I think my neighbour is suffering domestic violence by her partner, what do I do?

I have lived next door to a couple who moved in about eight months ago, and they row all the time. My husband and I have heard it getting physical recently, for example, the door has been thumped against as if he is hurting her against it, and other odd noises have occurred as well. We live in a block of flats so everyone in the block hears them. The thing is, as is the case in much of modern society, we only know our neighbours to nod to, and I feel if I ring the police they would think I was interfering. My husband loathes any contact with the authorities and his attitude is to stay out of it. He has tried to help people in distress in the past out on the street and he was the one getting cautions, hence his depising of the police. But a woman mey be suffering domestic violence and I feel I should do something. Any suggestions?

Your husband has the right attitude here. If this woman is being assaulted, she has options.

notify local police department.

contatc your local police domestic voilence unit in confidence. Also just eb a freind to her, she may need it

You can go over to their house and ask them to be a little quieter. If you have children, dress them up as girl or boy scouts and pretend to sell cookies. If the man looks really mad or the female looks battered and hurt, you know she's suffering about something. I would talk it over with your husband and ask him if you may contact somebody who can stop all this nonsense.

get involved call the police would you want it on your consience if he killed her and you did nothing?........your call could be the one that stops it

You must act on your instincts,report it to the police and your social services department.Here in the UK it is taken as seriously as child abuse.You must, men like that r cowards and need to stopped!!!!!

When they get into it again yes call the police. You cannot just stand by and do nothing while this abuse is happening. Please call for the safety of everyone involved.

Why not invite her round for a coffee when she is alone at home and see if you can befriend her. She may then start to confide in you and if you are right in your assumptions, then you could recommend she sees someone. Don't go charging in with no proof as you could make matters worse and even be utterly wrong.

Contact Social Services and speak to a duty social worker. You'll find the telephone number in your local Yellow Pages.

Find out the name of the local super down at the Bill and make an appointment to see the officer in charge of the domestic violence unit. Go see her and see what she says. You can't ignore this.

Contact your county council - they should have a Domestic Violence department who can help.

Its a hard decision, maybe you should approach the woman sometime when you know her husband isnt home, ask her over for some coffee, sometimes when you call the police it will only make it worse because her husband will take it out on her.

Call the police and complain about the noise. Don't mention domestic violence. When the police arrive, they will be able to tell if there is anything going on.

When you hear them fighting again then call 911. If the police hear them fighting than they can do something about it! Unfortunately, if the police do not hear or see the abuse then they can only do so much...like if the victim presses charges! I would not ignore it....what if someone gets hurt or even killed? Good luck and listen to your gut!!!

all you can do is to suggest to the woman to seek help from the authorities
you can report it but that is meddling and the women may even hate you for that and she may get beaten more as a result ,
talk to her offer to help ,,is all you can do,
what happens between arguing couples ,and what is illlegal are two different things

I have been in a very simillar situation when I lived in a block of flats. I couldn't figure out where it was coming from but I definatly heard a woman get beaten serverly and raped. I was to scared to phone the police as I didnt want him to hear and come for me next. Luckly someone did call the police after 2 hrs they arrived. This happened time and time again mainly at the weekend so I ended up not staying there or getting stupidly drunk. I figured out who it was as he would follow me and crn me in the flats but still I didn't do anything. Until this day it makes me feel sick and I wish I had got some help from specialists. If you have the strength to do something I strongly reccomend it. x

This is difficult for you. In a similar situation a few years ago, I did nothing, and now I've moved away I still think of her sometimes and wish I'd sone something. Go and speak to someone at your local Police Station, and ask their advice. They are far more sympathetic to domestic violence these days. You could also speak to Social Services, ask if the have a Domestic Violence Unit, get some advice from them.

This is not just about her, it's also about your right to a peaceful life, so you do have a right to get involved.

call the police if you hear an argument and suspect violence such as that you describe.
talk to her see if she is being abused physically and or emotionaly.
if you see any bruises then you have to get her to talk to the police about it.
but you have to remember there are some strange individuals that like to both give and recieve pain. soi what you are hearing may be part of the normal life for that couple and may be part of the affection they share together. I'm not saying that is right. but it happens. why anyone would want to be abused like that for pleasure is a mystery to me.
if your neighbour does not want to take action against her partner then you can do nothing for her, except may be be there if and when she comes to her senses and wants to get help to stop being physically and mentally abused in the maner you describe.
your husband is wrong. the police take allegations of domestic abuse very seriously. they say that they would rather get a report that turns out to be nothing than not get a call at all. (at least i seem to recall hearing or readiung that somewhere). Remember too that a lot of reported deaths are as a result of domestic abuse.

your suspicions could be misidentifying the abuser and the victim. some women bully and abuse the partners so could this be the case.

your first action is or should be to call the police at the first sign of domestic violence. who ever is being abused will thank you for getting them help when they may not be able to get help for them selves.

think if it was your brother or sister being abused would you stand by and do nothing? i think not, you would get help as quickly as you could. wouldn't you?

you MUST do something...... dont leave it thinking someone else is bound to do something or that it will just 'go away' it probably wont. Contact the police anonamously preferably when this violence is taking place & if as you say you live in a flat then it could quite easily be a number of people who called the police.... no one needs to know who . Imagine coming home from work just as the police undertakers are bringing your neighbours body out..... its too late to help her then, and you could have prevented it ..... you wont be able to live with yourself. What would you want your neighbour to do if you were getting a regular beating from your partner??????????

Make sure that it is that bad first, or as much as possible and if you are still worried call the police

I assume your neighbouris a woman because the victims usually are,and they are victims believe me she has lost the right t put her hand up to volunteer,or choose to walk away.
The vicitims of domestic violence have been robbed of their self esteem,and worth by emotionasl terrorism.
As far as what can you do about it goes, well that depends on what lengths you are prepared to go to help your neighbour and all the pther victims of domestic abuse.
If you are willing to go to any lenghts,and feel willing ,I suggest you get in touch withyur local m.p. and demand a change in the present laws,because thousands of women are being abused daily,and are not being sufficiently protected by our laws becauasen of one rationale called " TAKE RESPONSIBILITY". this one can be thrown to victims of muggins,rapes, ansd many other forms of abuse which uis being branded about within our society.
oF course you could have a word with your neighbour and try to convince her that she is worth an enourmous amount more than to be with this person who is abusing her.
just have a look at some of our top models and their choice of friends to see how jyudgement can be blurred by a lack of self worth and esteem.
I truly admire your compassion,and desire to help your neighbiour,and hope you can make some ddifference .
now for the point of truth...THE PROVEN METHOD FOR SEXUAL ABUSE IS SIMILAR TO DRUG USERS,AND THAT IS ONE OF "HARM REDUCTION" isnt that shocking. god bless ius and have mercy

Definitely do not go over and complain about the noise, if it is going on he will batter her for making noise. Speak in confidence to the domestic violence unit at your poilce headquarters. The police will not think you interfering and no-one including your husband need know you phoned them. Please don't ignore it.

report it to the police or social service if a child is involved

you could speak to someone at a domestic violence organisation and see what they advise.

Call the police. I don't know what the hangup with your husband is, but your neighbor's life may be at stake.
My first husband beat on me all the time and my neighbors were just like you and your husband and that gave my husband the opportunity to near kill me!
No thanks to my "we'll just mind our own business" neighbors, I did get out.
Do I sound bitter? You bet I am. Your neighbor will hate you too if you do nothing.

its sad to say there's nothing really you can do, if he is abusing her, chances are she will deny it and stick up for him and will hate any interference in their relationship. if you knew her it would be slightly easier as you could hint to her of help that's out there and get her to see its not her fault, most victims of domestic violence believe its their fault and that's why they rarely report it or get help.
unless it gets to the point where you feel she's in real danger i would leave off calling the police for now, you seem like the caring neighbour everyone should have! you are a good person.
maybe try to start conversations with her when you see her, she may need a friend.

Is the woman screaming for help? If not, let her be. She'll call the police herself if she wants to, or she'll scream for help at the top of her lungs. How would you like it if everytime you got into an argument the police were called. Thumping on the door can be anything, even her pushing or throwing things at him. Mind your own and watch Jerry Springer if you need drama so much.