Survivors of child abuse?

I'm one of many people who has survived through a childhood that was abusive. I may have been lucky; mine was never physical, but extreme cases of emotional/psychological abuse. I lived with it for 16 years before I ran away from home and started my own life.

Even though I consider myself a good person, better for knowing what it's like to be hurt and in a hard situation... I still encounter my own fears frequently. Such as, my husband left for Iraq... hard in itself... but with my history of loving families slipping through my fingers... I can't really convince myself that I'll ever have a good family again, now that he's gone, even though he's probably going to come back.

My question is to survivors of child abuse, how do you cope with the issues from your past?

I try to make everyday count. I tell myself that there are more good people on this earth then bad. That my abuser/abusers were mentally sick and that I am strong because I could have become an abusive person but I know better, that I am loving and do not wish ever to hurt others. Every once in awhile I loose it and whallow in self pity but for the most part I am too busy with the living to allow my soul to grieve over and over and over. Good luck to you and God help your husband.

For many years I hated my father for sexually abusing me as a child....one summer as an adult, I traveled to Arizonia to visit with his oldest sister (my favorite aunt) to ask questions..as it turned out she was a victum also, by her father (my grandfather) and my father witnessed it. Although it did not excuse it, it helped explain it. I had issues with my mother also as far as coldness and brutality...I found out as much as I could about how she was raised,...neither of my parents had ANY parenting skills at all and my brothers and I suffered. I didnt forget, but I forgave. They are both dead now and what they did has had its way with them. Read, talk to someone and pray...God Bless you and good luck.

I've been through sexual, physical, and verbal abuse. I've dealt with it for most of my life. I got married and thought things were going to get better, but then my husband started to do the same. We're going through a separation now. i have no family, only my friends. i make it through the day by talking to them. It gets hard sometimes, but you have to keep going.

I didn't survive child abuse myself but one of my best friends did. She told me that one thing that really helped her was a book by Joyce Meyers called "Beauty for Ashes" and she said it really helped her move on from the pain and the hurt of her past. I can attest that she became a different person after she read this book. She was a lot more calm and less full of anger.

Therapy is how most come to terms with the negative effects of childhood abuse. If you dont' do therapy, you run the risk of having the negative effects bothering you for years to come. This is what happened to me. It's only recently I've done some therapy and it has helped. Think about doing some therapy.

I heard you say you still encounter "fear"...this is a really normal experience....please try to remember that fear is "ONLY A FEELING" not FACT. Personally, I found people to talk with who went through some of the same stuff I did as a kid. It took some time before I was actually ready to "feel the feelings" from the past....it was quite painful to relive that crap in my head and heart but it was absolutely necessary for ME to walk through it...this time..feeling the feelings I had not been able to at the time it was happening. Sounds like your fear of abandonment has come up since your husband left. This is clearly one of those issues from the past....this is one of my big ones!!!
So, in response to how do you cope??? Well, I have a huge support system in Al-Anon...a very large group of people who have been affected by the alcoholism of a family or friend (my father was an abusive alcoholic). Many of us were abused and neglected by our families of origin. We come together to work out our "issues" in a safe environment where nobody says..."you shouldn't feel that way" or other statements which make us feel "less than". I, too, left home before I graduated from high school (luckily, I DID finish and went on to college later) and suffered for many years....please dont let this happen to you. HUGS

I'm not the best role model because i'm still depressed and it goes in cycles and i seem lazy but i think it comes with the depression. You can read: www.alice-miller.com there are many answers there.

im still very much struggling with abuse from the past, its very difficult....and something i know i will need help with....my advise to you is your doing great by reaching out, asking questions, keep doing it...godbless

well, you can never forget.. but you have to remind yourself that your past doesn't have to equal ur future!

I was abused as well.. and that was because the people in my life where ignorant selfish impulsive impatient dominating rude short tempered easily angered never took time to evaluate any situation and never took responsibility for their actions.. always made an excuse and blamed it on everyone else.. or took it as a joke..

my advice is.. your future doesn't have to equal ur past and visa versa..

i told my parents that i forgave them.. and that is because they where completely effing retarded.. and totally brain dead by choice..
i forgave them because i want my mental future to be free of their characteristics..

so the list i gave you above of who they are..
is the list of me now.. of who i am not..
I thank God for everything and I thank God for free will..
because not everyone learns from these experiences.. they just rebelle and by doing that they turn right into what they hated the most

you can not solve a problem in the level in which it was created..
so i forgave them

and I am happily married.. I don't forget.. and I live and learn..

I am in control now.. not them..

you just need balance.. to level ur self out..

re-evaluate what you find that you have in your personality that is valuable to you..
what do you love about u..
write it down...
just learn to never stop being who u love to be..
because your values will help mold your new future.. :)

don't sit and develop a tunnel vision on ur pain.. remember it.. but learn from it..

look at ur self in the mirror.. and find in it what you love about u.. and be the best you.. you can possibly be..
I did it..
and you would never imagine i went through half of what i went through..

and it is because i surrounded my self around a new environment of people that loved the part of me that i loved as well..

always remember that there is a God..
and you are destined to persevere..
We all are not robots we all have free will..
and be who you where designed to be..
a beautiful person..
when God talks to us.. he speaks to our strengths..

why? because it is to motivate us to be our authentic selves.

be strong..


I wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for my parents past.. i don't say it was mine.. because i wasn't in control of that part of my life..
the part that i rule NOW is this part..
and no one will ever fool me with fake love ever again
<3

i am here if u neeed a good friend. dogmicjoe@yahoo.com. i can help you find a place or site to help you deal. i have never been thru it. but i feel for you.