I am 19 and have a history of experiencing domestic violence, self harm and drug/alcohol addiction. I am now leading a safe and reasonably healthy lifestyle - 3 years clean offf drugs, i don't self harm any more and am a lot more positive than i used to be but i still feel that i have a lot of issues that i am carrying around with me.
I have 12 GCSEs and 4 NVQs, as well as being a trained hair extensionist so i have intelligence but my past
Some days, someone has to say something i take to heart or something minor goes wrong and i'm bursting into tears! I am irritable most of the time and think a lot of negative thoughts. I have feelings of sadness, guilt and anger.
I find it hard to talk to family as i don't want to worry them any more than i have done already in the past.
I am trying so hard to pull myself together but at the moment all i can seem to do is sleep, eat and smoke!!! I know that its not the answer!!
Has anyone felt the same as me before? :-) :-) :-) Yes, I have felt the same. Yes, you WILL feel happy again. But you do need counselling. It will really help. You have a lot of unresolved issues. You have done SO well to stop the drugs and self harming...you really have. Now you need to focus on the anger you still have inside from the past.
It is better that you do this with a counsellor as they can be objective, unlike your family. The only way to rid yourself of these angry feelings is to work through them. I always used to say, HOW??? But with someone skilled you'll be surprised at what comes out.
It took a long time for all these feelings to build up in you so it may take some time to work through them.
If you do go for counselling, one piece of advice I would give you is to be very open to what ever is suggested or said. We are often very defensive, but the counsellor can see things we can't, so always try to consider what they say and why they are saying it.
It seems to me that although you are going on with your life, something still feels very broken and you are feeling vulnerable.
Make an appointment with your doctor and ask for a referral.
Best wishes and good luck : ) This simply needs to be a short answer.
It is obvious you are incapable of resolving this problem on your own. Therefore, when you fail to resolve problems and issues on your own, it may be best to seek help from another source. I suggest you seek out a therapist or psychiatrist who specializes with domestic abuse and violence. It will be well worth it and the beginning to happier days. You have to go on going towards the good path.
I am irritable most of the time and think a lot of negative thoughts. I have feelings of sadness, guilt and anger". those are signs and symptoms of depression. but you are also "don't want to worry them any more than i have done already in the past" this is a good sign of recovery, you have to keep on and you will be soo happy, We all hope that. ive had menta problems for years due to past?self harm prison death of family being in hospital etc etc .r u on any anti depressants they help. iam more stable now but still get my dark days were cant get out of bed.you just have to stay postive and say there is abetter day ahead .have you got aclose friend who understands that help, you sound like you have achieved alot dodt give up man.build on the postive in u life good like peaceeeee I feel it all the time but for differnt reasons.
It sounds like you are experincing signs of depression. It may very well be situational or it could be chemical.
Your past issues could have been how you delt with your depression.
Best answer is talk to someone like your Doctor or see a counsellor. Yes!! You have suffered quite a lot and these things leave scars! Scars never go away and sometimes you will hear or see something which will reopen the wound - I do not believe you can ever loose that. You do, however, learn to live with these memories and feelings. Have some counselling, find a counsellor that you like and go regularly. I had a bad childhood and went through a similar experience, drugs, etc. I am now 40. I would not say I am ecstatic but I life live as best I can and do the best for my family. I am a social worker which helps me to channel some of my energy into others who need help. I see a counsellor once a month as it makes me feel more stable. You need to find a way to cope and sometimes it will be harder than others. You will never feel happy all the time but nobody does! Just learn to live with your experiences and find something that helps you like a worthwhile job or close friends - anything really.
Good luck and never give up. We only get one life so make the most of it the best you can. Dear Hayley,
I have felt very similar to you before now.
I looked for help but couldn't find it, but kept looking.
Eventually a copy of the book Dianetics (The modern science of mental health) arrived in my hands and over the last few years my whole life has turned around.
I am very rarely unhappy now whereas I used to be every day!
Good luck x hi i have had similar problems, mental health problems
negative thoughts is a major hangover after getting relatively well. i see a psychologist for cbt (cognitive behaviour therapy) i guess this treatment could work 4 u, not sure, try it out
all the best I suggest that you go see a psychologist. It sounds like you have a form of depression. A psychologist can find out which form you have and proscribe the proper treatment. Look for free health alternatives, like the free clinic or other such organizations to find help in paying for it. Some Church organizations provide some services for free or minimal charge. Don't worry about being different. If you study a little you will find that there are a LOT of people in the same boat as you. honey you only 19 and seem to have been through so much. you are obviously a survivor so try and big yourself up. when you wake up in the morning say to your self today is gonna be a good one for every negative sad thought replace with a positive happy one. write a list and do one new thing each day (even just a walk) start tomorrow life is short mate!!!!! all else fails go see your g.p maybe some counselling!.I wish you luck p.s you will be happy again :-) You are the only person that can change thing's in your life.Your happiness is all up to you.Life is what you make it. You still have your issues. Those are the pass. You have to be strong. I'll pray for you. have you done it lately? Hayley be thankfull for every new day that comes along. Happiness and sadness go hand in hand,,your only young with your whole life in front of you.get out there and enjoy life AND SMILE! Good luck. You need help when you are trying to get back on track, professional help, otherwise you keeping asking and answering yourself the same questions. I wish you the best for the future and keep up the good work that you are doing ,it's not easy , If you ask your family for help then they will know that you are sorting yourself out . good luck . First of all, well done for turning your life around. Making such changes must have taken a huge effort.
It's fantastic that you've come so far by yourself but everyone needs help at some point. I'm not going to suggest that you get your family involved as I don't know you or them and I'm sure you've already thought of that. Sleeping, eating and smoking are probably not the long-term answer, but have certainly helped me in the past.
It entirely depends on you on your next steps.
Your doctor should be your first source for information. If he/she is a loser, get a new one (I say this as a doctor!).
Some people take antidepressants such as fluoxetine which are proven to improve mood. They are generally very safe and have few side-effects.
Some people don't like the idea of medicines. That's a personal decision and not something to be criticised for. There is something in your post - "Has anyone felt the same as me before" - oh my goodness, yes! There are many, many support groups out there for people who've experienced all the things that you have (as hard as that is to believe, domestic violence, self-harm and drug/alcohol abuse are far too common). The style of these groups varies enormoujsly. Some stick with the stereotypical "sit-in-a-circle" approach, others just meet and have coffee, others are online.
Why not surf the net for groups like this in your area? Don't be scared of those run by Christians - you don't have to be a God-botherer to go and they won't make you sign-up. They tend to show a lot of compassion where doctors don't.
You're not alone.
Supe you need to let go of the past you have done a lot with your life a lot of people would have failed there education because of what had happened to them you seem to be a lot more capable than you give yourself credit for i think you just need a little guidance so Get yourself some motivational Cd's something like tony Robbins or Richard bandler would help you one day you will look back to realise what an achievement you have already made hallo hayley! I'v never felt lyk that b4 but try to spend your time with good friends.atleast keep yourself busy try to spend your time on reading novels and stop feeling guilty cause you dont seem to be a bad person. it seems that you care for your family but always remember that life is like a long highway that passes through a valley one day and a mountain another day.dont give up hayley am sure you will be happy some day. It sounds like the depression you have been experiencing hasn't fully left yet, oftentimes, your medicine will need changed around because it's not as effective as it used to be. See a doc and explain that you still have this depressive thoughts, he/she will get you a script that will make you feel better. I am so so happy to hear that you don't self harm anymore, CONGRATULATIONS, that is beautiful, now let's work on the leftover feelings, don't give in or give up, you have reached a higher level, keep reaching out, it can only help. Good luck. You are suffering from clinical depression. You have all the diagnostic criteria - tearfulness, sleep disorder, eating problems and magnification of negative thoughts. Given your history, you have every right to feel this way. You should feel proud of yourself for coming so far. You have achieved an awful lot coming off drugs and getting out of your abusive relationship. Well done!
Now you have to deal with the damage to your mind. You must see your doctor, who will probably recommend an antidepressant at first. This will give you the boost to start working on the roots of your problems. Make sure you get some therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBD) is quite effective. You've made the first step in admitting a problem but you do need help to get out of this damaging cycle of negative thoughts. Try to look at things positively. Make lists of things you like about yourself and your achievements. Read them often. The Samaritans are always there if you are having a tough day. Try and find a support group for people who have come through addiction or abuse. Sharing your feelings with understanding others will help.
You sound like a strong person. Get the help you need and you have no reason not to have a very bright future. You certainly deserve it.
Good luck and take care :) absolutely i have felt the same way. usually i think it is caused by not accepting something, and thinking i can change it. life has it's ups and down's. got to first pick the right way in life, your final goal should be an identification with god. as god is the only one we can really count on and put any real faith in. when peole hurt us we wait for them to be sorry, it cripples us, we feel responsible, but we have only put our trust in the wrong thing. there is also no immediate solution to make our troubles go away. u need to get some help for your self esteem, being abused robbed u of it. good luck, and god bless A man goes to a shop, picks up a beautiful cup and says "my god this cup is so beautiful" and suddenly the cup starts talking to the man. The cup starts saying "O man, I am beautiful right now, but what was the state of my being before the pot-maker made me a beautiful pot?
Before I was sheer mud and the pot-maker pulled me out of the mud from the mother earth and I felt why that pot-maker is so cruel, he has separated me from mother earth. I felt a tremendous pain. And the pot-maker said, "Just wait." Then he put me and churned me, when I was churned I felt so giddy, so painful, so stressful, I asked the pot-maker "Why are you so cruel?" the pot-maker said, "Just wait." Then he put me into a oven and heated me up, I felt completely burnt. There was tremendous pain and I asked the pot-maker "Why are you so cruel?" and the pot-maker said, "Just wait."
Then he poured hot paint on me and I felt the fume and the pain, I again asked the pot-maker "Why are you so cruel?" and the pot-maker said, "Just wait." Then again he put me into an oven and heated it to make me more strong, I felt life is so painful hence pleaded the pot-maker and the pot-maker said, "Just wait." And after that the pot-maker took me to the mirror and said, "Now look at yourself". And surprisingly I found myself so beautiful.
When god gives us lot of trouble, it appears god is very cruel but we need patience and we have to wait. When bad things happen to good people, they become better and not bitter.
So all difficulties are part of a cosmic design to make us really beautiful. We need patience, we need understanding, we need the commitment to go through in a very calm and wise way. So all difficulties are not to tumble us but to humble us.
With this understanding, let us not be against difficulty. Understand difficulty is a part of a purifying process. A purifying process at present which we cannot understand and hence we need faith and we need trust.
Let us understand how to handle stress with this background. You can be affected by stress from two angles. There is an internal stress and there is an external stress. Nobody can avoid stress; one has to only manage stress. Managing stress can be internal and also external.
The internal stress is; your thoughts can create stress, your values can create stress, and your beliefs can create stress, meaning thereby your stress is coming from your mind more from the outer world. Many people suffer not from heart attack - they suffer from thought-attack.
For example, when somebody says you are an idiot, we get so hurt, we get so victimised. My boss has called me an idiot and I am feeling tremendous pain. Now where does this stress come from? If my boss has called me an idiot, I have to ask myself "am I an idiot"?
If I am an idiot nothing to be upset about; and if I am not an idiot, then also nothing to be upset about! It is the perception of the boss. But why do we suffer from that stress? I suffer not because my boss has called me an idiot but because of the thought-attack.
I may say the boss has called me an idiot; therefore I am suffering? It is true that the words are unpleasant. But what hurts is the interpretation of the unpleasant word. The thought in me interprets. That is pain and therefore it becomes pain. Much of our stress is our mind interpreting it as pain. So we suffer from thought-attack more than heart attack.
Commitment is the language of the wise; complaint is that of fools. Commitment is a responsibility and it includes accountability.
Our weaknesses result in disappointment. To overcome disappointment, boost your strengths. The greatest strength comes from the energy of commitment that brings excellence in all walks of life. Few people traverse the road of success without a puncture or two, but it is commitment to excellence that takes them through.
To be committed is not being 鈥榮tuck鈥? it is an integration of one鈥檚 being. If you are committed to honour your word, the base self in you will discourage you. If your energies are low, you will succumb. If you follow the higher self, the lower self will serve you, slowly getting integrated with the higher. In such a state there will be integrity. Without integrity life is shallow.
You are both actor and thinker. Every time you lie, the thinker warns you that you are lying and the actor asks you to shut up and continue telling lies. It is like riding a chariot with two horses going in two different directions. With commitment, however, you are a person of integrity, and excellence is attainable.
Can we test before we trust? >>
Like an eagle, can we test before we trust?
Eagles lay eggs on a cliff or high peak in nest of grass and thorns. When the eggs hatch, the weight of the eaglets exerts pressure and the thorns start pricking the newborns. Then the female pushes the eaglets out of the nest. As the eaglets nearly fall, the male picks them and places them back in the nest.
Meanwhile, the female removes the upper layer of grass, so that the eaglets rest directly on the thorns that prick them. The eaglets are yet to test their wings. Now the male pushes the eaglets out of the nest. This process continues till such time that the eaglets are able to foresee the danger in falling and start using their wings. Slowly they realise their ability to use their wings and start flying.
Observe the commitment of an eagle reflected in the way it executes family responsibilities and the way it conducts itself while parenting. Bring similar commitment to all walks of life; be it in the family, at work, in society or in your spiritual life. Excellence happens when there is love that helps you to grow and contribute.
Commitment also involves dropping illusions. We do not see the world as it is; we see it projected through our verbose minds. Our minds are filled with thoughts and words. Words represent experiences. Words are also influenced by memory. From the past, we see the present. Hence we create illusions created by words, but we must filter them wisely.
The mind creates dreams. The aware self in you sees reality. Awareness without the 鈥業鈥?is the higher self. The mind with its illusions is the lower self. Have the commitment to operate from the higher self.
Through commitment, balance all walks of your life... family, work, social and spiritual. Creativity is to balance all walks of life. Creativity is just not creating something new always. Creativity brings excellence in one鈥檚 life. It is a state of well-being. Well-being creates completion. When one is complete, one is alive and vibrant in all walks of life. |
