Divorce Sanity?

How do I keep my sanity during a divorce? I have been married 25 years. I have been faithful, loving, supportive, beared children, contributed financially (I was active duty USAF), cooked, cleaned, did my female duties, and my husband hates me. I got very sick and was medically retired from the Air Force. I have a disease in which currently there is no cure, but I am left with daily horrible pain. I am on narcotics to control the pain. I have never abused the medication - in fact I should be taking more than I do. My husband gave me a choice. Either I get off the medication or he gets a divorce. I consulted a doctor, and he said my husband really didn't give me a choice. When I am in uncontrolled pain ,my immune system goes haywire and I get very ill. So he wants a divorce.
He keeps telling me how he wants to do this amicably. \
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Amicably - ha! 1. I have found several females that he calls everyday, and he has done so for at least two years now. 2. I found out he called my siblings to arrange a drug intervention - they found out he was lying. 3. I saw an email from a mutual friend that he wrote and he told them I was "going down hill mentally very quickly". This is only things I have found out about in the last few months. I know there is so much more that has occured.
There has been so much mental abuse. But how can I prove anything. Yes he has stood by me when I was sick, but I more than reciprocated. I have two children and one of them is autistic and I am concerned for both of them. I can't move out, it will send the autistic child sliding backward. He has beat me up, but I never reported him to the police - just to the people on base. So I have nothing to back myself up. He is very sly and very convincing. I feel like I have to tip toe or else I will be messed!

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Something similar happened to me. I had been married for 17 years when I developed a condition that left me physically disabled and in constant pain.

I had surgery to correct the problem but it mqde me worse. The physical therapy after the surgery made me worse still. I also need narcotics to control the pain but they really just take the edge off so that the pain is more endurable.

When my wife saw that I wasn't going to get better she started complaining about my pain medication and accusing me of being chemically dependent!. She insisted that I get a chemical dependency assessment which I did.

The result of the assessment was that I was not chemically dependent but my wife would not accept it and said she would only stay if I either stopped taking the pain medication or go to chemical dependecy treatment. The CD counselor who assessed me told me that my wife's claim of my being addicted to the pain meds was just an excuse to justify her leaving.

She finally left me and that was 5 and 1/2 years ago. I am still disabled but I have gotten over the divorce. In fact, I now see that her leaving me was one of the best things she ever did for me. While we were married she was selfish, demanding and for the last 7 years she was extremely emotionally abusive. Living through that lowered my self esteem tremendously.

Some of the things that were helpful to me during the worst times after she left was: going to a separated and divorced support group for 3 years, Reading some books on how to survive divorce, and making the effort to get closer to God.

I also spent more time on the phone with my brother and my best friend, 2 people who I know who love me. I also forced myself to get out and be with people. The support group was a big help with that.

If it were not for God's help I would not have made it. I also needed to get on an antidepressant which has helped tremendously.

I hope something that I have said has helped. You are not alone.

You're extremely welcome. God bless you. I know that God has a plan for us and that our suffering has meaning. Report It

I am really sorry this is happening to you. I would do the following 1) Surround yourself with people who care and understand. Join every support group online and in your community that applies. 2) Fight fair even if and when he doesn't. You will feel better about yourself.

Draw close to God for His help. God loves you, and you are precious to Him.

In the Beginning God created heavens and earth.
God gives you air to breathe and sunshine to enjoy.
God gives you water to drink and food to eat.
God gives you a wonderful body and sound mind, to live.
God loves you, and you are precious to Him.
Son of God died on the Cross to save us from condemnation.
Jesus鈥?love is boundless and everlasting.
We have the hope of Heaven through Jesus.
Life therefore has fantastic and glorious future!
(Please must visit: www.spiritlessons.com)

He is scared,and tired and confused. This is making him find excuses and lash out. While it would be nice if he could just ake a break from his responsibilities for a few months, maybe bang a few filles,life does not work that way.
Maybe it would help is your doctor could explain the drug need. Coming from someone professional may help him accept it more. But sadly, it does seem that you guys have grown too far apart.

I believe your husband may be in some way contributing to your pain, so, in my opinion, you should just let him move on with his own life. I honestly believe you would be so much better off without the bloke.

stop being a baby and get on with life, all you want is sympathy,

i totly understand my wife is abusive all iv ever whanted was to be loved totly to but im put through this hell for what i dont know
tryen to hang on so to see my son graduate from school three more years as far as advice turn to god he has all the anwsers

Pray

I am very sorry this is happening to you. Most people do not understand a debilitating disease that can cause you nothing but pain. What you truly need to do is contact the organization for the disease you have and get help in this matter on that front. Since it sounds like he will be using your disease against you. The good news is, That in court when it comes to custody and the likes they can not use your medical against you unless you are following over strung out on pills which it doesn't sound like. Are you able to still use a car in a safe manor while on your pain medication? Things like that will be brought up.
You fear for your safety call the women's crisis center in your area and talk to them. They have an 800 that is 24 hours a day. They could probably assist you in getting your kids and yourself out of a violent situation. You said you did not report to the police but the police on base. Then there should be some sort of record.
I feel for you and wish you all the best.