Living with Severe PTSD?

I was diagnosed with P.T.S.D (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) earlier this year, following a very violent home invasion. From a once fun loving, outgoing friendly person, I have become a withdrawn, terrified, empty shell. I'm living life on autopilot, just going through the motions, and have basically become a hermit.
I cant sleep, cant eat, I'm constantly on edge, I'm suicidal, hallucinate and am never without a weapon.
I spend almost every night, and some days, either rigid with fear in bed or sitting with my ear pressed against my bedroom door, wielding a weapon in hand and literally holding my breath waiting for something to happen. I was admitted to a mental ward last month, however it was little more than a babysitting service, and i actually left feeling worse than i did prior to going in.
I try to distract myself by doing various activities or mind games, but nothing really works. And Counselling isn't an option as i physically cant talk about it

How can i live with PTSD?

I went through a very severe trauma after my husband made a violent attempt on my life. I was able to call friends and stay with them. Every one of my husband's friends came over to see me every single night for weeks and made me talk. We talked and talked until all hours of the morning. We talked, I talked until the words could no longer come out of my mouth. If it had not been for those friends, I would have never made it. If I had not talked I would have never made it. I spent so much energy talking that much of the pain spilled out of me. Talking saved my life and those friends who made me talk saved my soul. Talking is so very important. You hold in you all the pain and fear and anger -- and when you talk they can all be released. It is energy. It is hard to hold things in you. And holding things in you will cause you to withdraw into a shell you may never want to crawl out of.

Living is the most important thing to do. Pope John Paul II once said, "Fear not, Fear not, Fear not." Three times he said it. He wanted to impress upon us that fear is not living.

I won't say that everything will be rosy afterwards, because you are not the same person since this happened. But you can find life and joy again. And talking is really the first step. You must let the pain out. Please, believe me, listen to what I've said. Please, find a way to get help. You are asking for help here, so I know you want to move forward. Please do counseling.

They do have support groups to help. I know you said that counselling isn't an option--but in time will help. They also have some medications that will help.

PTSD - COMBAT VET IN IRAQ FOR A YEAR ,MANY MISSIONS THAT I WAS SO LUCKY TO NOT GET KILLED OR SHOT AND CAME BACK IN ONE PIECE --BUT-- NOW AT HOME FOR A YEAR --I HAVE NITE MIRRORS AND DAILY FLASH BACKS I CAN FEEL THEM COMING ON AND MY MIND IS JUST A REPLYING MOVIE CAN,T EAT OR SLEEP --LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT AND NOT HANDLING DAILY RESPONSIBILITY'S, --ON PAXIL 80 mg aday SIDE EFFECTS ARE GETTING BAD - THE DOC WANTS ME TO GO TO THERPTHY AND TALK TO A SHRINK --I DON,T FEEL THAT THIS IS OF ANY HELP --MEDS AREN,T DOING ME ANY POSITIVE BENEFITS JUST COST MORE $$ --I TALK TO OTHER VETS AND THAT HELPS ALITTLE --TALK TO SOMEONE CLOSE THAT YOU CAN TRUST TO CONFIDE IN --ALSO A MEDICATION WILL EASE THE TENSION A BIT TILL YOU CAN ADJUST TO THE ISSUE --GOOD LUCK

You REALLY need to see a counselor! Living with PTSD is not an option.

I was in your position 10+ years ago after being beaten & raped by a boyfriend. I had been abused by my father as well and thought that this was the life I deserved, that somehow all the bad stuff was my fault. I bottled all the hurt inside and tried to be tough. I didn't start seeing a counselor until my husband insisted on it just a few weeks ago. True, without counseling, the nightmares & terror may ease a bit over time, but you will never be able to get over this by yourself. This is not a matter of being strong enough to "get over it". If you can鈥檛 talk about the event, perhaps you can talk about the way the event has changed your life. If you can type about it, maybe you can talk about it. Eventually you will be able to talk about the actual event. When it comes to getting help, surprisingly, the details of the attack don't matter as much as the way you are dealing with it. I actually found it easier to talk to a counselor than to someone I knew. My counselor has made a huge change in my life in only 3 weeks. I was actually amazed at how much better I felt simply getting it all off my chest in one long cry. You have to figure out how to function normally again. If you cannot bring yourself to talk to a counselor, maybe a change of scene would help. Take a weekend trip to a nice bed & breakfast in the country. Take walks in the woods, sit on the porch and drink cocoa, etc... Barricading yourself in the house (aka scene of the crime) is the worst thing you can do right now. I know. I've been there. I had a baseball bat & a big *** rock! If I had seen a counselor back when I first needed to, I could have avoided the decade of self-destructive behavior and misery. And, I wouldn't have hurt my husband, the only man I have let into my life since the rape.

I assume that you filed a police report. Check with the police. There may be a victim's assistance program that can provide free counseling. Your health insurance may also cover counseling. Hope you feel better!