Help! Stuggling with a child with severe food allergy...?

My child has 2 severe food allergies. I am really concerned about how this is going to affect her as she gets older. Example: Birthday party. We didn't go because there were peanuts on the tables as a decoration and they were being eaten by adults and children at the party. The issue for her is the peanut dust that is in the air when they are being eaten (which is why many airlines no longer serve peanuts on flights). So, we skipped the party. My guess based on the severity of her allergy is that I would have been shocked if she would have made it through the night without a reaction.
Why am I paniced? Because I am noticing that people continue on with their plans, even if it excludes us. In all instances, it would be very easy to make small changes to accomidate her, but it doesn't happen and so we skip out on the event. It has gotten to the point where it is hurtful & feels like she/we are not accepted.
What do you think? Please be honest!!
Thank you!

To be honest, the world does not revolve around your kid's allergies. That's just something you and she are going to have to live with. I'm not saying it to be mean, just realistic. As far as how it will affect her when she is older, you need to teach her to take responsibility for her own safety and not expect (or trust) others to accomodate her. It's not others' responsibility to keep her safe, it is yours, and when she is older, hers. She needs to know that others are not going to go out of their way to accomodate her, she needs to assess the risk herself and make allowances for it.

I would be sure your child is being treated by the allergist and getting allergy shots if appropriate. I am not sure how you knew peanuts were being served if you didn't go to the party. In the future I would call ahead and remind the person hosting the party what your childs allergies are and ask if they are having any of the things you mentioned. If they are very politely tell them it is to bad you will have to miss the party but your child's well being is your first concern. I would ask if they would consider altering the menu but if they no then don't feel any regrets about not going. If the hosts were truely interested in you and your child attending they would consider making slight changes to accomodate you. Since they don't want to budge then I guess they aren't as good a friend as you thought they were.

I completely understand where you are coming from. My family does this with my son and it is hurtful. However, I hate to say that it is hard to alter plans for just one person. If this is happening all the time, then I would suggest having a word with them. Especially if you do not get to see them very often. If you do see them on a regular basis, maybe suggest that once in a while they skip the nuts. You may not get to go to all the fun functions but you'll relax and enjoy the ones you do get to attend. It is probably an innocent oversight that just needs addressed appropriately.

this is a hard thing to adapt to. i'm just now starting to deal with it myself b/c my 5 year old daughter is reacting to lots of things and has food allergies as well (ginger,cherries,strawberries,and kiwi).my 8 year old daughter is also allergic to strawberries and kiwi.

as for her allergy keeping her from attending or participating in things-did her doctor tell you she couldn't breathe around peanuts or just not eat them? this would help determine which activites she could participate in.

i also have 2 nieces who have severe food allergies. one is allergic to all wheat and soy products and the other is all dairy!! when i have b-day parties for my kids, my sister-in-law usually just packs a little "party" bag for my nieces with cake and drinks that they can have. that way, they are still participating in the event w/out having to worry about their allergies. this might be something you want to start doing for her. all 3 of my girls are in girl scouts and i always pack their snack separately so the girl that is bringing snack that week doesn't have to worry about accomodating my kids.

i don't think people purposefully try to exclude you, i just think that when it comes to allergies, most people think that the parent will make sure the child is accomodated (bring food for them) or they are simply unaware of the allergy.

in the future, maybe inform the parents of your daughter's friends about her allergies so that they might be able to help make the events they invite her to a little more accomodating.

I know how it feels as I am a mom to two girls with plenty of birthday invites and it can be hard to tell them why they cannot attend a party. Ouch...it hurts!

However, your kid's health is your top priority. It is the perogative of others how they want to conduct their parties. If they are close friends of yours, you can let them know about the allergies that your kid is facing.

I've been reading some of the comments here. It is sad that so many kids are inflicted with food allergies nowadays. It makes me wonder if something is really wrong with the way we are living and why our kids are ending up with inflammatory systems.

I've found it beneficial to keep abreast of allergy news and research. I think that my time is better spent on reading and getting educated about allergies than wallowing in feelings of hurt. Here are a couple of sites for some reference

http://www.allergy-attacks.com

http://www.webmd.com - check up allergies

my son has many food allergies and I nearly stopped breathing after eating peanuts and once when I was around a cat...but you can not ask others to change for you. sure, maybe in your home or close family but not in public and this is something you must teach your child to deal with in the world and not expect others to change or even care. no one does if they are not experiencing it. keep benedryl around and if it is severe she should wear a bracelet. you dont want to single her out or embarrass her and you should never be left out of any event. live normally and just deal with it.
you can not watch your daughter all the time and she has to go to school and function normally. the more attention you give to an allergy, the worse it is since adrenaline makes the reactions magnified in your body. if she has a reaction she needs to relax. many times kids grow out of the reactions and allergies once they are teens. my son was allergic to many things and now he has only red dye that causes a rash.
relax and deal with it only when it shows itself and then have benedryl on hand. inform the school nurse and people who need to know. dont baby her about it or be a worrier mom. ok? I never heard of anyone having a reaction from being around others eating peanuts and yet I am allergic to them. eating them makes my throat itch and burn and I get tight in my chest. I take benedryl and I am ok if I eat them by accident.Chineese food has peanuts in sometimes and you can not tell). relax. dont take it personally but you are overacting and you know it. you asked for honesty. you wanted me to tell you the truth. I love you and god bless you and your daughter.

the allergy may be alleviated by medications , & some Natural Herbal products may be very useful as they can support the immune system , just as you are supporting your child's feelings , you may see Claritose at :
http://4all.getmyteamsite.com

I am sorry you are going through this................As you already know she is allergic like I am n I myself had tried hell lot of sprays n medicines.. And like you said its really difficult to be in situations sometimes like I had this allergic reaction each time I entered my office!! or it would literally start anywhere....

Firstly my earlier doctors gave up to! But later I found this doctor(ENT specialist) and - I don't know what its called - I think allergy shots may be - I was given that like 10 injections - 2 every alternate days for 5 days....... I was 18 yrs that time n I had hell lot to suffer 'cuz of my allergy n sinus. But after these shots I have been relieved till now I am 26 now.... I do get allergies but now they are very slight n tolerable.......

Secondly now my doc suggested me this apart from regular anti allergics n it really worked for me - I use a few drops of oil (any oil that suits you like coconut, almond, i use almond oil) a day into my nostrils, so that the allergen doesn't come in direct contact with my nose membrane thus prevently any allergic reaction.....

Hope it helps.. Good luck!