Why do i feel society and the system are enabling me to stay stuck in my circumstances, what will i do?

i was just awarded my 2nd welfare claim a while back. ive never been employed or gained any qualifications ever.
ive had an exceptionally hard life, faced trauma after tradgedy,
that is over now, but im still fighting in my mind.

i was sexually abused twice at 3 and 7 years old.
i was bullied through high school, been assaulted numerous times by street gangs in the street...had my head split open with a chair leg. spent 18 months in a mental institution..
been homeless for a year.

never made any friends in life, or never had a girlfiend either..just some of the things happened to me in my life.
i live in a one bedroom apartment on welfare that ive been on all my life.

i have borderline personality disorder, ptsd, panic disorder, aggrophobia.
ive aged prematurley, im bald..my goals in life, still is to emigrate from the uk, build a new life, find a partner & happiness elsewhere.
but society people carry on oblivious to my circumstances..the system has awarded me my 2nd

welfare and benifit claim...

and its like their happy for me to continue
living out this lifestyle going nowhere.
while the world spins happily around..
and people happily go about getting their
needs met.

its like the powers that be want to keep me
in this situation..
enabling me to stay in this situation

i feel extremely bitter about this...im 30
now, an old 30 and have nothing going for me
..nothing to offer nobody.

i dispair because i realize its going to be
extremely difficult to accomplish my goals
in life of emigration, in the situation i'm
in.

most people i try to talk with on the internet
leave me or reject me...because they sense my
low self esteem and that i struggle to reciprocate.

im thinking more and more of killing myself
because these are gonna be extremely difficult
circumstances to get out of.

what am i gonna do?

Okay you have some money now. Start setting short term goals. Start with your mental health. See you doctors ritually and attend therapy. Dealing with things from the past and the every day struggles takes a life time to work out. Sometimes it's learning how to cope with things. Working out, taking some classes at the Junior college. People haven't succeeded overnight. It an ongong process. You just have to get going. There will be set backs but you know what you've been there before and you've always came out it. Your a survivor. That's alot for one person to carry around with them everyday. Find a trade something like plumbing, electrical, etc. Work you way up. You can make it. It will be hard but if you want it badly enough you can get. Good luck Mr. Survivor Man. Don't let the world get you down. Checking out is not the way to handle things. Please talk to your doc and let them know your feelings about suicide. Talk to someone that can help. Your worth it/ You'll find yourself. You'll find what your mission in life is.

Dude I recommend you to seek help, and killing urself is not the only solution in life.... all you need is someone to help you out and bring your life back on track!!

Good luck

people all around the world do it all the time, go ahead. Dont come to america the welfare system there is even more repulsive.

I'd reccomend going to college. You know, society now isn't sweet and fuzzy, it is a dog-eat-dog world, survival of the fittest, the evolutionary race. Of course, don't let them win, go back to school and study what you love (maybe online school would work). Don't kill youself! I mean, there are people that generally care and wouldn't like to see you die. Seek counselling, no offense; it could be to your benefit. Also, try online dating. After finding someone there, meet them in person. Who knows, that could be a happy ending. But don't give up, believe me, I've felt like that, but you need to strong, be hopeful and win this competition called life! I'm sure you can if you put your mind to it.

Whoa there. You need to calm down and not let yourself get worked up. You are just stuck in a negative cycle right now and if its anything you need to break out, its this...

You need to figure out how to manipulate the system to your advantage, that is take whatever circumstances you are in that make you unhappy and change them by using the tools at your disposal so that they have maximum impact. Get the best results you can for as little effort as possible.

Living alone right now is to your advantage because you don't have to deal with the extra baggage of housemates or dependents and you are not subject to your parents rules as if you were living at home. You have an extraordinary amount of freedom this way and have access to space to stabilise your condition, one in which you are able to get through your own mental health issues in privacy and without the interference of other people. You don't have to live up to their expectations or be subject to them and their needs ...I'm jealous now when I put it that way.

If they job thing is bothering you, ask to be placed in a work rehabilitation scheme and placed with an employer who understands special needs and provides assistance for disabled employees. Also get out there and do something fun rather than dwelling on your problems, because wallowing in them only magnifies what is wrong in your life and any positive progress you've made is occluded by problems seen out of perspective. Sorry that's all I can offer...I have so much work to do. Will be my usual supportive self in 6 days! Bless you and remember your online friends do think of you...