get things back to "normal".

Good luck and take care of you!

Dee