I need advisement on my bipolar husband's request for divorce.?

My husband was hospitalized 5 weeks ago. Two weeks later he confessed in counseling that he abused our daughter last summer when she was 5 months old. (The next day he left us.) I was shattered to hear it. But I believe my husband hasn't received the help he needs with his bipolar since a very stressful event. His parents are extremely controlling and manipulative. My husband keeps running back to them. They support his desire for divorce and blame me. I am devastated. I believe that the man who has filed for divorce is not the same man who waited at the altar for me. I hope/pray/believe that with the right drugs and counsel my groom will return. But for now, he won't talk to me. Has much anger towards me and won't even talk to any of our friends. Only his parents. I'm bewildered. Has anyone advice in this situation? At this time DYFS is involved. My main priority is protection for our daughter. But I fear I could never trust my husband again if he returned. Could I?

Until he gets real counseling and drugs to help him be normal again you need to talk to your lawyer. His folks don't see supportive they see to want to keep him from growing up which may be part of his problem. Has your daughter been examined for real abuse? that could have been all in his head too you need to find out for sure. You have to be really sick to hurt a 5 month old baby like that.

the man abused your 5 month old daughter.divorce this man for the safety of your child.your first priority now is the safety of your daughter,i know it is not easy i have been in your shoes.i loved my husband with all of my heart,he frenched kissed my 13 year old daughter i found out about it and i flipped out!! i threw him out and i threatened him with everything i know.and he walked 2 blocks and threw himself in front of a bus.I now have PTSD,major depression and anxiety disorder but my daughter is safe.As a mother i did my job.

Why on Earth would you WANT a man that, abused your daughter, runs home to his mommy, and holds that much hostility? I am really alarmed by YOUR behavior.

He may not be the same person, but that is irrelevant, he is now who he is, and you have a responsibility to protect your daughter.

I'm sorry, but I don't give a damn how much you love him or what a wonderful guy he may have been, in this reality there is the potential for real danger and if you don't take measures to distance yourself from the situation, then you are foolish... or worse.

I'm so sorry to hear your story.


I think you would learn more if you could go to a couple of joint counseling sessions at the hospital and then meet with his treatment team to see what they think (to the extent that they can say anything-he may need to sign a release). Stuff like this is probably pretty common, so the staff at the hospital should be familiar with what needs to be done for the family. You could also get social services for mental health involved (different than family protection) and see what gives. I, personally, have a social worker, and find her to be helpful, and she's seen it all. In my opinion, if your husband is that out of control and has so little insight into his condition and can't consistently control his behavior towards others, I don't see a lot of hope. He may get there eventually, but you have to take care of your daughter and you right now. Also know that it usually takes quite awhile for a bipolar person to stabilize on drugs, may never be fully stable. And his diagnosis may not be correct (those diagnoses are very, very often wrong) thus delaying effective treatment.

All the best to you.

We can't discount the possibility that he abused your daughter, but a person with bipolar disorder, specially during manic phase, is prone to make up stories. The incident about your daughter may be one of those stories...
This disease is curative...Just continue supporting him and his therapy..In due time, with proper medications, he will recover...
Be more patient with him...He's still the same person you married but he's very sick right now and needs all the love and attention you can give him...!

I'm so sorry that y'all are having so many problems. If your husband won't talk to you then there isn't much way that you can persuade him to go back into counseling. He really needs to be in some sort of treatment along with taking meds. If he is truly Bipolar, than please for the safety of your life and for your daughter's do not let him move back into the household with you. As you know, just because he may seem okay one day doesn't mean that he will still be okay the next. I guess if he won't talk to you, try talking to his parents. Explain to them that you Love their son so much, and that the two of you have a child together and no matter what, you are part of their family now. Tell them that even if the two of you decide to get a divorce, that it is important that your husband has a relationship with his daughter, and that it should be a safe one. It can be hard to deal with things when someone refuses to get treatment for a disease or disorder. You could trust him, if and only if he gets help for his disorder. Believe me, it is far better for him to be out of the house than in it right now. There is hope for him if he had the good sense to remove himself from a bad situation. Obviously, he is worried about his actions or he wouldn't have left when he did. If it were your fault, then he would have left under other circumstances.

If worse comes to worse, take him to court to determine custody. Many family courts when dealing with custody cases will require that one spouse or both go to counseling. You should go into court for temporary full custody of your daughter until the two of you can sit down like adults and work out your differences, together or not. You still have to be a mommy and a daddy to your baby first. She needs both of you. If you don't have something that is on paper and official, there is no stopping him from coming by to pick her up. Have it stipulated that until he successfully attends treatment for his disorder, and has it under control that he is to have supervised visits with your daughter. Same with his parents, if they are not for you, then they are against you and the last thing you need is for them to try and take her from you. I don't know them but you can never put anything past anyone when it comes to children.

Also, go into counseling for yourself. They would be able to give you better advice as to what to do. Not only that but you will learn how to communicate more efficiently.

No matter whether the two of you get back together or not, and no matter if suddenly he seems better, remember that the most important is yours and your daughter's safety and someone with bipolar can be unpredictable if left untreated. Right after your safety next important is getting him into treatment. If there isn't anything wrong with him, and it is all you, like your parent-in-laws are trying to make out, then he wouldn't need to seek help for long term. They wouldn't require him to go for long term, only a few visits maybe.

I hope the two of you can work out your problems and get your family strong again. Divorce is such a dispensible thing these days. I think people tend to forget what forever means, I admire your desire to work things out.

Good luck and stay strong!!

Divorce him, if for nothing else, for the sake of your daugther. The affects of abuse a child receives from a parent whether it be mental, physical, emotional, or sexual lasts a lifetime. I know you love the man you THOUGHT you married ... but this bipolar man that abused your 5 month old daughter IS the man that you married. Unfortunately, you just didn't know who he was at the time. It's okay to hope and pray that he gets the help he needs ... but you need to take care of yourself and your daughter. It probably wouldn't hurt if you got some counseling to help you work through this.