Has anyone ever had to go through a period of their life of great trauma where you had absolutely no support?

system? whether it be mental illness or other psychological problems....
how did you get through this time without a support system?

im addressing those to only this situation applies. if your the golden boy and have lots of friends and have had an easy time of things please dont bother to reply, this question was not meant for you. thanks

Yes. Especially when I was younger, when I was a child and then later on as a teenager. My father was just a violent psycho that way, and my family couldn't get rid of him.

And....I keep losing friends and support networks as an adult too, so it keeps happening, albeit to a lesser degree.

When you're younger, say a child or a teenager....there's just more there to work with in terms of resilience. Mainly what I did back then was to tuck my head, keep to myself, show up at school to *work*, to do a job--getting the education and grades so that at some point I could *get out* and get a life, and basically...I treated most of the people around me as obstacles if not enemies. I spent about 95% of my time withdrawn and 5% either lashing out (when I could) or at least looking like I was going to snap and go postal (when I couldn't).

That latter is important. I got *good*, almost too good, at radiating *anger* out from me like it was a force-field. I was driven, determined, almost to the point of it being a homicidal hatred when I was younger. It was what I had to do, to keep the psychos (esp. my father, but also bullies at school) off of my back. The catch: I threw away over 90% of my social life too. My life literally became all about *taking* the grades and knowledge from the schools, by force if need be, regardless of whether the teachers wanted me to learn or not. I was a Braniac In Training, and it consumed me.

When I turned 19 and found I had a crush on someone for the first time, and also....when I started to *notice* that all the fights I had been in, all of the head shots I had taken in high school, were having some *consequences* for me in terms of damaging my intellect....well, that was my first sign that things had to change, that I had to stop being such a mono-maniacal jerk about things and actually start being *nice* to people around me. It was the realization that if I didn't change something.....I'd go postal one last time and wind up dead and/or in prison for my troubles, and *not even knowing why*.

Since then....well, it's been one step forward, two steps back and a shuffle *sideways* on occasion. I didn't get into therapy, as an adult until I was about 22, 23 or so....so yeah, it took me a while to understand how messed up I was, and how badly I was going to *need* professional help if I *wasn't* just going to be the beast and *blast myself* through everything.

But basically, as an adult....well, I haven't been coping too well with matters *lately*, but my method of coping as an adult has changed. Where before I was "get'r'done, and damn the consequences", now, as a grown man, I'm *all* about the consequences.

Now I think I may have over-corrected for the excesses of my sacrificed youth. I second-guess nearly everything, reality-check everything, and if it doesn't pass muster, well, I keep a lid on it. Essentially my coping skills are from meditation....something I picked up early as a kid with asthma who needed to do breathing exercises anyway.

The idea is to stay detached, to look at thoughts and feelings just *as such*, as files in the system, or logs floating down the river....just observe them and keep in mind that there's no need to react to them, that this too shall pass.

The catch is: It's an over-reaction. I no longer feel safe enough to stand up for myself and *be* assertive, never mind aggressive like I once was. And yeah, some of that is me, some of it is the *nature* of the times though. Who *isn't* looking over their shoulder and not trusting people these days? But yeah....I've become avoidant and slightly paranoid in some matters (because it's not easy these days to *tell* what's internal and what's situational, is it?).

So yeah.....that's been my coping skills, absent any professional help. Either driving myself like a slave-driver, to the point of not even really *being* in my own body sometimes, or over-analyzing crap until nothing gets done because I don't like the consequences of *any* of the poor choices I'm stuck with these days.

Oh, and I sleep in way the hell too much.....and on occasion eat too much too. It's kinda messed up, has been since puberty hit for me.

I hope this helps. Email me if you'd like to know more.

Thanks for the Best Answer. ^_^ Trouble is, I *haven't* been coping with things too well lately *without professional help*. I have managed to get back into the local system, but their waiting list runs back for *months* not weeks.... Report It

(continued) mainly because people don't *like* the idea of funding mental health services for poor people here in the United States. Or something. And the bad thing about being a "survivor" is...it never ends. As long as you live, it's *always* something. Report It

I found proffessional help and even some support with people i really didn't consider friends ... then I got myself out of it enough to make new friends, forced myself to get out and have fun and was much happier ... I have more friends now than I ever did in any rough spots and know they are there for me should i need them ... though I have determined venting and bouncing less than happy thoughts off of them for feedback has not been for the best - that part is best left for a professional detached party who won't ask you if you feel bettter a thousand times a day ...

I moved to Denver and only had phone contact with my family during major marriage conflicts and emotional distress after my daughter was born. But I've always had someone I could call.

If you are going through something traumatic and do not have friends or family you feel you can talk to, then call your local health clinic and ask them for a list of support groups or a doctor to talk to. You can also look for specific support groups online by putting in the condition and support groups in a search engine like google. But don't let it get bottled up. If you do you may have serious repercussions in the future. Think mental ward in the hospital.

Yes, I am going through it right now. Mom and dad are dying, extreme financial problems, personal illness, working two jobs (which makes me tired all the time), and, to add insult to injury, I am having marital problems. I am going through all of this without a support system because the support system that I have in place is the one that is failing me. Does that make sense?

Anyways, as far as getting through it. I quite literally just take it one day at a time. I know...that sounds corny, but it really is all I have right now. I pray al lot too. I don't know if you are religious, but if you are, praying helps. I also take time out to pamper/pity/console myself. You need to do that at times. Just be sure that you do it in private so that you don't feel like people are judging you. Another thing, if you have insurance, consider seeing a counselor. They have helped me in crisis. They can't tell you how to fix your problems, but they can help you with how to get through them with your sanity in tact. At times, that was good enough for me.

I do know, that it will get better. It may not be tomorrow, or even in the very near future, but it will get better eventually. Please take care of yourself right now. And, I am sorry to hear that you are having hard times. It isn't fair that we have to struggle in our lives, but we do come out stronger in the end. I know that some of the things I have gone through (whether or not I caused them) I am better for the experience.

Good luck to you and just remember...one day at a time.

Seek out a support group, open up to trusted friends, find a therapist that's a good fit. People get thru trauma in isolation. That's not the issue. It's thriving afterwards for the rest of your life that is.

Me, didn't tell a soul. Came back to bite me later, still didn't tell. Chomped on me even later, messed up my life, finally sought help. Don't make the mistake of thinking you can handle serious trauma in a vaccuum. Part of healing is getting the confusion and fear and pain on the inside out of your system. That doesn't happen remaining silent.

yes. I have bipolar disorder with social anxiety and borderline personality traits. I have had some support over the years for this but not much. The only real support I got was from my mom and that was only over the phone. Haven't lived with her since I was 14. 4 months ago, my spouse commited suicide. I had literally NO ONE to turn to. It's way too complicated to explain why. If you want details, email me. The main thing that got me through was God. I couldn't really talk to him much. Simple prayers like "I can't do this, please help me" were about all I could form for quite some time. I'm still pretty lost. I got really into reading books. I never have been able to focus to read before but I was so desperate for an escape that I have been able to now. I play guitar and fiddle a bit. that helps too. I get online and waste time and order movies through netflix to help me focus on something else too. A doctor gave me the name of a few support groups I could go to but I just can't go. The social anxiety I guess.

Look, i have 1 friend. 1! and we hardly ever see/ talk to each other. She didn't know about my spouce for almost a month! I feel completely alone in this world. God is my only real friend. He understands me and never leaves me alone. I feel lonely but I'm not alone ya know?

I dunno what to tell you. I'm so sorry that you are having a rough time. Feel free to email me anytime.

One day at a time. Keep on keeping on. Never quit. NEVER!

yes.

was raped and couldn't do a dam n thing to help myself, (believe me I would have fought to the death - even mine), because of someone in the next room - was a young family member of the jerk

I even tried to talk myself into liking it, but couldn't

no one to tell, and thought I could handle it, but finally broke down about two weeks later. recovered from the injury, was hooked into counselling, which helped some, but will never take away the violation or my anger

absolutely, I went through a devastating divorce and my entire family abandoned me for and to support who would become my ex husband. It was no oridinary divorce as he set out to destroy me and he did. I went through 1 year of hell of going to jail as my husband accused me of horrific things. I went to jail he forged my signature on our taxes and the checks, he had our brand new truck stolen and accused me and I almost did jail time for that. We had just bought a brand new home and found out that he made over 23k profit for it. I and my children and brand new grandchild were put on the streets with NO WHERE to go. This is just some of the things that I had to walk through. I wasnt permitted to have clothes a car nothing. My family turned theirs backs on me because they always liked him and didnt want to lose him from the family. Now 5 years later they have realized and sadly discovered what he was about and what he was trying to accomplish. I went through that alone. I had to start from ground zero to recover everything that I lost. It was THE most difficult time in my life but I survived it. My family admitted to me that they were always jealous of me and what I had because they never had it...famliy, white picket fence...etc. I still have not fully recovered financially but as far as my emotions and physical well being I am better then I have ever been in my life. I did at one time during the early stages of the divorce attempt suicide. I am greatful I didnt as I now have 3 beautiful grandchildren. You can and will survive just hang in there so you can see what's on the other side of your trial. Sometimes when we are walking through the fire we cant see past the flames but if you allow the fire to die down you will see a difference in the side that you will be crossing over to. There will be pain hurt and sorrow but knowing that you can and will make it there is the strength to get you there. There are questions with no answers. There are situations without explaination. I had to find out and discover who I was and who I am and who I would become...most most difficult but here I am...an awesome incredible strong vibrant and beautiful woman. THANK GOD THAT I SURVIVED....and I wasnt entirely alone...God was with me...even though I didnt see it or acknowledge him at the time. Hang in there my friend if youre in a trial, there will be a beautiful end to it. Dont give up

oh yeah, i remember that time.. horrible. i got a psychologist to help me. and it turns out, i needed medication to help me.. and I'm normal again.

Yes i have and i still am. It is really frustrating because you seem to expect that someday you will get support from someone and someoen will hold your hand and take you out of this mess. But then you realise none ever will and you have to do it on your own.

When I started nursing school my husband of 22 years left me and my 2 kids with no money no food, nothing. I got so depressed I gave away all my personal possessions even my clothes. (later found out this was an act that happens before someone commits suicide) My children and I moved in with my mom who is extremely bi-polar and not on meds. She is flat out crazy, she started attacking my kids verbally and mentally. Later for fear of her hurting them I sent my kids to live with their dad who lives in hawaii, I didnt want to do this but thought it was best.
I remember what got me through this time in my life with no support from anyone. Accept that I would ask my step dad for gas money and ask him not to tell my mom. I thought about school, that I wanted to graduate, if I could just make it to graduation date, things would get better. Long story short, I did make it to graduation, Im 38 years old and finally got something of my own. After graduation I was diagnosed Bi-polar 2 Hypo-mania (probly just like mother, yick) But I am currently on meds and doing talk therapy.
I hope my story helps you.. and one last note, I graduated with honors as top of my class. Dont know how the heck I did that with all the times of stress and no money to even eat.. But school being my focal point got me through it i guess. And probly a couple angels didnt hurt.

take care and you will get through this. Today it probly doesnt feel like it but you never know whats around the corner in life.

i turned to God. it was in this time in my life that i found a new understanding of faith. to know me today you would never guess that i had been through such a difficult time in my life or that i was ever so isolated and alone.