Does anybody know how to deal with it? My brother committed suicide and it's very hard.
Are there stages of grief?
According to David Kessler, co-author with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross of the last book written before her death: 鈥淭he five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief. Not everyone goes through all of them or in a prescribed order. The stages have evolved since their introduction and they have been very misunderstood over the past three decades. They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss as there is no typical loss. Our grief is as individual as our lives.鈥?br>
Other experts use terms like 鈥減hases鈥?or 鈥渃ycles鈥?to describe the process most commonly experienced by people when facing their own diagnosis of a terminal illness. Friends and family members go through a similar process, cycling back and forth between the different intense emotions. These phases are often experienced in the sequence described below, but individuals can cycle through these feelings in a different order, and can return to previous phases as grief is processed. It is also entirely possible to feel more than one emotion simultaneously, perhaps to a greater or lesser degree.
Denial
Upon hearing bad news, the most common reaction is a feeling of numbness or shock. We may experience disbelief: "That is not possible 鈥?there must be some mistake 鈥?you must have the wrong person, the wrong medical records 鈥?that can't be true or happen to me!" The mind-body has incredible defense mechanisms. If we pretend that something isn鈥檛 true, then somehow the blow is softened. At any moment, our loved one could reappear, or so we imagine. Time seems to briefly suspend itself, at least until the cruel reality of the truth sets in.
Anger
We may get angry at the messenger who delivers the news, the doctor, the person who caused us this pain (even if that person is now deceased), at anyone we can hold responsible for our grief, even at God. This reaction is perfectly understandable. There is a need to know why this happened and whether the loss could have been prevented. 鈥淲ho is at fault?鈥?we question. Somehow pointing the finger allows us to divert the pain from the core of our being where it rises up and threatens to overwhelm us. Others may turn their anger inwards and blame themselves for what happened.
Bargaining
We may try to negotiate the situation, either with another person involved, or with God: "Please give me one more chance and I promise things will be better 鈥?I will change 鈥?If you will reverse this, then I will ___ in return." This is kind of magical thinking where we believe our actions will meet with the desired outcome. Some people attempt to strike a deal with their Higher Power: to stop smoking, to find more time to spend with family, to offer an apology that鈥檚 long overdue. At some point, though, we face our limitations in holding up our end of the deal. No matter what we say or do, the bitter truth is that things will not go back to the way they were before. And that鈥檚 when the next phase hits.
Depression
When we realize the loss is real and unchanging, we may sink into a deep sorrow. Though Dr. K眉bler-Ross dubbed this phase 鈥榙epression,鈥?it is more accurate to describe it as more a combination of loss and loneliness and perhaps hopelessness. We may feel remorse or regret, rehearsing over and over what we could have done differently. Or perhaps we feel guilty that we are still able to enjoy life while our loved one no longer can. This intense experience of sadness leaves us with sparse energy for housework or outside activities. It is common to find ourselves sobbing over the smallest little thing or crying for days on end. Whether or not we have a terminal illness, we may feel our life is over. Some may consider or attempt ending their lives.
Acceptance
Time, in and of itself, will not heal our wounds. We may miss being able to share our life with that person, no matter how long it鈥檚 been since they passed away. We don鈥檛 have to forget how much our loved one means to us in order to move on. If we can come to terms with the reality of the situation, recognize it as a fact of our lives, and gradually let go of the struggle against the tide of emotions that we experience, we can move beyond our suffering. Even with our new circumstances, we can find peace within ourselves.
Other losses
Later writers have expanded this list of stages, adding Shock, Pain, and Hope in describing our reactions to loss. These stages have also been applied them to other circumstances: the loss of a loved one; grieving after a suicide; the loss of a pet; the loss of a job; the loss of a love relationship.
Please go and read these web pages, they will help you alot during this difficult time.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_lo...
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/grief/M...
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/grief/H... both my father and one of my cousins have committed suicide. i also was at a point in my life where i wanted to. when people do this they usually have something going really wrong going on in their life and they dont believe that they have any thing else to live for. sometimes people have mental disorders too and that doesnt help it any. my dad was schitzophrenic and he just couldnt take it any more. Same as any other grief.
The stages are:
Denial and isolation - The "This can't be real" stage.: "This is not happening to me." "There must be a mistake"
Anger - The "Why me?" stage.: "How dare you do this to me?!" (either referring to God, the late person, or themselves)
Bargaining - The "If I do this, you鈥檒l do that" stage.: "Just let me live to see my son graduate."
Depression - The "Defeated" stage.: "I can't bear to face going through this, putting my family through this."
Acceptance - The "This is going to happen" stage.: "I'm ready, I don't want to struggle anymore." The stages of grief is similar to the stages of dying .... its Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
If it happened to you, you have my sympathy. It's hard but remember, time heals all wounds. Just be strong and pray to Him for strength.
Use this prayer:
" Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference ." I think it is different grieving for some one who committed suicide. First was mental illness a factor? If the person checked out for no obvious reason it can be more difficult. I would get some counseling. I know that probably sounds like a generic answer but suicide is a very selfish choice on the person committing suicide unless mental illness played a factor. People who don't have mental illness have no idea what a person with it goes through. Especially if the MI is severe. After suicide love ones are left with the loss, and guilt of what could they have done. When in reality if the person gave no clue it would happen there was nothing anyone could do. A counselor can help you deal with the guilt, anger, and loss you will feel. denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are the "by the book" stages. |
