Hi,how do i deal with my mothers death?

Hi ,my mother passed away 5 months ago aged 56 yrs. I was absolutely devastated.However I am trying really hard to carry on with my life as my mother wouldnt want me to be unhappy, and I dont either. I have a son who keeps me busy, he is 15 months old . I am also 4 months pregnant.I am trying my very best to focus on my partner,my little boy,the pregnancy,work ,friends and trying to be positive and think about all the good things in life.I realise i am really lucky in some ways.However no matter how positive I try to be,I feel empty inside since I lost my mum.I do talk with my partner about how I feel but I dont want to depress him.My mind keep going over and over everything that happened when she was in intensive care.I keep having upset moments because I dont know where she is.Also I stayed with her for days whilst she was in intensive care, however I went home for 2 hours and wasnt there when my mum passed away, I feel guilty.Should I be dealing with things better by now?

I am carrying on with my normal life-seeing friends,having quality family time pampering myself with hot bubbly baths.Thanks for any advice in advance.x

I am so sorry for your loss. My Mom passed away, also, 5 months ago, but she was 83 yrs. old.
I hear from grievance counselors and clergy that the grieving process can take anywhere from a year to 2 or 3 years. Just when I think I have it under control, something else comes up. Feelings of guilt or emptiness.
I'm not sure if staying so busy, is the right thing to do. It seems to make you handle the feelings for a little while, but then they come back even stronger. I think it's better to deal with them as they come up. I know it's hard, because after a while people think you should start getting over it. But, that is not possible . A new way of dealing with it, maybe , but you never get over it. I'm planning on giving it a year, to see if I'm handling it better by then. If not, I think I will see a therapist to help me through.
I can't even imagine, what YOU must be going through, having a small child and being pregnant and maintaining a job. You are going to have to stop and deal with all this at some point. I'm sure your husband is understanding about this, just keep talking about it. The pain won't stop until it all comes out. My prayers are with you.

this is never easy to deal with. im sorry she died, but now u have a family to carry, just like she carried you. so u have to b strong and realize that she really doesnt want u to mourn 4 her. even though at times u may feel sad, just realize that someday, u will see her again. just hold ur head high, and carry on your life. good luck :)

Go on line and look under Walter Dudley Cavert. Look for a piece he wrote called "Dragonfly". It is about what comes after death and is very beautiful and I got a lot of consolation from reading it. I have it framed in the house so that I can read it when I'm feeling down.

I would sleep... just lay down and take a loooooooooooooong nap and try to forget about it... also talking about it makes it a little easier to bear because you are basicly asking someone to share the load when my uncle died... it was terrible but I just went into a habit of sleeping and after a while... it went away (I also talked about it too) I'm so sorry for your loss and hope this helps
p.s. don't feel guilty... I'm sure you didn't know when your mom was going to pass... and plus I'm sure you went home for a good reason right?

you better practise yoga or meditation as it brings releif to your brain and its the best solution to be happy without any stress

Loss of near and dear ones,leaves a hollowness which is hard to fill.People who are more sentimental suffer most.But with time everything heals up.Be patient,and keep this in mind that everyone has to go at some point of time.This body is not eternal.All living things follow this vicious cycle of life and death.It has been said in Bhagawat Gita,that only soul is eternal which is not destroyed.It only changes form (body). So dont worry,the memory of your mother will keep her alive all through and accept the reality.

Sorry about your loosing your mother that way. My Father passed away after a long illness and we had a wake and allowed people to come and talk about him. Everyone had lots of stories many funny and we laughed so much that we were almost kicked out of the chapel.

Your mother has gone on to a better place. There is no reason to greve for her so you grief is for yourself and your loss. Try to remember all the good things shes done and the happiness she gave you. find someone you can share your feelings with because they need to come out. Maybe spend some time alone and have a god cry. remember some of this may be your hormones from the pregnancy. Maybe talk to the doctor and have a few session with a grief counselor to help sort things out.

Linzi.... Sorry to hear about your loss.. But it sounds like you are really doing a good job trying to hold yourself together. It really does take a while for the pain of loosing someone so close to you to stop. You should not feel bad that you were not at your moms side when she passed away... she knows that you love her and Its ok to feel sad but try not to let yourself be overwhelmed. It sounds like you have a great life and wonderful family. Remember life is short.. enjoy everything that you have and make the most out of each day... :)

there is nothing i can say on here that will melt your grief away. I am very sorry for your loss, and even though that doesnt make it any easier to deal with, take heed that people do care about how you are feeling.

I strongly believe that in some situations people know they are going to pass away before the world does, maybe in some ways your precious mother didnt want you there when she went because she knew it would be hard for you. i know that sounds bizarre but its something i believe in.

people talk about a mourning period, i really dont think this exists im sure it keeps going, cos even 5 years from now you might come across a photo of her, or smell her perfume and want to cry. the depths of sadness created by such a monumental passing are unconcievable.
All i can hope for you is that you are truly aware of how your mother would want you to be handleing this (an i think you are) sinking yourself into work, and busying yourself with mothering is only going to lead to u being burnt out, i think talking to your partner is a great idea, and dont worry about depressing him, when it comes down to it, he will be able to carry you through your hard times just like sometimes you need to carry him. thats how a partnership works.

I am very happy for you (that you are pregnant) just goes to show that lives keep going even when your sure there is no way the world can keep spinning without your loved ones.

i wish you all the best.
dont feel guilty for the things you cant control!
:)
laura

When my dad died I was devastated. He was sick, old and lonely and we were all prepared and it was much harder than I ever thought it would be. My dad asked me to come to his house the day before he died and I didnt so I understand guilt too.
Your feelings are totally normal. It is still relatively new but you will feel better as time goes by but it does take time. It was a good year before I started feeling better. Just remember that you are not alone. We all go through this and we can help each other get through. You will be ok. Hang in there!

good

I want to say that I understand that there is nothing anyone can say to make this feel better. My mother passed away 7 years ago at the age of 44 after having been diagnosed with cancer only one month prior. I was 20 at the time and I had a brother that was 9. To this day I still have times that I want to cry and I really really miss her. That is completely normal. There is no way to put a time frame on grieving or a mourning process it is very personal. I was not there when my mother passes away either and felt guilty about it but I know that she would not want me to dwell upon that. You seem as though you are progressing well and remember it has only been 5 months and this was your mother so it is ok to feel some emptiness. If you need to seek some grief counseling in groups or individual. Whatever you do remember there is nothing wrong with feeling sad.