How can one who suffers from incontinence deal with this embarassing problem?

Day and nighttime incontinence.

- Get good incontinence underpants and pads, once you feel safe there it isn't half as bad (women aren't embarrassed by having their period once the outflow is taken care of, either).
- There are specific exercises that help you train the muscles in your lower body that can help you reduce incontinence.
- See your doctor and discuss this, there are drugs that help

If you have bladder incontinence, depending on the reason why, you can 'behavior-train' your bladder, also there's some prescription medications for it. For kids there's a bedmonitor that trains the brain to recognize the need to void. Best to see a urologist, they can do all sorts of tests where exactly the problem is located. If you're bowel incontinent, that's another story.. depends on the cause again. If you have a problem with nerves around the sacrum, you need to be seen by a specialist for possible surgery. If you're paraplegic, there's little remedy; If it's the sphincter tone, some reconstructive surgery might help. Some people use a rectal catheter - not sure if it can be carried outpatient, and it has to be used with basically a liquid/tube-feed kind of diet.
With more specifics I might be able to have more info!
Good luck to you!