I left my husband when he was diagnosed with cancer.Now he's ok and I want him back.What do I do?

We were married for 5 years at the time he was diagnosed with an advanced stage of cancer.It wasn't terminal but we were told the journey to get him better was going to be a very lond one.When I found out I totally lost it and I know it was extremely wrong of me but I left him because I didn't think I could deal with the disease and how it'd affect my life.He didn't have any other family so I did feel very guilty but I didn't feel like I had a choice but to leave him.It's been 2 years and he's in remission.I want a second chance so badly.He treated me like a queen throughout the whole time we've been together and I still love him as much as ever.He won't even look me in the eye let alone consider getting back together.What do I do?

Do him a favor and leave him alone. He is not cured 2 years out (that's usually at the 5 year mark) and if he has recurrence, you are going to dog him again.

Questions like this remind me of the disappointing sides of humanity. Even in your description, you do nothing but frame things in how they affect you, "...the disease and how it'd affect my life..." and "...he treated me like a queen..." By and large, people rarely change, so stay away from the poor guy and tell your story to every new man you meet (so at least they are warned about how you are).

It sounds to me like you don't deserve him. If you don't love him enough to stick by him when he really needed you, why should he take you back?

Now that you've broken his trust in you so dramatically, what do you think you should do? If you had been diagnosed with cancer and he left you, how quickly would you be to take him back?

Guilt can be a good thing. It teaches us that we've done something wrong, and hopefully you will have learned something from this. In your next relationship maybe you won't be so quick to abandon the person you are with.

But as to getting him to take you back, I wouldn't even try. If he wanted to see you again it would be his option, and he would decide to get in contact with you. There is nothing on your end, however, that can be done.

i agree, if you didnt stay with him when he was at the worst point, then why should he take you back now that he's able to enjoy life again. you placed disgrace upon a relationship, how dare you!

The situation looks very bleak. Why did u go away when he needed u so much. Whatever reasosn u had, try and get those real reasons to him. And dont mess with him. U hav to assure him that ur past behavour wont be repeated. Let him take his decision then. In the meantime, be the best friend that u can. God bless.

rena k has your answer .
your selfish . take your leson and move on .

give it up. you've revealed yourself as selfish and shallow, and that you have nothing to add to his life but more sorrow. how can anyone live there life next to someone they can't trust? i'd feel bad for him if he went back with you....

Sounds like HE'S to good for YOU.

You really messed that up.

Honey, you promised for better or for worse. You left him when he needed you the MOST! I think you should have asked this question several years ago ,before you left him, then you could have received help for your fears. Aside from a miracle you will NEVER get him back. If he treated you like a queen and you left him when he needed you, it tells him that you are selfish and he will never trust you again. I would tell you to learn from this and move on to find someone else that will give you a chance. With some luck you will find a nice man again, but you will always have to live with the fact that you left the man that you loved when he needed you the most and you lost the true love of your life. I am so sorry for you. Move on,and leave him alone. He has suffered enough. But you should explain why you hurt him the way you did and ask for forgiveness, maybe you could be friends.

leave him alone. you ran out at the worst time imaginable-when he needed you most. you have no right to expect him to forgive you, and by trying you are just bringing things back out for him and going to make him feel worse. what if his cancer came back? how would you act? even if he took you back that fear would be hanging over him constantly-and thats no sort of relationship either of you deserve.

move on.

try not to make the same mistake twice in your next relationship.

and leave him be-he deserves to move on with his life in peace.

the fact that you left him for the reason that you did says a lot about you!
i don't know what kind of person leaves thier husband who was diagnosed with cancer,because they're worried about how it would affect THIER life?????????? there is something seriously wrong with you. seek medical attention

You need to realize that you totally screwed up, betrayed his love in the worst possible way and you need to head on down the road of life - by yourself.

Your husband has been through some very serious life and death situations which made him think very closely about life, his own mortality and what was really important to him. You were not there for him when he really needed you to be.

You say he treated you like a queen and yet you chose to abandon him when things looked grim. Now he knows that he can't trust you, doesn't need you and will be much better off without you.

That was extremely cold, how could you abandon your husband in his darkest hour for your own selfishness....relinquish your position as his wife..and take this as a lesson...descisions come back to nip us in the rear.

if you really love him, leave him alone.

maybe you should consider his feelings, imagine how he would have felt to find out he is dying and the only person he has got for support leaves him, he would have been devastated, you should leave him alone for him to get better and move on with his life, you should have stuck with him through thick and thin, not worried about how it was going to affect your life, he was told he was going to die for gods sake you should have cared for him and spent as much time together as possible, you left him to deal with it by himself, so leave him alone the last thing he would need is you playing with his feelings and mental health, if you couldnt support him he is better off without you, move on with your life and let him live his life and find some happiness.....and remember this was your doing that you are not together so now you have to live with it ......Sorry but thats my opinion

Wow... this is the most cold blooded selfish thing i've heard in a long time... my bet is the guys' you've dated since him haven't been too good to ya' .you desreve them... he deserves better...

if you couldnt be around someone you'd loved as such a hard time do you think you deserve to get back with him?
He has a right to be mad at you you did a horrible thing and maybe you dont really love him cause even though it would have effected your life alot you should have been beside him the entire time.

If he was your husband, you must have made the vow to love honor and cherish in SICKNESS and in health. You abandoned him when he had no one to turn to and when he needed YOU most. How supportive would you be if he were to get sick again? You are self centered and don't deserve him. What have your actions done to him? No one can be this narcissistic your ? can't be legit !!! QUEENY

well, you obviously know it was very, VERY wrong of you to do what you did in the first place. you cant blame him for acting the way he is...."in sickness and in health"...remember words similar to those? do you only want him back b/c he's now in remission? and if the cancer does come back will you leave him again b/c you cant handle it? im sorry, im not trying to be mean, its just that ive been around a few special people who battled cancer and the people who supported them is what kept them going and you shouldve been there with your husband. the only thing i can tell you is to start by writing him a letter apologizing and admit you were wrong to him and thought only of yourself. let him know that the choice is up to him for yall to start over and you realize it wont be built in a day and cant start back up where you left off. tell him that you want to talk and work on rebuilding a relationship. If you are lucky enough for him to let you come back then you better treat him extremely well. its bad enough he dealt with cancer let alone you leaving. be prepared for him to tell you no.

I am very pleased to hear your husband is well, seems like he was very lucky. I have never heard of an advanced stage of cancel being diagnosed as not being terminal, they usually give you the positive and negative odds. That aside, can you really expect him to want you back, when you left him when he needed you most. If you love him as much as you say you do, give him the chance to meet a woman who will stick by him through thick and thin.

It's going to be very difficult for him to trust you again, I'm sorry to say. The main question in his mind is going to be, "Gee, if I get sick again, will she once again abandon me?" And it's a valid point. Do you know for sure that you would stick with him if that happens? If so, then this is what you'll have to get across to him. And it's extra hard because he wasn't pronounced terminal so you can't tell him that the thought of losing him was just too unbearable. The only way you stand a chance is to be humble and admit you were being selfish. I would say something to the effect of, "Babe, I can't believe I was so incredibly selfish when I should of been the main person you could lean on. I took a vow when we married that I'd be by your side for better or for worse and I broke that. I was thinking of how stressful and long it would be before you got better and for reasons I don't understand, it just seemed too much for me to bear. But I know I was wrong and I have felt guilty each and every day. If you give me one more chance, I promise that whatever we face in the future, we'll do it together. I know it's going to be hard to trust me, and if you need time, I understand. We'll take it as slow as you want. I'll even go to councelling with you or by myself to find out why I did what I did so that I make sure I'll never leave you again. Will you consider taking me back, I love you."
Try and tell him this in person. Send him some flowers with a card that reads, "There is something important I need to tell you. Please call me." Give him a few days to think this over. If he doesn't call, then call him and arrange for him to come over for dinner. Make his favorite meal, light some candles, and put on some of his favorite music turned down low. If you do all this and he still says there's no chance, you can say, "Well, I love you so much I'm not going to give up trying."
Send him a love card once a week for several weeks saying how sorry you are. If after THAT he still says no, let him go and move on. I wish you the very best and will be praying that he forgives you.

As you well know this will take a lot of rebuilding back his trust in you, this is a tough question, however I will try my best at answering your question here.

Instead of telling him you want him back, you want to be his wife again, try just being friends, ask him if he is seeing anyone first, he may be you know.

I know you will feel hurt if he tells you yes, but try not to get down too hard on yourself for this answer from him, nor get upset with him either for it has been two years since you both been seperated from one another.

Even though he do not want you back as his wife at least you can suggest to become just friends instead..you can offer to pick up his prescribtions, shop for him, drop off some books for him to read and so on....just take it slow, and do not rush him back to you or you may just make matters worse for the both of you.

Do not make any promises to him of any kind on any subject no matter what how important it may be to you that is not at first for the first few months that is.

Ask him if he would like to get together for a cup of coffee or even a glass of wine what ever you choice you may be, and do not let him pay your way, no, instead go dutch like friends would for each other, meaning you paid for your lunch and he pays for his, you may have to do this serval times and then out of the blue offer to paid for his dinner or even a ticket to go see a movie.

Just remember one thing, in order to get someone to trust you again, you must take it slow and easy and not rush into things just as if you both were first dating for the first time except this time keep your distances from one another and respect his rights and I am sure he will respect you back in the same way.

And also try not to call him each and every day of the week, this may also just simply drive him futher away from you, instead if you feel you must call and chat with him, then do it about once every other week for the first few months, write him a letter once a month telling him about the things you saw, who you talk too, places you visits, car troubles, etc, but do not even mention anything about gettting back together again.

I hope this had help any at all.

LOVE HIM????????????
Sister, you don't even know the meaning of the word!!!!
Someone who loves someone does NOT walk out on them in their greatest time of need. Sorry, but he probably got healthy because he wasn't with you any longer. If he's such a good man, then he deserves a woman worthy of him. How dare you even go near him-haven't you tortured him enough. If you have even an inkling of concern for HIM, then stay away from him.

I would suggest you move on,,,,,,,for so many reasons.

First of all you don't love him if you read this question that YOU wrote very carefully you will realize you don't love him,,,,,,, YOU lost it (u first),,,,,I left him because I could not deal with the disease (u again),,,,,,how it affected YOUR life (u again),,,,,,,,YOU had no choice but to leave him (u again),,,,,,,I want a 2nd chance (u again),,,,,,,he treated me like a queen (u again) It's all about you never once then when he was sick did you think about him and how he would feel what he was going thru,,,,,,and not once now are you thinking about him and how he feels now. Your selfish, I'm sorry if this offends you that's not my intention but you do need to learn to think about others from time to time specially if that person is your husband. It doesn't mean that for this reason you need to live in guilt not at all that's not God's will either forgive yourself and apologize to him and move on girl until you realize selfishness doesn't get you anywhere but a lonely place.

If you love him as much as you claim to, then please leave him alone. It is the greatest gift you could ever give him.

This is going to sound harsh, so if don't want to face the truth, read no further.
You deserted him when he was at his most vulnerable...if you were in his position would you want you back???. I'll ask you one simple question: What are you going to do the next time the going get tough?
You do not deserve him. He has been through hell and has a second chance at life, I fail to see why he should waste it with you.
I won't give you advice on how to get back with him, I don't want to be responsible for a man's heart being broken...for a second time.
If he does take you back, consider yourself extremely lucky and learn your lesson. Next time it gets rough, stand by him.
If he wont take you back, well tough luck, let him live in piece.
We all make mistakes and have to live with the consequences, it part of being an adult!!

Added at a later point:
I just read it all again, and realised you said the cancer was NOT terminal. If you ditched him when you knew he would recover then I really don't know what there is to say. I think you should just learn from your mistake and leave him be. If you love him let him rebuild his life. Be his friend if he needs one. I don't think I'd recommend re-entering any kind of other relationship.

Oh, you awful woman - I hope he throws eggs and rotten tomatoes at you!

Well everyone makes mistakes. Considering the divorce rate is like 50% and statistically 66% of adults have cheated in past relationships before, you can assume most of the replies here are probably hypocritical in some way anyway.

My inclination is not to judge a msitake too harshly since you are the one paying for it now, and don't need my venting added. My advice is you obviously have to initiate some sort of conversation and get a result or closure from him.

As with anything if you use enough concentrated willpower you will either get where you want ...or realise where you should be instead.

In the last 7 hours, you have asked this question in 6 different categories, and a question on physical child abuse in 4 different categories. I don't know whether you are asking these serious questions as they apply to your own life, or whether you are doing research, or just bored or looking for attention. If indeed these are issues relating to your own life, I suggest that you seek advice from a professional.

You have asked this question multiple times in other categories and received significant response from people who trusted that the question was real. Is this a class project or something?

Men's Health
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Mental Health
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Psycology
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Cancer
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Marriage and Divorce
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Family
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

its pretty obvious ur husband is better off without u and at least he knows that now