My father has 4th stage kidney cancer and is going through a very rough, painful time right now.?

I am stressed out at work. A coworker recently committed suicide and not only did it put emotional pain on all of us at work, the workload has increased. I live at home with my mom and dad, and want to be at home with them to help them. But then I feel I have to go to work otherwise I will get into trouble at work. I am crying everday and have such a painful stomach ache worrying about my dad.
Also my boyfriend told me he is here for me but the just tonight told me he is going on holiday for nearly 2 wks to California. I am mad at him bc I feel he is abandoning me when I need him most. I don't know what to do. Pls help I feel so desperately alone.

You don't say where you work, but if you work for a company that has over 50 employees, and you have worked for them for at least a year, you probably qualify for FMLA - Family Medical Leave Act. Here is a brief synopsis of the law.

Covered employers (companies with more than 50 total employees) must grant an eligible employee up to a total of 12 workweeks of unpaid leave during any 12-month period for one or more of the following reasons:

- for the birth and care of the newborn child of the employee;
- for placement with the employee of a son or daughter for adoption or foster care;
- to care for an immediate family member (spouse, child, or parent) with a serious health condition; or
- to take medical leave when the employee is unable to work because of a serious health condition.

If your company is large enough and you have met the time requirements, go to the HR department and fill out the appropriate paperwork. They must grant you the leave and keep your job open for your return. If they don't, they face serious problems with the Federal Government. Remember, if you are granted the leave, it will be unpaid, but it will allow you to spend time with your father and help in his time of need.

I am terminally ill and both of my daughters have exercised this right and have helped my wife and I on several occasions. They always were able to return to work without fear of punishment or retribution. Good luck to you and I hope this helps a little.

My thoughts are with you. My mom passed away from cancer last year so I kinda know what your are going through. As far as your work situation goes - can you go to your supervisor and talk to him/her do they know your situation regarding your father - maybe you can ask them to lessen your workload - shorten your hours or something. is it the kind of work you can take home with you? if so you can be at home with your parents and "telecommute" at work.

Talk to your supervisor at work ask him/her too if they are going to hire someone to take that "coworker's" place.

Take care of Yourself - I know that making money and going to work and so on is important - but not as important as your health - maybe a little time off is what you need. please look into this - for your own health.

imangin yourself in ten years time - how will you look back on it? See how you bucked yourself up to facing yr fahers death! See what an amazing support you were for him and your mum! You are an amazing person! Tell yourself that it will be over some day soon, gather strength for the long haul, suck it up and move on. you can do it. Give yourself a little treat each day: maybe read a page or two of your favorite book at yr bedside, maybe a square of chocolate, maybe a 5min walk by y'self rnd the block. Try and find something enjoyable in each day, even it's just the sun on yr face for 30 seconds - use the things around you to gain strength. Tell your mum 'im there for you' and tell y'self in mirror: I will survive this and be amazingly strong; one day it'll be over; i can learn from this and be a pillar of strngth for those who need me most. Be good to yr body and look after y'seklf too.Noone else will! Maybe get some SAM-E from the chemist (a natrual antidepressant) and if this doesn;t work see yr doctor.

Do not be a cry baby, be strong, get up and facing the world.

Let your intelligent help you and do not expect anything from others. You are your only help.

A lot of great people were evolved from the tough shapes like you. It can be done, and please get up and work on it.

babe, you're not alone. i am so sorry to hear about all your troubles and have to say you are being pretty brave about it all. we have just been through a cancer session in our home and it is so very stressful for everyone in the family and circle of friends.
perhaps you should talk to your doctor and ask him/her if she can give you any tips on relaxation methods and suggest some herbal remedies to help you through this trying time.
if you do not seriously need the wages right now, what about going to your boss and asking for a leave of absense? this would give you time to be with your dad and help your mother shoulder some of the workload at home.
i'm sure your dad knows how much you love him, all you can do for him is try to make him comfie, hold his hand, love him and let him talk. he probably has a lot to say right now, and he needs people to listen to him. does he like to read? maybe he would like you to read to him. i know its 'dad', but he would probably still like to have a fresh flower in his room. and ice water....a nice pitcher of ice water on his bedside table at all times.
as hard as it is going to be, you need to be cheerful for him. tell him all the good things that happened in your day, make them up if you have to! he needs happiness right now, and the best thing you can do is give it to him.
as for your boyfriend, well, perhaps his plans were made a long time ago and he couldn't change them? i don't know. i don't really have an answer for that, other than thats the least of your worries right now.
go talk to your boss, if you can not get a leave of absense, then perhaps you could take holidays or would he let you work half days until things with your dad calm down? explain to your boss exactly how serious things are at home and tell him while you enjoy your job you would like to be with your dad.
most of all you need to keep yourself healthy - eat right, exercise, fresh air, a good nights sleep - vitamins! you need to stay strong - both physically and emotionally!
you come back and let us know how you are doing - okay?
take care babe!

So sorry ...all that you are going through... You just responded to me, i am the one who's dad has colon cancer.. and like you, my stomache is sore.. I can't keep any food in...so losing weight.. Like you, we need to be strong for our mom's right now.. I make sure when I see mom that I am not crying or looking too upset.. I wish I could take the pain away from you.. its just not fair or right.. but you will find the strength within yourself to get through this.

As for your boyfriend, that is terrible he has left you during this very bad time for you.. I just don't understand that.. Why the spur of teh moment vacation?

Ok girl.. I will send out good thoughts for you. your a great daughter.. so hang in there..

christine..