I don鈥檛 think I鈥檒l ever be happy, or physically whole鈥?I just don鈥檛 know what to do!?

I鈥檓 afraid that even when I get my hip fixed the residual pain will keep me from being able to function 鈥淣ormally鈥?and the mental issues will continue to haunt me for the rest of my life鈥?I鈥檝e been told that it is only though my enormous pain tolerance that I am still able to walk at all and that I will be in a wheelchair full time in the next 5 to 8 years.

My father is sorry that he allowed me to be abused but my disabled mother had told him that if he ever tried to divorce him, even though she took me to live 2000 miles away from him, that she would make sure that he never saw me again and that he would go to jail for all sorts of crimes that she could make up against him. She threatened to get him fired from his jobs by telling them that he was stealing.

I鈥檓 afraid that even when I get my hip fixed the residual pain will keep me from being able to function 鈥淣ormally鈥?and the mental issues will continue to haunt me for the rest of my life鈥?I鈥檝e been told that it is only though my enormous pain tolerance that I am still able to walk at all and that I will be in a wheelchair full time in the next 5 to 8 years.

My father is sorry that he allowed me to be abused but my disabled mother had told him that if he ever tried to divorce him, even though she took me to live 2000 miles away from him, that she would make sure that he never saw me again and that he would go to jail for all sorts of crimes that she could make up against him. She threatened to get him fired from his jobs by telling them that he was stealing.

Yikes!!!

What's with all the hateful answers - a woman is pouring her HEART AND SOUL out, and all people can do is call her a Troll?!?!?!?!?

For those who don't know what a Troll IS - see the definition below. Notice that long and MEANINGFUL posts do NOT fall into this description...

This time of year is SUPPOSED to be about CARING, COMPASSION, and SUPPORT - NOT whining and complaining until mommy and daddy buy you a PS3 (or a pair of Uggs, a Webkinz, or whatever MATERIAL POSSESSION you are begging for).

When someone is willing to be THIS honest with a bunch of COMPLETE STRANGERS - then their pain MUST be genuine. While some might say that this is nothing more than "a cry for attention", I see it as the first (and most important) step in seeking help - admitting to yourself (and those around you) that you DO have a problem...

THAT's why it's the first of the 12 steps that you go through with programs such as AA ;););););)

Glad I could be of some help :):):) Report It

Re-adjust your attitude first.

It is the time you look up to God

God bless you, Amen.

ur such a poor thing.

but.

the grass is always greener on the other side.

there might me others out there in a worst state than u reading this, dun worry too much. i noe its ez to say, but hard to do. but jus put it all down and dun kip rembering it.. let it flow away.. slowly if u can.. take it as a new start as soon as u get a hip... smth like reborn..

altho im not in a state like urs,, i dun tink i wil ever b hepi too, but i try to take it as i go.. i seriously tink i had depression cos i tried killin myself once and oso kept tinkin of killin myself constantly.. even till now.. but lesser now.. haha... cos im tryin to face the bright side... tellin myself tt other ppl r worst than me yet they keep on living..

good luck and merry xmas... i noe u can get over ur weakness.. since ppl hav new year resolution.. u can make a christmas resolution.. haha..

GET HELP, IMMEDIATELY !!!!!!!!!!!! turn ur frown upside down :) think of happy thoughts my emo friend. this is either a joke and u want attention or u really, REALLY need to go see a shrink. just nice advice ok hon ?

I have sympathy for you. But there are a few things you need to do to get on with your life.
1. Cry a river.
2. Build a bridge.
3. Get over it.
now get a new hip and enjoy life.
Any time you start to feel sorry for your self because of something that somebody else has done or not done, STOP IT!! You will get through this if YOU want to.
You are in control of your future, if you want to be a victim, you will be. If not, you'll live the life you make for yourself.

no doubt you have had a rough time...but who you are now, and who you will be is not dependant upon your past. You can choose to take full responsibility for your life and you can make it what you want it to be. But you have to give up the past to do so. You so carefully relate and hug the details of the past to your heart, and it is not doing you any good. It was terrible, no doubt about it, but it is also history, it isn't happening now. You CAN let go of all that baggage, you CAN stop it from coloring your life, you CAN be a happy and productive person....and you can learn to do this, there are many ways, ask me if you want to know more.

Sorry to hear about your horrible life. I have had my share of horrible things happen and I now know that you actually DO need professional help. You simply will not be able to heal yourself on your own, plain and simple. If you live in the city, there are usually a few free or sliding scale professional services. The mental health teams at hospitals can help you find them. Many of them are non-denominational religious groups, and they can be quite good. You don't have to be religious to get help from them. As far as getting your body fixed, you could try Traditional Chinese Medicine or Ayurveda. These two medical systems can sometimes work when nothing else will. Western doctors, by the way, always paint the worst case scenario so that the patient won't sue if things get worse than they expected. Don't assume that you are going to go downhill. You could improve, something that happens all the time. I do think that you need to get your child abuse healed, and it needs to be healed by a professional. Going to any hospital emergency room can get you in touch with a mental health worker who can point you in the right direction. Good luck!

Yes it is clear you have had a lot of bad things happen to you in your life however, stop making excuses. Your very lengthly post is filled with how everyone else is wrong and you are the complete victim. Stop thinking of yourself as the victim and go to a professional therapist to sort out your issues...it will take time and hard work but it is better than not doing anything. THe only way things will change is to make it happen and not allow people to walk all over you. As for the surgery don't not do it out of fear of what "might" happen. I had a rough childhood myself, a father who committed suicide, an abuse step father and loads of other not so great stuff, but I got help to get past it and now have a happy functional life and the only reason is I didn't wallow in self pity. I recognized I couldn't change the past but could only come to terms with it and move forward. With proper professional help and a positive attitude from you there is no reason you can't lead a normal, happy life. It is up to you.

Whew, boy! Wow. It is easier said than done, but try to relax. You sound like you need to talk to a professional about your depression, your life and your pain. If you get the surgery, you will eventually heal and should be better after that. A doctor should be able to tell you what you can expect to go through with the surgery and how long it will take to recuperate. I don't think you should continue to bear all the pain you are experiencing. See if the doctor can recommend a support group for people who are depressed. Sometimes talking to someone who is going through something similar will make you feel like you are not alone. And please PRAY to GOD for direction and read the bible for instructions on how to overcome problems.

Okay, I don't say this in a negative way, so don't take it like that. And I do speak from expierence.... so listen up.. I'm 23 too, so that should give you an idea...

You've got to get over that s.hit! It's no good to hold on to it. The only way to get over it is to accept that it happened and that you cannot change it. (Lord's prayer for serenity) You're an adult, not a kid.... Hurting yourself isn't helping you and it only adds to your messed up mentallity!

It will take alot of time to get over that stuff, but before you get over it you'll have to accept it and begin coping with it. Call a crisis line or something for some one on one....

About your hip... That sucks too... I'm sorry for you about that... All I can say about your health is that it's yours... You can make the best of it by picking up some new hobbies, getting involved in the community maybe, and you should surely file for a check! S.hit happens man, Im sorry and that's all messed up, but if your ever gonna get out of this. you gotta man up!

Take it easy and think before you act... Mahola

I am sorry to hear of your pain and mental anguish growing up and what you now must be suffering through. I only hope that you are on proper medications and participating in some sort of therapy. Sometimes the best support can come from those who have no stake in your life and can remain completely non-judgmental to your situation. After you have your surgery, all I can say is be as dedicated and resilient to the physical and occupational therapy sessions as you can. Despite what you have been told about being in a wheelchair, you can still live a very normal life. Granted you won't be able to do some things but you will find others to replace them. If you are continuing to have feelings like your opening statement - PLEASE!!! call your local hospital's mental health line. They usually have someone to answer 24/7 and will provide you with resources to get help or arrange for you to go into the hospital for monitoring. Sometimes all it takes is someone who cares and a safe place to sleep - even if it needs to be safety from yourself. If for some reason the hospital doesn't have a facility or hot line like that, call your local police station. They will find a place to keep you safe and help you get there.
I wish I had more to say but it does seem like you are aware of your situation and that you want to be well. Strive for your health to the best it can be to your situation (everyone's measurement of "healthy" is different). Remember, that to achieve "overall health" it includes the mind, body, and spirit not just being free from illness or infection.
Good luck to you and I hope to see more postings from you as you work toward your achievement in healthiness.

I am quite sorry to hear of your past.

You are a women now and the past though may never fade will only make you a stronger person. Your mother is not around anymore to degrade you or your father. Therefore you should have no fear in going into extreme measures in care of yourself. See all options available with the medical team in easing the pain or rehabilitating your hip/knees. Work closely with them and ask many questions.

I recommend a counselor/therapist you can talk to. You will feel at times its pointless just talkin about your past or what crosses your mind with this total stranger, but their expertise with depression has a way of letting you have control over your life and not letting deperssion control you.

I can say its definetly going to be a rocky road but just when you think its all useless you get surprises in life that just make you think wow i cant believe im finally happy (though i honestly could not have said that back in february of this yr while in a mental institution)

Hopefully you will have the strength for patience to hold on a bit longer.

Don't go to your home town. you don't have to go. I don't know what it is like to be abused like that and still be suffering from it. The pain in your hip is like a reminder of your horrors bringing up horrible emotions. You need help from God and His help is available. What you need is supernatural healing which can be done for you. Joyce meyers was sexually abused by her father the whole time she was growing up and treated horrible. Her ministry has resources that can help you. You need to focus on that God does love you and He did not want you to be abused and He will make it up to you if you trust Him. He will give you a better future.

I feel so much empathy for you! It sounds like you really long for happiness.I had to have hip surgery when I was about 6 or 7 because double phneumonia settled in my socket.There's so much I could say to you,but I don't know where to begin...So I'll just say this...If you really wan't happiness, and health,never stop searching for it,or wanting it.Read every book that you can find,on the subject.Keep a journal,and find a good counselor to talk to.Take the good advice,and don't worry about the bad.Hellen Keller said "Keep your face to the sunshine,and you cannot see the shadows".I'm not sure how you feel about God,but He has been a great friend to me at my darkest times.I know He want's to be there for you,too!I hope that I've helped you in some way,and I wish you the best of luck.You can contact me if you want to,by going to my profile page.May The Force Be With You!

have you tried going to a doctor?

You could try writing a novel, oh I see you have!

Seek emergency phcychiatric help or stop trolling