How to deal with grief...losing mother?

My ex husband lost his mother almost 2 years ago. He is still in a deep depression riddled with guilt and upset. He regrets how he handled so many things in the past (including wiht our relationship) and he can't seem to get his life back on track.

he has been to a psychiatrist. Been on medication. Etc

His mom was only 55 and he was 34 when she died.

He is leaving everything behind. Not participating in his two boys lives (they are both under 4).

He has used the reason "i just need time" for two years now. He doesn't work or contribute at all. How can I help? Swift kick in the butt at this point is how I feel!

honestly bereavement takes time and is very difficult, gather loved ones around you, give yourself time to heal

I know how you both feel. I've been at both ends of the spectrum. First, he needs to see another doctor. After almost two years it's not normal to feel the way he does. I suggest another doctor because he doesn't appear to have helped your husband work through the grief and guilt process, and there is one. Medication is good but in some instances it doesn't really help as shown by his not getting better. You may have to pull out all the stops to get him to another doctor but my money is on you. Do whatever you have to do but get him there and make sure you get your time with the doctor to give him your input. Best of luck.

He needs you to telll him, Hun I am so sorry about your mom, and you are right you could have done this beeter, and that better. Now let's make sure you do not make this mistake, with our sons and me. We love you your mom would want you to move on. So starting next week this is over.

He needs to focus on the good memories and ask himself whether she would want him to feel so guilty and upset. If the answer is no then she was worth grieving over but it's time to stop and honor her memory. If the answer is yes, she probably wasn't that great of a person and isn't worth the guilt and sadness. He needs to focus on establishing a good relationship with those still living, mainly his two boys. Otherwise the cycle of guilt and sadness will continue.

It sounds like your husband is having more than just regular grief going on. He should probably see a counselor to learn how to get past the guilt and get back to his current life. The problem is very serious if he is not participating in his children's lives and he may then regret this too. You may have to insist that he get some help in order to save your marriage and your future.You could offer to go with him on the first visit if he is reluctant but he needs to make the appointment himself and be responsible for his actions.

I think 2 years and professional help is enough. You have to do what is right for you and your 2 boys and at this point leaving him might be what he needs to get his act together. You can still let him know you love him and want him to get better but if he isn't willing to try then its time for you to move on.

First of all I think you could be just a little more compassinate. Is your mom still alive?? Losing one's mother is hard, real hard and if you did'nt have time to tell your mom you were sorry over something that happened in the past well that could be devastateing. I know a psychiatrist gives him his meds but who has he got to talk to?? Try to get him into some kind of counsling.I think they have support groups for people who have lost their moms.This man difenitly needs a support system.Or one day he's going to look around and see he has mised the best yrs of his sons lifes.