What can one say or do for a niece who is starving herself to death?

My niece is 15 years old. She has had an eating disorder for over a year. She also has an obsession with exercising. She has been admitted to Hershey Medical Center twice now. In Sept. 2006 for 3 months and then at Christmas of 2007 for two weeks. Her mother was dating another man during the first time. Unbeknown to my brother. She finally moved out with the man. My niece decided to go with her. She has three sibling. 21, 18, 17. They all stayed with their father. Hershey is not helping her get well and neither is the therapist here at home. Last time she was in Hershey she had to gain weight to go home. She did. She had another appointment to return and not only lost the weight she had gained in the hospital but more. She probably only weighs 82lbs at age 15. Her facial features are sunken. Her skin color is grey. I am afraid her organs will shut down before she even turns 16. Should she talk to someone who has been thru it and survived? She needs help.

If she isn't making any progress, she needs a new therapist. She also should possibly be put back inpatient since her weight is so low. These disorders are very treatment resistant. I wouldn't be surprised if her living situation and the trauma of the marriage failure is fueling the problem. All of those things are out of control. The only thing she can control is her weight, so she fixates on it. This is how eating disorders develop.

I can see why this is frustrating to you. See if there are any support groups in the area she may be able to attend. You may be the only person who can help her stay in treatment right now. Don't give up.

As a recovering anorexic, the best thing you can do is support her. You can't force someone with an eating disorder to recover, part of therapy is trying to get that person to see that they have a problem and then want to get better. Hopefully, you caught her early.

1) Give her unconditional love and support. Send her cards every day/week, fun things to cheer her up, sit with her, basically have everyone in the family try to shower her with love.

2) Don't make any comments about weight/food. "You did so well to keep this down," or "I proud of you for eating dinner," are not helpful. They don't make her feel better, only worse.

3) Realize that there is an underlying problem causing the disorder and work to fix that as well as her problems. If the parents are never around, have them spend more time with her, etc.

Just stick with it and hope for the best.


-Also, group therapy is not for everyone. Some girls get worse because they constantly compare themselves to one another.-

i think she should speak to someone who has endured the same situation. i'm so sorry that your niece is going through that. i hope she feels better

I'm wondering how much contact you are able to have with her. If there is any way you can make daily contact with her, do so. She needs support on a daily basis. This is an addiction to not eating, same as an addiction to cigarettes or heroin. I have heard of youngsters who were fooled into gaining weight by giving them slim fast and diet drinks. Because they say diet, they think it's o.k. But in reality they are taking in more calories than they would if they were eating and then throwing it up. Yes, you should seek a support group. Kids don't listen to adults at this age. An adult therapist at this age is not all she needs. She needs a support group of girls her age who have been there, done that, and are on there way to getting better. I am suse the therapist could help you find a support group. And maybe you could help get her there and home. Best of wishes, my prayers will be with this young lady.

I know how you feel. Not only have I heard of this life threatening disease, I had it, not long back. She doesnt need a therapist, she needs you. She doesnt want to talk to someone that doesnt understand, she needs someone just like her, her own flesh and blood. Or, try finding an adult or friend (woman) that had this problem, and have them hang out. Dont have her have to sit and talk about it, have her do fun stuff and bring it up once in a while. It will start dying down. If you need any questions or comments, my email is plasticteacupswithlove@yahoo.com don ever ever hesitate to email me. She needs love. Not hospitilization.

show her that some people are starving in the world, best not to take food for granted
show her that beauty matters on the inside and outside
tell her it's not worth going to extreme lengths if she's going to suffer or even die
maybe get her friends round show her that people do care and love her no matter what she looks like

You need to get her into another hospital. Either she should voluntarily gain weight, or have her tube fed. After that, get her into a residential program. There she can work on healthy eating, and uncover the reasons behind her eating disorder. And there are other girls who are going through the same thing there.

She knows how to "play the system", and just repeating everything isn't going anywhere.

Talking to some one who has been threw it and survived sounds like a great idea, she should also be put into a group with other kids around her age who have the same disorder, that might help her to see what she's doing to her self and her family before its to late, the sooner the better, what she's doing aside from potentially killing her could also have long term effects on her overall health even if she does make a change. I hope she will be OK, my prayers are with you and her.

The greatest number of run-aways are girls, age 14-15. It's about the most stressful year for teen girls. As you well know, anorexic girls are also enduring stress, unable to control their environment, they work overtime controlling their own body. The problem is that even though the pounds fall off, their world does not get any better - instead their health becomes a problem too.

When one of my daughters was 14, there were some serious health issues others of us in the house were dealing with. We saw her behavior going out of control. Thanks to an invitation from Grandma and Grandpa - she moved to their town where she did well as the only child.
Have you considered inviting your niece to live in your home? For her to know stability and unconditional love, and have a commitment to her health may be what it would take to start her over in a healthier life.

It looks like this girl needs different Dr.s and therapists. And, at this point in her life, a different set of friends. She needs to know without a doubt that somebody CARES.

If you do bring her into your home - do so with a written contract to include responsibilities on both sides, including curfew, participation in therapy, transportation, etc. Starting out with a contract will reduce stress in an ongoing manner.