How come eating disorders can be addicting to some people, and not others?

Is there something wrong or right with me that I am not addicted to it. I know that emotionally/psychologically there is something wrong with me! I don't know what it is... I sometimes get paranoid, and I am dead scared of gaining any more weight. I am so sick of looking at myself that I am like an inch away from ending it all... so, like i go on and off with bullimia, and anorexia. I am taking laxitves/ and epicac :(
but, I can stop anytime i feel like it. I just don't want to graduate from high school fat! I know i'm hurting myself and my matabolism and all that other stuff that i heard 100 times before, but i honestly think that my matabolism was shot at birth! I think about how ugly, fat, and flat out disgusting I am everyday for letting myself get to this point. I'll probably jump off a bridge at the age of 20. I'm just so sick it. I mean, what the hell is wrong with me, how did i get to this point, I feel like i'm loosing my youth before my 18th birthday, i feel so old already.

btw: please don't judge me by this question

eating disorders might help you lose weight, but it is gonna mostly be water weight that you lose. Water weight will come back on in no time, you are not actually losing fat that way. Go on a diet, an exercise regimen(AND STICK TO IT), and you will be where you want to in no time.

hillary clinton

you need a good therapist and medication. i am a male and i have on again and off again issues with anorexia. i can tell you what i found out. most people do not look at you or judge you as critically as you judge yourself. it's true. there is and never will be perfection in life. get new friends if you feel there is too much pressure to be miss perfect. do also what i do. i have learned to excercise a bit more and to binge eat on pickles, air popped popcorn and big bowls of lettuce with low cal dressing. i bet if i saw you i would think your a princess, and i'm sure that others see you much prettier than you see yourself.

You need some professional intervention. Obviously you don't want to be self destructive. I bet you are an attractive young lady and you just don't see that. Please get some help. You'll love yourself for it.

I am a recovered anorexic. I also have OCD, which is what drove me to anorexia. I was obsessed with counting calories, exercising, and NOT eating. The ritualistic aspects of anorexia can be linked to OCD behavior. My battle with anorexia had little to do with bad body image--I realized I was unhealthy, I just couldn't stop my compulsions. That is why it was, in a way, addicting for me. Talk to a therapist about your problem. Please, don't give up. Your life is precious and you are beautiful. You have to be brave and I promise you, things will get better. Seek out positive and supportive people who can help you. Depression and anorexia are both serious mental illnesses, but you can get better. Be strong!

Here's the thing with EDs you're either in denial or you're aware of it. It's a good thing to be aware of you ED and what it's doing (like you are). Depression can either cause or be caused by an eating disorder, maybe that's why you're feeling like "ending it all". In reality, you can't stop any time you want. There are periods of being so-called "normal", I get them all the time. You want to think you're in control of your ED (that's what it's all about-control). By becoming "normal" you think, 'ha I'm in control and I'm fine'. You're partially in denial that anything is wrong, because you don't want it to be, and because you can't see anything wrong. You said everyone with an ED is skinny and that you're not. Here's the facts about that. You see yourself bigger then you are. You see this apparent "fat" in the mirror, while others see nothing. Next, people with EDs are not skinny to be with, and some are never skinny. Anorexics are by criteria underweight, however, anyone can think like an anorexic (and would fall under ED-NOS...eating disorder not otherwise specified). Bulimics are rarely uderweight because of their frequent binge/purge episodes, they are of average weight to slightly overweight.
From what you're expressing, you are starting to realize you are not in control, this is the hardest part of recovery. You see what you've been doing all along and you start to hate your every ounce of yourself. While this may be the worst part, this is when true recovery starts. You start wanting a change, and wanting to change your life.
Right now, you should (if not already) start talking to a therapist and dietician, possibly a psychiatrist who may put you on medication to help your depression. Just hang in there hun, I'm positive you're not as "fat and flat out disgusting" as you see yourself. You just need support through this difficult time-don't give up just yet.

Oh, whatever you do, don't use any more ipecac. Please, if it's the one thing you do, stop using it. It's so dangerous, and I know you don't want to hear this, but you need to hear this. Ipecac can cause a fatal heart rhythm on the first use, and this risk only increases the more you use it. It was designed in for emergency use only-and even now it is rarely used. Ipecac can and will kill you eventually. You will not know when, one day it will happen. No warning signs, no nothing. Re-think your ipecac use.

I hope everything goes okay<3