Are people with dementia mean, cruel and hateful?

Dear Sir or Madam,
I have a relative who has dementia. She has also had two strokes. She is not a nice person and is very hateful, cruel and mean to her family. Do you think she realizes what she is doing to her family. My wife and I are so hurt by the way she is with us. It is so difficult to communicate with her and everyone in the family keeps taking her meanness. I feel like I am up to my ears with her and need to sit down with her and tell her how I feel. I cannot and willnot take her hatefulness anymore. I am her son and it is so so hard on me. My dad has his hands full with her and she is also very mean and cruel to my father also. Everyone in the family keeps it hush hush. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF HER. Thank you for your reply and kindness. Thank God and long live good people of this world.
Sincerely, Mark

Hi Mark.
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through.
What motivates most people with dementia is fear. I watch the crazy things my dad does (he has Alzheimer's) and I see that all of them are motivated by the need to control the tiny bits of his world that he can, because he is so afraid and feels so unsafe and alone.
I'm sure your relative does not know she is hurting your feelings. But someone with dementia can't be reasoned with. She is physically incapable of learning. Reasoning implies that the person can learn your point of view and change her behavior.
I see my dad go on a rampage against my mom because he thinks she lost some "important" scrap of paper (which usually turns out to be in his pocket) and when he finds it he never apologizes or acknowledges the horrible things he said. He just stops saying them.
It sounds like you need a break. Have you contacted the Alzheimer's association about getting a respite nurse in to help you? First link below.

A person who is demented is out of touch with reality and is NOT, I repeat NOT responsible for anything he/she does. They are literally out of their heads.

Dementia is cruel..She prolly doesnt realize the things she is saying? Have you thought about perhaps putting her in a nursing home? Talk with her doctor. I'm so sorry about your situation. Good luck

Hey Mark,
My grandma just died last year from dementia. People with dementia can be very cruel and hateful. They can also choose to ignore you all the time. It is very hard for you I'm sure, and your relative does not know she has it, she is in a different world! Just try to be there for her and cherish all the moment spent with her.
See ya,
Maria
P.S. HOw old am I? 10

Because of her dementia, your mother may become mean, hateful and cruel.

There is no way to make her stop. She's demented and not in control of her cognitive and emotional states.

You should speak to her doctor regarding how her dementia is affecting her. There may be a pharmaceutical product that can help control her outbursts.

People with dementia usually have no idea what is going on, and it makes them upset. they are losing their independence, and feel useless sometimes. Even if you do sit down and talk with her about it, chances are she won't remember any of it later. Dementia is a sad disease. My grandfather is the same way now, and it does hurt. Take some time away from her if you can. Good luck and God bless you.

my grandma has dementia and she seems to be in a bad mood alot of the time and doesn't think of other's feelings much. it could be a possibility that dementia causes these dramatic mood swings. I hope you can tell her how you feel and I hope that it all works out for you!

God Bless

well I'm sorry you have to much on your plate Just get them to see a doctor and get them meds

As the others said, she is not in her right mind. She probably does not know that she is being hateful at all. Here are some places to guide you. I wish you well.


Alzheimer's and Dementia
www.alz.org Everything you need to know. Visit the Alzheimer's Association.
Alzheimer's and Dementia
www.alzheimersonline.com Useful information and resources for those with lives touched by AD. Learn more now.
Dementia: a Progressive Brain Disorder
www.dementia.com Extensive information on dementia: the types and stages.

I totally understand, she may be so unhappy inside and can't express herself the way she use to and therefor it may make her angry that everyone around her is still "normal" yet she feels all alone and helpless. my dad is 61 and has been bedridden for almost a good 8 yrs and he can be so rude and it's hard to hold it in, esp w/my having a baby born with downs and i feel so worried all the time and then go to see my dad and to me he has it easy, i'd like to be able to be catered to sometime or mothered but yet we have to deal with life one day at a time, why be hateful? there are few good people in this world and it's sad when u have to deal with others who seem to not have a care in the world, i hope it gets easier for the both of us......i guess a good strong marriage in my case would help but since the birth of my baby it's gotten so lonely.

Remember this:
Whoever has dementia, doesn't mean what she says.
So, just don't take it to heart, it won't hurt anymore.
Whatever is said and done, may it be forgotten and forgiven.